to think that someone with depression can walk a dog!

[madmacbrock]

I am not ignorant to the plight of people with depression and recognise that it is a serious illness. However I am 7 months pregnant with 2nd child and suffering really badly with back and pelvic pain, I cannot walk to the kitchen without the aid of a crutch let alone walk my dog. She doesnt need to much walking as she suffers with athritis. I asked my MIL, (who was diagnosed with depression in June and has been constantly saying she needs to get out of the house and do something) if she would walk my dog for 20 mins twice a week whenever she felt up to it just so she can get out and my husband can spend a bit of time with his daughter as he comes in from work at 6.30 she goes to bed at 7.30 and if hes walking the dog misses out on that time. She said no she didnt feel like it. I feel really bitter about it as myself and dh have bent over backwards past few months to help her out and she cant even do this one little thing for us. Should I talk to her or just ignore it and put it down to frustration and pregnancy anger and forget it?

They don't have the dog in common - it is OP's dog, MIL doesn't want to look after it. What they have in common is both being too unwell to walk the dog. OP's DH appears to be able bodied, and unlike MIL he does have the dog in common with his wife.

I would have thought that being guilt tripped into walking a dog when you don't want to, with the emotional blackmail of dog walking contributing to the 'safe delivery of her grandchild' would dirve a massive wedge between MIl and DIL.

What utter nonsense that the grandchild's 'safe delivery' is dependent on MIL walking the dog. Good grief that's unbelievably manipulative talk.

it is really emotionally manipulative language I agree with you Kurri Kurri

I don't think anyone implied the OP was wrong to ask. Asking is fair enough, as long as you are prepared for the answer to be no.

I didn't say it was dependent - I said it would contribute.

I've pointed out upthread that able bodied DH probably has his work cut out stabilising the household after a day of active toddler & disabled mum.

"So £50 per week - adding up to probably £600 by the time OP is back on her feet. It's not pocket change!" well yes, dogs are expensive and a responsibility. However, it would appear that the OP only wanted the MIL to walk the dog twice a week, for less than half an hour so a dogwalker would probably do tht for £8 an hour.

The MIL doesn't want to, or is unable to take the dog out - i suffer from depression, i have to walk my mother's dog for her, its often a strain on me. At my worst, i can't do it.

I agree with LondonForTheWeekend that the OP has been on the end of some really savage piling-on here. Ironically, since it's all from people falling over themselves to show how sensitive you need to be to the feelings of others, especially if they have a lot of deal with in life.

The OP said that she bends over backwards to help her MIL out, so in return encouraging her to go for a 20 minute walk twice a week isnt unreasonable. If MIL is unable to do that then maybe the OP needs to stop bending over backwards to help her and put herself first.

nobody is piling in or on the op people just said the MIL is depressed and depression is quite a serious illness of course it would be lovely if the MIL helped out by walking the dog but she doesn't want to people are just trying to tell the OP she needs to come up with another solution for walking her dog,

So what about when the baby comes, who is going to walk the dog then? Maybe if the dog is causing difficulties they should consider rehoming it or fostering the dog out until such a time as they are able to look after him properly.

It would have been nice if the MIL could have done it, but she doesn't feel able to make that commitment, depression is a crippling illness. I would imagine its the commitment rather than the task that is the issue here. Also, not everyone likes or is comfortable around dogs.

That's the thing - depression is obviously an emotive issue - but it's not been helpful to have posters separate out the sheep and the goats: the depressed and the able bodied.

If I were a HV administering one of those risk of PND questionnaires - I'd score OP quite highly. Late pregnancy, debilitating health issues, feeling unsupported and overwhelmed - and by the tone of her OP feeling emotionally fragile.

I think a cry for help from a person with that profile should be treated seriously.

"deal with your own dog" is no more constructive than "pull yourself together"

I was being genuinely helpful, i thought, with the dogwalker suggestion - SPD is no walk in the park from what i understand.

OP - why ont post on "the doghouse" you might get some advice - the cinammon trust is an organisation that uses volunteers to help with people unable to walk their dogs due to illness, generally they help elderly people but they may well be able to help - i'd be happy to walk your dog a couple of times a week if i were doing this.

I'm sorry I haven't read the whole thread but speaking as a long term manic depressive (I hate the term bi-polar) and dog owner I think YABU.

Thread hijack alert : Procrastreation I have to pull you up on something you said on your last post - you can help me with something ive wondered about for some time.

The sheep and goats thing - how does one differentiate and what is it better to be? I have genuinely wondered this since university when one of the lecturers said "This course separates the sheep from the goats" None of us really knew what he meant, or whether it was better to be a sheep or a goat. I have never heard this saying since - so if you could enlighten me, i'd be muchly grateful.

are you a health visitor ? are you qualified to diagnose PND over the internet, of course the op is miserable she is on crutches still her dog though if the MIL doesnt want to do it then WHAT is the solution the husband does it or they get a dog walker,

Imo yanbu to ask, yanbu to be annoyed bil is bring put ahead of other family

BUT yabvvu if you expected mil to help out, you should never.expect anything other than to be left down, that way you get pleasant surprises when things go your way and someone says yes,

I think they are piling in mrsjay. Some posters have said 'you need to find another solution' but more have said she is ignorant etc. Not necessary for someone in the OP's vulnerable position as procrastreation has pointed out.

It's a bible reference - I'm not sure one is meant to be better - I think it's used to describe category a & category b in a general way - since most people are not sheep or goats!

mrsjay she didn't ask for a solution.

She asked AIBU? My answer is YANBU .

I haven't read the whole of this thread but as someone who has suffered from depression (and no doubt will again) I'm afraid to say that YABU. When I'm in the depths the most I can do is get up, put a bright face on for my DCs whilst I get them to school and then go back to bed until I'm next needed.
Currently I'm in a really good place - fought off my annual SAD with earlier Prozac than usual but even when I'm here I can still remember the overwhelming fatigue of depression. Difficult to understand when you've not been there.

Well said Mograt - I refer to the 'dark times' as The Black Dog and just sleep as much as I can get away with.

OP do you definitely know that the real reason that MIL has said that she can't walk the dog is her depression?

Is she a dog lover normally? It could just be that she doesn't want to walk the dog? I would never walk a dog for someone either, as I'm not confident with them and have absolutely no desire whatsoever to pick up their poo!

I dont think any