To not understand some attitudes towards health visitors

[IcouldstillbeJoseph]

I appreciate there are good ones and not so good ones - like in every profession.

What I find hard to fathom is the "getting one over on the HV" mentality. For example a conversation at a child's birthday party today:

"Oh yeh, the HV kept going on about putting her to sleep on her back so I used to just flip her over in her Moses basket whenever she was coming round"
"Ha ha yeah mine was really pro-breastfeeding so I didn't mention I'd given up after 2 days and used to hide the bottles"

I just don't get it. The HV are duty bound, by virtue of their profession to give the evidence-based advice. But if you're going to go against he advice then that's your choice isn't it - why does it have to be 'hidden' from them? Have I just never encountered a really judgemental one?! And they are only advising based on what they believe safest for the children - surely that's a good thing?

I'm not saying I did eveything mine advised but it just puzzles me why it's always the HV. You never really hear people talk about nurses or teachers like that.

Hickory personally I have always sorted out my own contraception. If I want advice I'll ask, but I'd never discuss my sex life with an HCP unless I thought it was relevant or wanted advice.

That's another thing, I always thought HV were for the baby, child,protection etc - fine - but they seem to ask the mothers (not fathers) a lot of personal medical info too.

I do like that idea Peasant. It would save some ducking around for those who cba to see them, and direct the resource to those in need.

I've never found I am disapproved of for not attending sessions, but they do have to put in the requisite call or go through the farce of setting up a meeting which I will rearrange etc and I'd prefer not to have to deal with that. My standard response is to thank them for keeping in touch and reassure them everything is completely fine and I'll speak to them next time. That seems to satisfy their form filling.

There must be a problem in their training, and in the recruiting process.

I get anonymous feedback from the people I work with, and I have to keep my knowledge and skills up to date. That doesn't seem to be the case with HV.

My experience of a health visitor still haunts me 19 years after it happened. I was at a breastfeeding support group with my two DSs, one a toddler. the other about 9 months old. All the other babies were sitting up, crawling, etc. Mine was physically like a newborn, feeding badly, though very alert and sociable. I had repeatedly mentioned to the health visitor that I was concerned and she kept on saying I shouldn't compare him to his brother and that I was a hysterical Mum.

On this particular day she came to me with a student health visitor in tow, picked my baby up by the back of his coat and said "look at this lazy baby!" I left in tears. My DS was eventually diagnosed with cerebral palsy.

I know this is not what you meant but I can't help but have a poor opinion of health visitors.

I barely saw mine with DC1, let alone by the time I got to DC4... Only problem I have is that when I wanted some advice about DC4, all the HV would say is 'she's your 4th, you know what you're doing.' Um, but none of the others did this, and I'm asking for some ideas!

The only thing my hv asked was "Have you thought about contraception" and i told her, end of subject.
I can see that some people can find them maybe imposing but IME they arent all dragons

On the flipside though we had a very young hv who we told about dd1's developmental problems and she basically said she would grow out of it, dd1 was diagnosed october 2013, we saw this woman maybe september 2013 and she insisted dd was fine
So now we refuse to see her and she is no longer involved. Its not fair to tarnish all with the same brush though, some are lovely, some are not.

For my first baby I had a shite hv. The first thing she said, befor baby was born, is why didn't I have any toys? Wtf like a newborn is gonna be playing with plastic landfill anytime soom. She then told me I could borrow from sure start toy library. She also told me that having a dog and baby in such a small space was not a good idea. (My dog is a lovely very soft golden blob, she's always been very quite, yes she's not a small dog, yes we live in a smallish place, but I was so incensed that she thought I'd ever leave my dog and baby together?) then when I did have my baby I had huge bf problems and all hv did was tell me my baby wasn't gaining enough weight. She did the depression scales, said I was depressed, and did nothing about it...other than tell me I was depressed! Not surprising she was a miserable old cow and made me feel very inadequate as a new mum.
Glad to say she had left when I had my second baby and then I had a truly amazing HV who was with me every step of the way, never ever judged me and never nagged about lack of weight gain for 2 nd baby as he hovered around 9 th centile.

Hickory fair enough! That wouldn't bother me so much. Like I said, don't have DC yet so just filtering what I hear on here and from others.

Also my friend is not British and I rather have the feeling she was questioned more thoroughly because of this....

What others said. My HV is not patronising but useless when it comes to any advise. I'm sure l had some form of PND after having DS, and as l suffered from depression years ago l was supposed to be assessed by HV. No test or any PND questions were ever asked and l remember when she once visited after one particularly bad week and l told her l can't cope as ds's been screaming for hours day after day, she said to me 'yes, babies cry'. Other HV in the weighing clinic suggested ds may have been hungry and said 'you should feed 20min on one breast and 20 on the other' . I had a very fast flow and ds was milk drunk in less than 10min.My friend has been told by HV to feed her dc (7months old) custard so he puts on more weight.l could go on and on...

I can see though that some are very judgey!
I think with nurses/midwives etc getting younger it may bring in a new generation of realistic Hv's...well we can hope

Good point hickory, my HVs were all from an older generation.

I think as the posts have highlighted though, OP, its 'not like any other profession' where there are good ones and bad ones because the ramifications of getting bad or wrong advice from HVs are significant, potentially damaging and long lasting.

I made a formal complaint about my HVs and my clinic, but 8 years on, it still upsets me (normally confident, class myself as a good parent). As a previous poster said, shes still upset 19 years on.

spitsondots it is nhs/department of health standard guidance. So should be something health visitors say.
the nhs choices website tells you all about it and i formation about other dairy food.
here is the link - hope it helps
www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Goodfood/Pages/milk-dairy-foods.aspx

I'm not a health visitor by the way!!

spots not spits - sorry!!

HVs are duty bound to give evidence based advice? So why do so many give opinion over fact?

Its ok if you have a good support base round you, whom you trust, but if not and its your first baby, they can have too much power trip sway and they do give bad advice.

My MIL went crazy at me after a v diff birth and family loss, mil literally went off her rocker in being crazed to be at the baby....HV suggested we send baby over to her three times a week, sans me ...stupidly we listened we thought that was the norm, the right thing to do...5 years on, bonding issues and other issues I feel like reading her the riot act.

Aside from that huge catastrophic mistake ad giving her advice where there was no place for it....they also say whatever they like, and if you know what you are doing, and take it with a pinch of salt they are OK.

As trained proffesionals...NO. If you want some light advice, on something easy...yes, a more complicated situation , no.

Skimmed milk is foul. No need to use it unless there are weight issues. Full fat milk is 3.5% fat, which is a low fat food. Recent Change 4 Life guidance suggests replacing fizzy drinks with diet versions this is the most crap advice ever. Take NHS guidelines with a pinch of salt.

Mine wasn't much help, actually she was almost no help.I do recall her being a bit iffy about my cats and a lot of stuff about benefits which I think she could probably have skipped for a mother whom she knew was employing a nanny and a cleaner. It was fairly likely to be irrelevant.

Because they ask questions as part of a script yet actually take no notice of the answer.

Mine wrote some completely fictional formular name in my red book. Seriously there arent that many brands. IT was Aptamil! I told you twice. Why on earth did you still right something completely different and non existant in the book you would think a HV would know the brands available especially as I had her four years previously with dd1 who was on the same brand!!!!

Oh and having told her repeatedly i thought dd needed a prescription milk she still completely ignored me and started going on about three hour feeds.

Hot steamy rooms and three hourly feeds solve everything don't you know

I've previously had the most amazing one sadly after many years she retired.

The one for my youngest two came to my house before the older of the two was born and for some reason was really very weird and nervous.

She asked me lots of odd questions about finances/housing and my diet then when going through her bag looking for something accidentally lobbed a mouldy apple across the room.

I laughed pointed out that I had staff who opened the door to her the house we were sat in was clearly fine she was parked next to a veg garden sat next to a huge fruit bowl and asked her if she would like a fresh apple.

She laughed as well and stopped being weird and then explained that she had to come out and see if I needed additional services because I have disabled children.

I've only had one misguided comment from her and that was a throwaway comment about not having to worry about autism with my toddler because he occasionally uses eye contact,but she did read the books I pointed her in the direction of and now appears to be more aware.

I go to baby clinic if I'm bored and have nothing better to do but not if I can't be bothered.

I've found mine to be helpful...and the fact she had 5 children and 2 GC made me feel better as she wasn't a stick to the book kind. she gave me sound advice when I struggled with DD reflux (midwife wouldn't believe it was reflux...HV said my concerns were correct). she only came to my house twice when DD was few weeks old.

OTOH, my friends HV was a total old bag who had very old fashioned views and would sieze any opportunity to give DF a hard time.

I think its down to luck

I had great HV with first DC. I was taken back when we ended up co-sleeping but HV and MW gave us advice to stay safe and reassured us.

Different HV - we'd moved very young baby toddler completely new area - so I wasn't at my best. Came up with bf co-sleeping was happening - HV told me I would kill my baby.

She was that blunt and unswayable and vaguely threatening when I didn't immediately sound thrilled by her advice.

Funnily enough - I lied every time she asked about sleeping arrangements later.

I have 5 children and have had 5 different health visitors. They have, at worst, been benign presences, but at best have helped enormously. That's what they're there for, not to watch and judge. We should be thankful that we have this service; that we have healthcare professionals to advise us through the early YEARS of our childrens' lives. The majority of countries do not.

You clearly didn't have mine.

The milk advice quoted in that link says that you can give skimmed milk after 5 years old, definitely not that you should!

As pointed out by a previous poster, even 'full fat' milk is still low fat at

...a bit unsure about bf past 1 though. I was asked how often my 13 month old fed and said just whenever really. The HV seemed worried that this would mean he'd be missing out on enough solid food, then compared it to me having a mars bar if I fancied it. [Hmm]