To be upset dp doesn't want to marry me

[bellabella10]

As background we've been together for 5 years and have an 18 month old together. When we first moved in together about a year into the relationship we would talk, possibly jokingly, about getting married and having kids at some point in the future. Our baby was a surprise although we love him so much.

Whenever i have brought up the subject in the past two years (not often) he just changes the topic. Last week i approached it head on (I want to change my name anyway so we all have the same surname old school) he said he doesn't want to get married and doesn't know why. I will change my name by deed poll i suppose but it still upsets me.

I didn't even want a big do (although i get a tiny bit jealous when i see my friends getting married) and would be happy going to the registry office with only a few close friends and family.I have a feeling is because he had family abroad but they do come over and we could have a small ceremony in both countries.

I am Ms. That's how old school feminist I am

deserves better Better than what?youre inferring unmarried is inadequate something to be bettered

I am also Ms Have several friends not married and none hoping to either! But all independent before getting into a relationship.

Does no one else see the irony of so many posts arguing that people should get married just to protect themselves in separation/death

But then again, I have never expected to be kept by a partner either when we were together or split up.

Nor would I have never expected anyone else to support my 4 DC. If I am the resident parent it is my job to provide. Any contribution of the NRP was optional.

"deserves better"

Jesus wept!!! Remind me what century we're in?

Bob your post is addressed properly,you're unmarried,hence no mr and mrs greeting. It cannot be infantilising to have your post correctly addressed.your not mr and mrs.end of. You don't like girlfriend,so tell him.seeing he buys you girlfriend card and introduce you others as his girlfriend

Scottish - you aren't saying anything I don't know but that doesn't mean I am not allowed to be upset by it. I don't like having post addressed to 'Sharon and Andy' (not real names) because it looks childish and incorrect on the envelope.

Thanks Raffles {flowers}

I know deserves better Better than what?

Pagwatch, we meet again that last bit was for you but didn't see the name when added previous reply.

Yes if you are a SAHM it is only right you are supported while you find your feet. If you are a SAHM because of a child with difficulties then you will need support as long as you need it because he really would be leaving you in the shit too not just DC

I think 2014 it's genuinely astonishing people are sad that woman is unmarried
If you want financial protection make it yourself instead of hoping for marriage
And no not all women secretly hope fir marriage.if I get post addressing me as mrs I correct that assumption

I've heard this so many times.. guys don't want to get married. They don't see the point of marriage. Marriage isn't for them. Then they leave their 'girlfriend' meet someone else and get married to her. So they're not against marriage. They just don't want to marry their current partner.

A side issue perhaps but why does the father have his sole surname for the child? OP I wouldn't change your name but I would at least double-barrell your child's. You don't need to use deed poll afaik and can just start filling forms out with the new surname.

(I'm a Ms. I thought it was going to take over and I notice younger women seeming a bit perplexed as I have a very trad. looking home set-up.)

Well bob,he introduces you as his girlfriend.you don't like term girlfriend.tell him
Are you expecting me to say poor you,that your post is in fact correctly addressed?
You'll perpetually be upset on near daily basis as mail arrives,seeing your not married

Nor would I have never expected anyone else to support my 4 DC. If I am the resident parent it is my job to provide. Any contribution of the NRP was optional.

No it isn't optional

We have invitations addressed to the "my surname-his surnames" as if we share a double barrelled surname. The kids do, so maybe they assume we all do.

eeves it sounds like you didn't realise, becasue all the women on thread are under the impression that they are safe. Because they have been told that, their partner hasn't said well if we break up I realise you will have not worked for 8 years and have been looking after our 5 children but I'm really going to try and leave you high and dry..... You can't tell tales with a prenup you have to be totally upfront and honest and everyone chooses to be Ok or not Ok with that.

Gosh, just had a thought, lots of people, who we have met through our kids, probably think we are married and it really is our surname.

Of course I'm a Ms. Am always slightly taken aback by women who aren't, tbh.

My aunt actually seems to assume I have got married and become a Mrs Hisname-Myname on account of the Inferiorettes. As she is a 73 year old nun I sort of let her off the hook. Everyone else I get seriously pissed off with.

Well bob,he introduces you as his girlfriend.you don't like term girlfriend.tell him Are you expecting me to say poor you,that your post is in fact correctly addressed? You'll perpetually be upset on near daily basis as mail arrives,seeing your not married

Um no ta, I don't need you to patronise me thanks. I won't be upset on a daily basis - official post comes to me addressed to my surname - it's the invites to weddings / christenings etc that come addressed to 'Sharon and Andy' on the envelope that I dislike. I'm no social butterfly - these don't come daily.

People dont really expend energy wondering who's married or not based on double barrelled kids surnames
Marriage is significant to those two,but not to anyone else.
Unless someone expressly tells me they're married I presume unmarried

this thread is very general now so can i just throw in that if you are in, or contemplating, an Islamic marriage (mosque certificate, no registry office) you will legally still be the girlfriend not the wife and have no entitlement to a share in the house or to financial support for yourself if the marriage ends. your children should be protected under the csa though.

Have you asked your partner to not introduce you as his girlfriend,seeing you dislike it?
You're tying your self up in antiquated etiquette about how post looks?
Well seeing your unmarried it's always going to be post addressed to his surname and you

ready but isn't a civil partnership pretty much the same as marriage or am I just a bit behind the times?

Marriage is the traditional thing..one man one woman. The woman (previously) couldn't own property, had to take her husband's name it was the whole sexist enchilada. Under God etc. So there is a lot of historical baggage for women.

Civil partnership has no religious connotations and is two people who the government recognize as being together.

Civil partnership is same sex,marriage is man and woman