*SENSITIVE* AIBU to think some people come across as ignorant nobs about suicide? *TRIGGERS*

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FB (sorry!) friend posted a status update complaining about being late home last night because someone threw themselves under their train. She and one of her FB friends (who I don't know) swapped several comments which included the phrases "selfish", "inconsiderate", "I would quite like to get home and enjoy my life thank you very much" etc.

I posted fairly mildly saying that it must have been frustrating but at least it was a minor inconvenience for her in the scheme of things and it was safe to say the other person, not to mention the driver, had had a far worse day. FB friend then claimed it was "light-hearted" and said they could post what they liked on their own news feed. I said that for some people, there is nothing "light-hearted" about suicide and they couldn't guarantee some of those people wouldn't be using social media; if they chose to post about a sensitive subject they could expect to get pulled up on it.

It wasn't long before I was accused (by FB friend's friend IYSWIM) of being "PC" (oh, how original) and of "attacking" my friend. I reiterated that this was an emotive subject and that maybe they should step back, re-read with an open mind and see that they weren't coming across as very empathic. And then I left it as it was starting to get to me.

AIBU to think that a woman in her 30s should have a bit more compassion about someone in the absolute depths of despair? Or am I being a sanctimonious old trout and "dictating" (that word was used too) what people can and can't say on their FB timeline?

I think if she'd said "sorry, I know I came across as a bit me me me - I was just letting off steam" it wouldn't have bothered me, but to use the word "light-hearted" as self-justification (there was nothing inherently humorous, OTT-for-effect or anything else to suggest light-heartedness about her OP - just a straight rant at have her evening plans disrupted) seemed totally inappropriate.

no but I can see that suicide has been introduced to the whole family with kids of an impressionable age as well.
Its hard to describe without revealing too much, sorry,

When a loved one choses to end their suffering, they have made a decision which, the wider family may not approve of.

As a family, we chose to accept his decision because what are the alternatives? Ending up full of rage and hate? Surely that then taints the lovely and precious memories that you have of that person.

James made his choice, we live with that everyday, but thinking him selfish and wrong would not help us at all.

You only have to read Couthy's posts to see the damage being angry at them can and does do in the long term.

I think I would possibly feel differently if it was one of my children, rather than my father, who knew the situation he would be cleaving me in. With my own children, I can imagine how I would feel very differently. This thread is causing me to challenge my views on what my dad did, and maybe that's not such a bad thing. Why would I feel so differently if it was one of my DC's, that's what I'm pondering.

YANBU. That was crass and insensitive of her.

I'm not full of rage and hate for my dad though - I can feel that what he did was selfish whilst still loving him for the way he looked after me for the 6 years I lived with him before he died.

I agree with whoever said up thread that it is like being in unimaginable physical pain constantly.

Plus constant unwanted visions/compulsions/fantasies about hurting yourself. A bit like when you get a nice compulsion to kiss someone you like, very hard to stop yourself from acting on it in some circumstances.

I just wanted to apologise again for hijacking this thread last night. It was not my intention and the heartbreaking posts today really show that it was not appropriate for me to have posted.

Obviously I can't speak for anyone else, but for me suicide is not about hurting the people left behind. It is about genuinely believing that people will be better off without me.

I'm going to retire this name now. Thanks.

I agree. STOPPID ignaz

Late to posting I know, its taken me since wednesday to actually pluck up to post this, have never actually opened up to anyone other than the GP about it.

3 1/2 years ago, I came very close to putting my car under/directly in front of a lorry. It was a split second thought, directly on its heels came another thought, the one that prevented me doing so. But for that split second, it seemed the best idea in the world to move my foot from brake to accelerator and drive onto the roundabout, directly into a lorry. It meant the end of fighting, the end of being tired all the time, the end of not being enough, having enough, doing enough. It was the wake up call to how bad things were, and got me on anti-depressants. Wasn't the full solution, 2 years later I went on to an almost total breakdown, however suicide never came into it then.

From a selfish point of view - I would have snarled up probably the busiest and key roundabout in the town. It would have been a nightmare that afternoon and evening. I would have devastated the lorry driver who would purely have been in the wrong place at the wrong time, the same with any other drivers and passengers in the vicinity. I would potentially have left my son without a mother, and my parents without a daughter, my siblings without their sister, and even if I hadnt died, I would have been seriously injured.

It was a split second thought. It wasnt something I had stopped and thought about or considered prior to that point. If I hadnt been at the front of the queue and if the lorry hadnt been coming around the roundabout at that time, it may never have entered my head. But I refuse to believe that had it happened, had it succeeded, or even not succeeded I was doing it to be selfish. At that second in time (and I didnt even have time to move my foot, so quick was the thought to replace it) all I could think was peace, quiet, enough.

Sweetheart - you are on a losing battle here. Sorry

Most people just cannot understand the desperation and bottomless sadness that drives the majority of people to take their lives. At that moment, they honestly believe it is the ONLY solution for them and the best solution for their loved ones. I believe they are wrong - but at that moment they believe they are right.

Some people love to gloat in their own self righteousness - best avoid, and de-friend as much as possible.