PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

I assumed they'd had their first child before they got married?? OP said they got married 3 years ago and I'm assuming they knew each other for a while before taking that step....

This has to be a piss take. You have described somebody who paid for your husband to go through university and subsequently paid his children £500 a month each as "unbelievably tight". Can't you see how twattish that is? Has the thought of just supporting yourself and living within your means like the vast majority of the population have to do never struck you?
To suggest cutting contact with somebody because he doesn't want to pay his grown up children vast amounts of money anymore is literally beyond belief.

OP, maybe start a new thread for help on the financials? I can understand needing to vent but you've no time really, you need practical solutions. They might not be forthcoming on this thread.

Why would that devastate you? He is someone else's child. That person sadly is dead. I'm assuming you/your child would have inherited his Fathers estate though? What has happened to all that money?

Not in London, no.

SIL is also pissed off with FIL, on our behalf. She says it is ridiculous that we haven't been given warning.

Her and her DH are financially stable, but don't really have spare money. They travel a lot and have recently bought an apartment which took all their savings.

How did you manage to get such an enormous mortgage if you both work at such low-paid jobs? And, more importantly, WHY?

The only solution I can think of is either to move somewhere cheaper or for your husband to give up his studies and get a proper job to support his family.

No cheaper rental in your city? What in the whole of the city? Really what is this top class city? Can't be in the UK then!

Scrimper he didn't have an estate to inherit sadly.

I would be devastated if FIL thought of DS as not my DH's, because he adopted him. He is is father.

OP do look at whether you can use one of your bedrooms to take in students - or maybe an au pair, who could reduce your costs of childcare?

£1350 is not unusual for a 2 bed house where I live, so it may be that you only have two, but the baby can sleep in with you, freeing up a room. We have several friends who have done this to make ends meet, and had some lovely students on hand babysitters too.

It's a big drop in income and must be a shock for you. Perhaps your dh could take a break in his studies, for a year or two to tide you over? It may be that in that time he is able to find a better paid first job too - do encourage him to look at finance office jobs in higher education: they pay a lot more than £9k and welcome people with some accountancy training - you don't have to be a fully qualified accountant to work there.

It is the UK, it is very expensive and no, we couldn't find a cheaper rental.

Regardless of rent, we are now tied to our current rental, which FIL knew.

And sorry, but unless you're in London, not being able to find a cheaper place to rent is utter rubbish. Even if you were in London, finding a 2 bed place for less than £1350 is perfectly possible if you're willing to compromise on specific area.

I agree that starting another thread in the credit crunch section would be best. This is a massive mess of a thread.

Name why do you think fil has done this, cant you talk to your sil and at least get some light shed on it?

Something is going seriously wrong in the UK if two people working four jobs between them have needed £48,000 given to them (ok, was just your DP initially) over 8 years 'just to live'.

We do only have 2 bedrooms, so even if we were allowed a lodger, we don't have space (or suitable furniture!) Nor for an Au-pair.

Have you actually spoke to your FIL about how much financial trouble you are In now? He may genuinely not realise what effect the stopping of the money is having on you.

You just don't get it OP do you?

Op- Yar book sucks it's not fair

everyone else - yes it is, are you trolling if you don't understand this?

OP- Yar boo sucks it's not fair stamps foot with bells on

Good try OP !!!

I get it, IABU.

Could you talk to your landlord and see if they would let you out of the contract early? I know it's 18 months, but under the circumstances, they might be willing to work something out. Assuming you leave the place in good condition, he may be able to re-rent it within a couple of months. Perhaps then he would only make you liable for the months it wasn't rented.

What is your husband's existing degree in?

So you previoulsy only had one bedroom, then you moved to a 2 bed so the baby could....stay in with your and your other DC could have his own room ?

What a load of bollocks:

We didn't 'decide' to have another child, it was a happy accident. We moved to a new house to accommodate us all

We can't move somewhere smaller. A lot of assumptions are being made here! Our DS isn't at an age where it would be appropriate to share with a baby, he is at school

We only have 2 bedrooms ATM. No space for a lodger

We just moved because it is cheaper than our last place

So your new house flat is cheaper than your old one, can accommodate you all. But is 2 bedrooms not 3 and you won't put the baby in with its brother?

steff we only signed the contract last month. We can't do anything about it.

His degree is in media.

idrather No, we previously had 2, we still have 2, but now with room for a cot in our bedroom.

I know it's all hindsight and blah blah blah, but what on earth were you doing signing a rental contract on a property that takes up well over a third of your income, when you knew your costs were going to increase?

You need to get your arse to CAB and see if you can get out of that contract, or at least negotiate so you can leave if they find new tenants for the lease period. You can't afford that place, seriously you can't.

Your DS or you and DH can share with the baby so if you think you can't manage without three bedrooms, you are just plain wrong.

Do you really need your car for work? Or just to get to work? In your situation I think you need to look at every avenue for cutting costs, and that would be one of them.

X-post on the bedroom issue.

Dallas yes.

I don't think an 8 year old can share with a baby. Maybe I am wrong and need to rethink this. Regardless, our room wasn't big enough to fit a cot before, it is in our new flat. That is why we moved.