to think that someone with depression can walk a dog!

[madmacbrock]

I am not ignorant to the plight of people with depression and recognise that it is a serious illness. However I am 7 months pregnant with 2nd child and suffering really badly with back and pelvic pain, I cannot walk to the kitchen without the aid of a crutch let alone walk my dog. She doesnt need to much walking as she suffers with athritis. I asked my MIL, (who was diagnosed with depression in June and has been constantly saying she needs to get out of the house and do something) if she would walk my dog for 20 mins twice a week whenever she felt up to it just so she can get out and my husband can spend a bit of time with his daughter as he comes in from work at 6.30 she goes to bed at 7.30 and if hes walking the dog misses out on that time. She said no she didnt feel like it. I feel really bitter about it as myself and dh have bent over backwards past few months to help her out and she cant even do this one little thing for us. Should I talk to her or just ignore it and put it down to frustration and pregnancy anger and forget it?

That second post makes you sound like a monumental bitch. She hasn't felt able to exercise so therefore the depression is now all her fault and she deserves no sympathy.

Even if her doctor has told her to exercise that doesn't mean she is obliged to take on the responsibility of walking your dog.

If she doesn't feel up to it she doesn't have to do it.

Perhaps she feels more able to help out bil because he doesn't put pressure on her and isn't demanding? Your attitude alone would be very hard for a depressed person to deal with.

Bloody hell, is MN actually on the side of a MIL for once?!

tbh your explanation doesnt make it any better your mil for whatever reason has said no to walking your dog regardless what she does for her other son you are pissed off at her and thinks she should just pull herself together , as spakrlingbrook said walking a dog in february is kind of grim,

I think I am on the side of the dog. Poor thing just wants a bit of a walk.

I know sparkling op put a card up in a shop window somebody will do it for you

Why doesn't your dh walk the dog after 7.30? . I wouldn't want to commit to walking someones dog. Yabu to expect her to and then complaining about it when she refuses.

Perhaps your BIL is a lot more understanding about her illness and doesnt put any pressure on her to help him. There are people we enjoy helping and people we resent helping- for various reasons. Maybe think about how BIL talks to her, treats her etc.

I think the DH should be walking the dog, am and pm, and still find time to see the DC. But that's just because that's what my DH would do, and he wouldn't dream of asking his DM to do it.

Maybe she doesn't want to clean up its dog shit? Honestly I would refuse to walk a dog for my nearest and dearest on that basis.

Look after your own damn dog! Sheeesh

Don't get a dog if you can't look after it

Maybe she hates dogs but likes the grandchildren she's babysitting ??

Wow OP have a

Hope you've got your flame proof suit ready.

You think you are asking her for something very simple, but you are not. If she does more for your BIL it may be that she feels she can 'manage' more of what he asks? Or maybe he asks differently? Or there are different people involved, or maybe he doesn't want it as "regularly" and as "time-specific" as you do? Maybe in his requests he allows her more freedom? All these are huge factors, this is not a "simple" thing.

There is a painstakingly difficult process involved with everything for a depressed person: Waking up, getting out of bed, eating breakfast, getting dressed, showering, travelling, seeing people, dealing with a task... and all the self-consciousness and self-loathing that goes along with it.

I couldn't leave the house when my depression was at its darkest or talk on the phone or do most things that involved stepping outside where I felt "safe". Maybe she feels safe with your bil but encountering strangers out walking a dog is not what she wants to do. Fwiw we got a dog when I was recovering & it really helped getting me out, but I couldn't have done it until I was ready.

You're too ill to walk your dog - so is your mil.

So, no-one has a remnant of sympathy for the OP, then? " I am 7 months pregnant with 2nd child and suffering really badly with back and pelvic pain, I cannot walk to the kitchen without the aid of a crutch let alone walk my dog."

Sounds to me like the OP is having a really rough time and perhaps people could cut her a bit of slack.

I have sympathy for-

The OP-sounds like she is having a tough time of it.
The MIL-for the same reason
The dog-it wants a walk.

Oh. My. God. You're thinking of having a "talk" with her because she won't walk your dog for you? Despite knowing that she's suffering from depression? Even if she wasn't you'd be way out of line. It is true that depressed people benefit from getting out there and doing stuff, but putting pressure on her to do so for your convenience, when clearly motivated by bitterness about a completely separate issue, is really grim.

And I think, hackmum, that suggesting there hasn't been enough sympathy for an OP who clearly doesn't have any for her MIL, and has other solutions she could look to (getting her own husband to take responsibility for his pet, for example) is not really fair. Being pregnant and having a bad back doesn't give you carte blanche to make unreasonable demands of somebody with a mental illness.

In order to 'get out and do things' and even to 'do exercise' (both of which are very beneficial to depression sufferers), the worst of one's depression has to have receded, and you have to be on the road to recovery.

If you are severely depressed you will be trying to survive each day. This may mean staying in bed, staying in the house, trying to force yourself to eat something, possibly getting together the energy to wash, change your clothes or clean your teeth.

Walking someone else's dog to their specific timetable is about a trillion miles away from this.

yabVu. You don't have a clue.

5 out of 7 days i torment myself over the decision anout whether or not to have breakfast- and if i decide that yes- my body does need it today then i have the joy of deciding what to have. Most days i decide not to just to avoid having to choose what to have. It can take a few hours to get to the point where ive made that decision. Going out for a walk with someone else's dog can be complete torture if its a 'bad' day for me.

OP you keep saying you aren't insensitive and you have experience of depression and yet you keep posting utter rubbish. You have no clue.

Your Dh can walk the dog or get a dog walker.

I agree with all that has been said.

I would like to add the YABVU to even equate your MIL spending time with her GC, who no doubt give her a lift and walking your Dog.

Baby sitting for relatives isn't always a favour, the favour works both ways.

I have been in OP's situation. I am in OP's situation again currently (though not on crutches this time/yet). I still think YABU. My dh takes the dog out at 6am. I figured if I got really bad this time I'd hire a mobility scooter.

Here's an idea OP, pay a friends teenager to walk your dog after school. I used to do that as a kid. Lay off your MIL.

Why can't your dh either walk the dog before work or after your child has gone to bed?