to think that someone with depression can walk a dog!

[madmacbrock]

I am not ignorant to the plight of people with depression and recognise that it is a serious illness. However I am 7 months pregnant with 2nd child and suffering really badly with back and pelvic pain, I cannot walk to the kitchen without the aid of a crutch let alone walk my dog. She doesnt need to much walking as she suffers with athritis. I asked my MIL, (who was diagnosed with depression in June and has been constantly saying she needs to get out of the house and do something) if she would walk my dog for 20 mins twice a week whenever she felt up to it just so she can get out and my husband can spend a bit of time with his daughter as he comes in from work at 6.30 she goes to bed at 7.30 and if hes walking the dog misses out on that time. She said no she didnt feel like it. I feel really bitter about it as myself and dh have bent over backwards past few months to help her out and she cant even do this one little thing for us. Should I talk to her or just ignore it and put it down to frustration and pregnancy anger and forget it?

Agree with Naffoff. I wouldn't want to walk someone else's dog twice a week, picking up their poo, and I'm not depressed.

I had very serious PND. I used to say to people things like "I need to get out" etc. In reality I could barely feed or care for myself. Walking someone else's dog twice a week would have been completely impossible for me. It was a major achievement for me to manage to take my DD the 15 mins to nursery and that was after 8 weeks of treatment. Depression can be like a horrible, torturous prison and can trap you in your house.

SPD is awful. I'd go with a dog walker.

Monica is right tho, there are many degrees of depression. It's not always obvious to anyone other than the person living with the sufferer what the degree is in a particular case.

It doesnt actuay matter to what degree the MIL is depressed- she never bought the dog and made a commitment to walk it. Even without any illness she's still under no obligation to walk it and shes not being UR to decline the invitation to do so without having to satisfy OP that her reason is valid enough. OP however did get a dog and has an obligation to walk it (along with her DH) so if family dont want to help out then its up to the two of them to work something else out whilst OP cant do it. Bottom line is the dog needs walked and only 2 people are responsible for making that happen. The MIL was never on the hook for this one.

And do you suggest that the OP & DH also take the view that it's MILs jeffing lift/ boiler repair/PC set up/ weeding / hospital appoitment - (as comes up)?

Of course.

They're under no obligation to help her or anyone else if they dont want to.

It's a really sad world where people are so zealous in policing the boundaries of their nuclear families. The whole "it's your choice to have a baby/dog/job/house - you deal with it" is not a robust attitude in the face of life's knocks and unexpected events.

We do better if we support our weak - and my view is that, in this situation both MIL & OP family are vulnerable in different ways.

Just pondering this- OP if you were to advertise for a dog walker and the first one that applied decided after talking to you they didnt want to walk your dog for some reason (lets say its a very jumpy dog on the lead or dog aggressive) would you be so annoyed? I doubt many would- they would accept that this person had decided it wasnt somethkng they wanted to do and that was someone who was being paid to do it yet people have trouble accepting that a person not even being paid to do you a favour mightnt want to.

It is a shame the MIl doesn't want to do it. It would help the Op and would probably also be good for her. Who knows whether she is up to it or not. The only thing that did occur to me is that the MIL may feel committing to doing it regularly, as opposed to only doing it occasionally and when she felt up to it, was too daunting.

Perhaps she feels more comfortable with what she does for BIL.

Try to be kind to her OP, even if she's annoying you.

The mil has depression. If she had a physical illness would you still expect her to walk the OP's dog?

well exactly nobody is saying to the op well you have crutches hobble along and take the dog yourself

It's your dog, pay a dog walker.

yes - I would ask someone with a physical illness that didn't directly affect ability to walk to help.

What would you do? Steer a wide course around them while they rotted in front on daytime telly?

Its not so much a case of 'you deal with it' as 'MIL hasnt committed to this pet in the way you have so can opt not to care for it'

We dont know the dynamic between MIL and her other son that makes her want to help him but clearly she doesnt have a 'you deal with it' attitude as a rule. Perhaps there is something in the way he asks or the things he asks her yo do that makes her want to.

For example; i have a lovely friend who would do anything for me and i in return do anything i can for her when she asks. We dont hold tally cards or squabble about who has done more for who, we just do what we can when asked.

My sister on the other hand will ask for favours that tbh i do begrudge doing at times because she isnt a giver without judgement or a lecture if i find myself needing help.

and if that person said no procrastination would you pull that same face

Btw- my friend and i have no problem saying no to each other if its something we feel we cant or dont want to do. No grudges are held. My sister sulks though if i cant help her.

I've only read the op. YABMassivelyU. You don't understand depression at all. It's not your MIL's responsibility to walk your dog. Hope this helps.

Yabu! When I was at my worst point I could not physically move my self from the sofa. It took all my strength to just get up! You will never understand if you haven't had depression. People asking me to do things would have made it much worse!

I'm with SillyBilly on this one.

Also, all the people suggesting that walking someone else's dog might be good for depression? I am - at best - ambivalent to all animals and walking it would probably go a long way to keeping me in my bed for a few days!

I have a dog- and i love him to pieces- i would actually panic at the thought of walking a strange dog that i didnt know well and didnt know how it behaved on the lead or around other dogs. My dog is safe to me- familiar and predictable- he knows my commands and tone and where to stop, sit to cross etc. i would be very nervous with a dog i'd never walked before.