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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

999 replies

NameChangedForPILissue · 17/02/2014 12:42

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

OP posts:
HopefulHamster · 18/02/2014 13:32

I feel for you OP, but you've got to have a plan. You can't afford that rent, or to put your head in the sand. I think you need to speak to your ll and say 'we can't afford this, if you leave us we will fall behind in arrears, how soon can you let us go'. If it's a letting agent suggest you might be able to fill one of their cheaper properties.

Do a decent incomings/outgoings spreadsheet too.

I know hindsight is of little use now, but I do think you were a bit bonkers for going for the higher rent 'you could afford' - I'd rather have gone cheaper and used the £500 element for other things, or even to save with.

Good luck.

deadduck · 18/02/2014 14:47

I second Channel Islands. I thought there are circumstances when you can't claim any EU benefits (true Islander?) and the rents would be that high. And possibly different tenancy laws. But I don't really understand much about it and I really shouldn't contribute to outing OP, feel bad now

Sarahschuster · 18/02/2014 15:04

There is no point speculating on where the OP lives. She's already said that her initial claim about not being able to find anywhere cheaper to rent was untrue. The rest of her story is incoherent at best. Looking for logic is doomed to failure, as who knows what is real and what is made up.

Electryone · 18/02/2014 15:16

I think OP does qualify for tax credits, she is saying she cant claim them, which is a different thing. And the reason she cant say why she cant claim is because it would identify her potentially, which is a little puzzling. I would have thought there are only a few reasons you cant claim if you qualify, and thats if you have too much savings (not the case here by the looks of it) or you have previously claimed too much and have a huger overpayment, either accidentally or deliberately. None of which I would have thought would have identified OP in real life. So because this is a crucial fact - if OP could/would claim tax credits then problems would probably be solved - I am suspicious why its a blind "oh we cant claim".

RafflesWay · 18/02/2014 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bagofnutsnbolts · 18/02/2014 15:22

Story changed on another thread she has started, same person very different story! And still not taking any advice from MN so I wouldn't waste your time on this one gals

Bearbehind · 18/02/2014 15:23

I don't understand all the 'it would out me IRL' comments.

I'm pretty sure if anyone knew-

an 8 month pregnant woman
who works 3 jobs
Who's husband is studying
who has moved house in the last month
who has a pilot and a lawyer BIL/SIL
who has an 8 year old son who has been adopted by her second husband
who's first husband died

Where she lived and why she can't claim any benefits is hardly going to 'out' any more! Hmm

Rinoachicken · 18/02/2014 15:23

Could it be that not everything is being done 100% a above board (the invoicing of her employer for regular hours while she is classed as SE seems odd for example) and therefore is not/cannot be disclosed to HMRC???

RafflesWay · 18/02/2014 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplebaubles · 18/02/2014 15:34

New thread

She's changed her story again. Goodness me. Now the husband earns £20k and she earns £9k. Any sympathy I might have had disappeared when I saw that she has gym membership (v expensive) and pays £80 a month on mobile phones Shock

Oh. and her 'rent' is now £1000 a month...

purplebaubles · 18/02/2014 15:34

Sorry x post!

AngelaDaviesHair · 18/02/2014 15:36

Nobody needs to pay £80 a month on mobile phones, and home broadband on top of that.

If OP isn't giving her true financial circumstances, then what is the point of it all?

Bagofnutsnbolts · 18/02/2014 15:37

Yeh accept bear turns out she doesn't work 3 jobs or even 2! Today her husband ears 20k. Interestingly she has mentioned the £500 had come from PIL and then stopped. Beginning to feel sorry for her FIL. Yeh I am not being very nice. But loads of decent hard working mums netters have gone out of their way for this one. An I smell a rat and a big one at that!

HyvaPaiva · 18/02/2014 15:41

Turns out she calls it rent after all Grin

Hmm at the whole thing. Utter nonsense.

RafflesWay · 18/02/2014 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starfishmummy · 18/02/2014 15:42

I thought it was ds's happy I could smell but I think you are right bag

starfishmummy · 18/02/2014 15:43

*nappy !!

Bagofnutsnbolts · 18/02/2014 15:43

Sorry should read hasn't! Not has!

HappyMummyOfOne · 18/02/2014 16:04

Definetly a wind up, one of the jobs has gone, figures have changed, child benefit is now included and gym and mobiles. If OP truly had three jobs i doubt six weeks ago she would have signed up for a gym!!

Not to mention childcare for the newborn is half what the older childs childcare costs are!

Somebody needs to find another activity over half term Grin

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 18/02/2014 16:08

This is probably the most unreasonable thread I've ever seen on MN.

You've been supported for years, you call your benefactors tight and then you threaten to throw your toys out of the pram when they try to cut the apron strings.

Grow up and stop being spoilt brats.

HyvaPaiva · 18/02/2014 16:08

I tried to say 'look, don't cry, if you lie people cannot help, they need accurate facts and figures'. The response? 'I haven't lied'. Fuck it. The whole thing is a lie!

HyvaPaiva · 18/02/2014 16:12

OP says on other thread she hasn't lied and will answer any questions put to her. Hmm

ViviPru · 18/02/2014 16:12

OMG! I now have the rage.

She now has 2 jobs, not 3.
Mortgage Rent is now £1000 "I said rent was higher on the last thread, and omitted other bills to offset the cost." come again????
DH now earns 20K
Now she's planning to WFH

At least she's finally stated about the TCs and where they live.

Its a while since MN has irked me so.

HyvaPaiva · 18/02/2014 16:13

How can you do bar work from home?! Grin

HungryHorace · 18/02/2014 16:13

It was frustrating reading this last night. It's even more frustrating reading her new thread today, what with the story change and all the 'can'ts' in there.

God knows what's going on, but either this thread or the other, or both, are bullshit. :-/