PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

Ok, the situation is shit but it can improve. If you were to give up your second and third job, and only stay with the job that provides maternity leave you would be entitled to tax credits.

You would then also remove the need for childcare for a while whilst you were off... hand in notice asap to match maternity leave.

How long does your DH have to go with his training?

Your PIL have been unfair, notice could have been given.

Leaving aside whether you were right to take the money, or rely on it, or whether your maths add up, to lose £500pm is a big drop.

It seems odd that FIL would make this decision because rich, childless SIL doesn't need it anymore. Is there more to this? How is DH's relationship with his dad and his sister's relationship with her dad.

It does seem as if your DH will need to take on a 2nd job as everything else seems to have been tried.

Your post on page 3 at 13:12:27 states "DH earns £11k from his job. I earn £9k from one job, £9k from the other and £4k from the other." This equals £33,000

Now you're contradicting yourself on page 6 at 13:47:30 which states "He is on £11k a year. I earn £9k a year from 2 jobs, and an extra £4 from weekend work." This equals £24,000. Blimey if you don't even no how much you earn then no wonder your finances are screwed. At the end of the day you dont actually seem to want any help or advise! Everyone on here has offered some great solutions to your financial problems but you keep thinking of excuses as to why these suggestions wont work so you have two choices : accept that your screwed and need to make financial sacrifices and huge lifestyle changes or bury your head in the sand and get massively into debt trying to maintain your current lifestyle! I don't believe for one second that there arent any changes you could make to sort out this problem you just want people to tell you that your PIL are being BU and to sympathise with you which the majority of mn clearly dont think they are BU or that you deserve sympathy - you simply need to learn to live within your means!

Well you will have to cut costs somehow. It's seems you have a stumbling block at every suggestion people make.

Seeing someone about the rather odd contract you are in and moving to a smaller place does seem like the best solution.

That or your DH breaks from his studies and gets a higher paying job.

It seems odd that FIL would make this decision because rich, childless SIL doesn't need it anymore. Is there more to this?

My pils always use sil as a barometer of what he should be doing.

No, unexpected, it wasn't because this baby was a happy accident.

There is no cheaper rental available in our city.

We need the car as I wouldn't get from one job, to DS school, drop off at home and on to next job in time using public transport. And it takes over an hour on night bus so I would get home an hour later at 2am.

I do feel some sympathy, NameChanged, just because a loss of £500 income a month would be significant for us too. While you were never entitled to money from your FIL, it seems harsh for him to stop so suddenly, if he knows you've made plans on the assumption that the support would be ongoing.

On the other hand, I don't honestly understand how you were happy with the situation before. I think I'd be in a state of constant anxiety if I knew that our ability to pay the mortgage was dependent on someone else's generosity. I would have been only too aware that FIL could change his mind & leave us in the shit at any moment.

I'm also quite conscious that supposedly strings-free gifts can be anything but, & I wouldn't like to feel obliged to PIL in that way.

AngelaDaviesHair pretty much summed up my reaction on the first page.

So is your oldest dc your dh's dc? Because if you weren't in the picture 4 years ago and the older dc os at school...?

It's all terribly hard to keep track of.

I'm confused. Is your older dc your husband'a biological child? You said he was because the new baby 'isn't about him becoming a dad'. But you also said your ds is school age - which is four/ five yet you weren't 'in the picture in 2010'. No wonder your FIL doesn't want to help. He must be as confused as me!

NMW is now £6.31 per hour so if you are earning £6.19 that is already wrong, you need to get that sorted. Remember you will also get Child Benefit for your second child so that will help the shortfall a little. You need to get the 18-month no break clause rental contract looked at - doesn't sound normal.

Is your older ds also your dh's? From his age/length of time you seem to have known dh, it seems perhaps not. Are you getting other support for him?

I had ds in with me until he was over 2 years old. I certainly didn't move into a bigger house that I couldn't afford as soon as I got the bfp...
You need to call tax credits and talk with them what help you can get now and if you give up one of your jobs.

If he's only been supporting you since you were married in 2010 and you have a school age child I'm assuming the older child is not your husbands child?

Are you getting maintenance for him? Could FIL have grown tired of supporting another mans child if his own Father isn't supporting him?

max read it again. You've missed off the second £9k.

It;s not an odd contract, it is the norm here. You sign a lease and are tied on for the duration. It's perfectly normal.

Our flat is really small.

If DH takes a break from studying and gets a second job, he'll have wasted 2.5 years of training, and also it's only a short term solution. So not a very good one, IMO.

It's okay, I get it. IABU. We should be more grateful (which we really, really are) for the past money we have had. I understand

Literally no cheaper rental . Really?? With a shit contract on it and no possiblity at all of a loan for. The PILs?

Then DH must stop his studies and get a job that pays better.

Op why cant you give us more background..

But if you cannot afford your lifestyle then he must get a job and write off the last two years.

There is no other choice. You've ruled them all out

OP your single biggest outgoing is your rent. You really should look into getting advice about how you can get out of that contract/how early you can get out of it.

You really should try to ma ke the drop to 2 bedrooms (guessing you have 3 atm)

Also, definately look into getting a lodger. Baby in with you and your DH for 6 months/a year. Otherwise this is going to be unsustainable.

Also, please ensure you have risk/health assesments done in your workplace if you are planning on just taking 3 weeks mat leave. You'll be working up to your due date pretty much and you will need things checking over as working that amount of hours late into pg is really going to affect you.

Older child is DH's by adoption. DS's father died, so no maintenance.

And I would be devastated if FIL thought of DS as 'another mans child'. That has actually left me in tears. DH would be absolutely gutted if this is the case.

YABU My goodness you were already very lucky - you had a good run! Most people don't get money from parents every month!

Could you speak to SIL?

Perhaps ask your sil and bil if they can lend you anything until after your dh finishes his training?
Can your dh postpone his studies so he can get another job? As an aside, my dh would not allow me to work 3 jobs if I was pregnant.he would do everything he could to carry the brunt himself.

I'm guessing you are in London as you mention night buses (and the size of your rent!)

There's GOT to be something cheaper/slightly further out etc that has some rentals!

We only have 2 bedrooms ATM. No space for a lodger (though we wouldn't be allowed anyway, as it would be subletting).

We just moved because it is cheaper than our last place.

Even if DH stopped studying, he couldn't get a night job as we would have no childcare. We can't both work at night?

IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM

Why would she give more background?

Hide the thread OP, you'll only continue to get hammered.