Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

to think that someone with depression can walk a dog!

198 replies

madmacbrock · 19/02/2014 17:19

I am not ignorant to the plight of people with depression and recognise that it is a serious illness. However I am 7 months pregnant with 2nd child and suffering really badly with back and pelvic pain, I cannot walk to the kitchen without the aid of a crutch let alone walk my dog. She doesnt need to much walking as she suffers with athritis. I asked my MIL, (who was diagnosed with depression in June and has been constantly saying she needs to get out of the house and do something) if she would walk my dog for 20 mins twice a week whenever she felt up to it just so she can get out and my husband can spend a bit of time with his daughter as he comes in from work at 6.30 she goes to bed at 7.30 and if hes walking the dog misses out on that time. She said no she didnt feel like it. I feel really bitter about it as myself and dh have bent over backwards past few months to help her out and she cant even do this one little thing for us. Should I talk to her or just ignore it and put it down to frustration and pregnancy anger and forget it?

OP posts:

Famzilla · 19/02/2014 17:20

Oh my god.

Do you even know what depression is??

TalkieToaster · 19/02/2014 17:21

YABU. You have no idea the stress that just a small request can cause for people suffering with depression. Committing to walking a dog twice a week, even if she gets to pick the times, is a big ask for someone with depression, who might be struggling even to get up and get dressed.

VelvetStrider · 19/02/2014 17:22

Why can't your husband walk the dog at 7.30?

Sparklingbrook · 19/02/2014 17:24

Depression has many forms. It isn't your MIL's responsibility to walk your dog. Your DH will have to do it for the time being, or maybe ask a neighbour?

ChocolateTeacup · 19/02/2014 17:24

Sorry but yabu, I have had depression, I struggled to get out of bed made loads of excuses to stop me leaving the house and seeing people, I wouldn't have been able to cope with commiting to let alone forcing myslef out of the house twice a week to walk your dog.

Hire a dog walker

SeaSickSal · 19/02/2014 17:25

YABU. Totally YABU.

I'm actually astounded someone can be this ignorant. To be honest I think with your attitude she's done quite the right thing. If you're like this about her saying no what would you be like if she didn't feel up to it some weeks and had to let you down?

She's done the right thing. Pay a dog walker or get a mate to do it. Don't expect someone who is ill to become your unpaid lackey when they're not feeling up to it either.

CleverCircusFlea · 19/02/2014 17:25

She's ill, so no, she may not be able to walk your dog for you. You say you're suffering badly with back and pelvic pain, well, she's suffering badly too, with a different kind of pain! Can't your dh walk the dog after your child's bedtime?

CorusKate · 19/02/2014 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 19/02/2014 17:25

Depression is an illness it's no more unreasonable of her to not be able to walk your dog than it is for you not to do it in your current condition.

Clearly you are ignorant and don't recognise it as a serious illness.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 19/02/2014 17:25

It wasn't unreasonable to ask her, and I can see why you might have thought her saying she needed to get out of the house meant this was a helpful request to make.

But I suspect if she's really struggling, she's just not up to it. It might sound daft to you, but people can get really stressed about the idea of leaving the house if they've got depression - even if they know they should. Sometimes having a specific thing to do like walking the dog would help, but it might also make her feel more scared that she's not going to feel up to it, and she'd have to cancel.

I'd try really hard not to see it in terms of her owing you one for what you and your DH have done, because it does sound like the sort of thing her depression would make more difficult.

mrsjay · 19/02/2014 17:26

yabu depression can render people unable to do many things that people who do not have it or any experience of it so walking the dog maybe a big deal to her your mil is ill not just sad or lazy and anyway it is your dog your husband can do it or pay a dog walker until you are able to do it again

canyourearme · 19/02/2014 17:27

Yabu and unfair

quirrelquarrel · 19/02/2014 17:27

But even if it wouldn't be a pretty unbearable strain that would drag down her day, even if she said no even not having depression, it doesn't mean you should be as angry as you seem to be with her, sorry OP.

SelectAUserName · 19/02/2014 17:27

YABVVU. What is "one little thing" for you would be a huge stressful commitment for your MIL. It would be on her mind all day, a huge immovable black block on her horizon. She would be worrying about it from the moment she woke up. Am I up to it today? I have to be, DIL is relying on me. Why would anyone rely on me for anything, I'm useless. What if I have to talk to sime

Binkyridesagain · 19/02/2014 17:28

Its up to her if she wants to walk your dog or not. She has said she doesn't want to, if that is down to depression or not it doesn't really matter, it is her choice to make.

You have someone that can walk the dog for you. YABU

Joules68 · 19/02/2014 17:29

Well she acknowledges she needs to get out of the house.....and isn't exercise supposed to help depression?

BrownSauceSandwich · 19/02/2014 17:29

Sorry, but does your husband have to go to bed at 7:30 too? Why can't he walk dog after that?

Whatever MIL's reasons for not walking YOUR dog, they are really none of your business.

mrsjay · 19/02/2014 17:30

your husband could put his dd jacket and wellies on and take her he gets to spend time with her and walk the dog give you a break for half an hour win win really

lunar1 · 19/02/2014 17:30

Does your husband go to bed at 7.30?

Laquitar · 19/02/2014 17:31

How old is your dd? If she is preschooler she can nap in the afternoon (which gives you a nice rest) and then she can have a late bed time.
Or pay a student or a neighbour.

SelectAUserName · 19/02/2014 17:31

Oops...someone strange while I'm out? Oh God, I can't do it. I'll have to ring her and tell her. I can't even manage to walk a dog. I'm pathetic.

It isn't a simple thing for her OP. You say you understand but it doesn't sound like you do, not really - and you should be very grateful for that.

ColinFirthsGirth · 19/02/2014 17:31

YABVU - getting out of bed and out of the house can be extremely difficult for someone with depression.

Cravey · 19/02/2014 17:31

Your husband should be walking the dog. You might want to do some reading up on depression, it's not as simple as you seem to think.

mrsjay · 19/02/2014 17:32

yes she needs to get out the house maybe she does want to do something but being responsible every other day for a dog can be hard for people it is an extra responsibility for somebody without depression I would imagine a person who was ill it would be harder, if she said yes i will do it then a day she doesnt feel like it then she will feel she has let her family down etc etc, I think she was wise to say no outright

mrsjay · 19/02/2014 17:32

yes she said she needed to get out of the house*

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8