PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

I think there has been a lot of useful advice given already but some of the suggestions (although they make good financial sense) might not be practical e.g. if OP gives notice on the flat and the landlord agrees to let her leave she will need somewhere else to live, it doesn't sound like she has a spare £1,000 for the deposit on a cheaper flat that she would have to pay out before getting her current deposit back (LL may even be able to keep the deposit if the contract is broken). They will soon be a family of four with a newborn baby, and it would be a massive imposition to ask friends or family to put them up until they get sorted. As others have said without more information it's difficult to say anything constructive but I wish you good luck with everything!

I think the only reason you cant get tax credits is if you have no recourse to public funds, if that is the case then your husband needs to get a better paid job, put his studying on hold until the children are older, and just move, I had to break a lease once, I explained to landlord I had lost my job they kept the deposit for last months rent, in theory I was liable for the rest of the rent but the rented flat to someone else and were happy for me to leave.

My parents are very wealthy. as are my PIL.

My parents have helped us out a hugely with our finances but never with presumed monthly cash handouts. They've helped me and DH buy putting lump sums towards deposits for our house purchases (and upon my insistence they are on the trust deeds so if the properties are sold they get their money back). Helped out buying us a family car.

My mum has always said that she doesn't want to see us struggling towards the end of the month and has offered hundreds of times to give a cash amount every month.

I have NEVER accepted for a number of reasons. Firstly, I am not owed anything. Secondly I never want it thrown in face in an argument. Thirdly, I don't want to ever rely on it and see it as 'income'. These are the reasons I would never want to rely on it are as follows, a sum that can be revoked AT ANY TIME FOR ANY REASON. What if they can't afford it? It's not your business by the way if they are in any financial difficulty or not or what they choose to do with their money. They may want to make an investment in something so need to claw back on their outgoings.

You have clearly gotten used to your FIL generosity and have included it in your budget rather than being really sensible and saving it.

Also, what are you doing moving to an expensive area?! My parents have asked if we want to move, yes we do but we know we wouldn't be able to afford the monthly out goings. Of course my parents are generous enough to offer to help us financially every month but there is no way I would ask that of them for the reasons stated above.

I strongly suggest you move to an area which is more within your means, that will reduce you council tax, repayments etc.

Also I'm sure you PIL are trying to do they fair and right thing. I'm almost certain if you were in you SIL position you would be outraged if he continued to give the poorer of the children money, that would show favouritism!

I really am in absolute shock. Unfortunately you haven't come across well on your post, I'm hoping it's because anger got the better of you and aren't really that whingy. What did you no favours, by the way, was passing judgement on what they spend their money on car wise etc.

FYI my mum cuts my dad's hair, mum won't but any other make up than Rimmel, she saved pound coins to buy her designer handbag for 2 years. And they live in a house worth 2 million and drive beautiful cars but they (and I like to think like me) understand the value of money and how to not take anything for granted.

Good luck with everything, unfortunately I think you're going to need it.

Read the first 17 pages of the thread, and then stopped. But I think the only options are: 1. Get some advice from CAB or Shelter about whether you can get out of the rental contract and/or whether you're entitled to housing benefit. 2. Get a loan to tide you over, either from the bank or your FIL (could you explain the dire situation to your MIL and ask her to put pressure on him?)

Otherwise it looks as if you will end up homeless. Surely your PIL wouldn't want that?

Just for the record .... £980 a year car insurance in an expensive city is very good!

I'm 25, 1 years no claims and my quotes are still near the £2000 mark for a 1.4
(I live in London)

Its about time the op reread her posts and got her story straight. It seems to change with every post she makes.

The reason PIL are probably so well off is that they are careful with their money, the move, the pregnancy, the degree that was useless followed by another degree was probably all to much. They may even feel responsible that their son is not standing on his own two feet and their DIL is overworked. Speak to them, admit decisions made have not been the right ones but you need help to readjust and live within your own means.

I just thought I'd do the OP the courtesy of reading the whole rheas because I may have been a bit harsh.

I haven't. And when I read this line, I quote 'I thought it was OK, because really it's the same as inheritance, it's just money from your parents' yesterday at 15.41pm.

Inheritance is a privilege NOT a right.

If my parents chose to leave all of their money to charity I wouldn't question it.

That one sentence alone sums up (in my opinion) why everyone is so cross with you.

I still can't fathom out why you won't give a rough indication as to why you can claim WTC or CTX, or as to where you live.

People are only asking so they can offer constructive advice. It's difficult to ask for it or offer it unless certain facts are stated.

I've done a little research; the five most expensive cities in the UK are: Westminster, St Albans, Oxford, Winchester and Chichester (in that order).
I have done a brief search for 2 bed flats on Rightmove.

Westminster - 379 flats under £1300pcm.
St Albans - 139 flats under £1300pcm.
Oxford - 248 flats under £1300pcm.
Winchester - 87 flats under £1300pcm.
Chichester - 40 flats under £1300pcm.

Westminster - 78 flats under £1000pcm
St Albans - 92 flats under £1000pcm
Oxford - 152 flats under £1000pcm
Winchester - 62 flats under £1000pcm
Chichester - 39 flats under £1000pcm.

These are the UKs most expensive cities. And there are A LOT of flats available in each one for under £1000pcm.

I'm as to why the OP insists she cannot move to a cheaper flat and thus SIGNIFICANTLY reducing her biggest outgoing.

A lease contract can be got out of! This is a minor tiny issue.
Reading the OPs comments (I've read the whole thread) I get the impression she just doesn't want to move.

Atbeckandcall

In other countries, it is a right. Parents can't completely take their kids out of the will (they will always be left with a minimum amount) and I do think that's right. Those parents put the kid into the world - you shouldn't have the luxury of thinking you just don't like him/her anymore...

I'm guessing that the OP is actually in the Channel Islands, however if the rents are higher the income tax is almost non-existent, so she is still doing better than some people even before the PILs help.

objection

A little research?!

Bloody hell objection. Next time I have research to do for work would it be possible to just employ you. Amazing. Op I stand by what I said before. It's your fil money. He can do what he wants with it. You need to help yourself put of this instead of waiting for someone else to do it.

gotta have a hobby

Snowbells

In other countries yes, you're absolutely right.
Not in this green and pleasant land though. If you write a will, you can choose to leave that lovely, delicious dosh to the local Cats Protection League/Donkey Sanctuary/Local Parish and no-one can contest it.

Different story if no will has been written though. Then it will end up with the next of kin.

Objection - you're hired!

I'm still stuck on the maths. I think OP is working 63 hours/week between her 3 jobs, anyway, I'm amazed she has any energy to come on here as well. It seems really odd to me that OP isn't entitled to any benefits, though.

OP, I think you need to stop thinking of this as lost income, and try to think of it as a bonus coming to an end - that is what it was, and it's a shame you relied upon it as part of your core income, to the extent of factoring it into your choice of accommodation etc.

But that's done now, so you need to move on. I can see why people have become spectacularly frustrated - a lot of what you are saying doesn't, on the face of it, seem to make sense. That may be because some info has been withheld/changed for anonymity purposes, or it may be because you yourself aren't entirely certain of the exact situation. Whatever the reason, you need to be far more proactive and on top of your finances.

Contact your letting agents - it would be a very stupid landlord who, when faced with tenants telling him in no uncertain terms that they would soon be defaulting on the rent, refused to enter into any sort of arrangement to end the tenancy. Be clear and be firm, and make some arrangement. There will be cheaper accommodation available - you concede this yourself earlier in the thread. You will have to compromise on area/type/bedrooms, but there will be something out there for less than you are currently paying.

Look at your own salaries carefully - it does not sound as though either of you are being properly (possibly even legally) paid. Talk to some agencies and see if you can get an idea of what you are both worth in other jobs.

Seek some proper advice re benefits. There are limited scenarios that could lead to you being ineligible for benefits, and it doesn't sound like your situation is straightforward, since you had to ask SIL to look into it for you. Look into it yourself. There may be something you can claim.

Make a proper budget - go on money saving forums and search on MN for ideas.

You seem to be batting all advice back to people - you need to start thinking around the problem, rather than just saying 'no, that won't work.'

Objection
I feel strangely deflated seeing that I was proved right - I DO live in one of the most expensive cities for renting! :/

...I need to move.

I cannot get my head around you saying you don't quality for tax credits. On that low a salary, you must. We get tax credits with a household income not much lower than your combined wages. If you rent in an expensive area, you may well also qualify for Local Housing Allowance (basically housing benefit for private tenants).

Apologies if anyone has already suggested this (I started RTFT but it's too long for me to plough all the way through!) but check out the turn2us.org benefits calculator. You input your household and income details and it lists every kind of help you can apply for. I would cheerfully bet my left leg there's help there that you could get.

WRT to the PIL and who is BU... You have had it bloody lucky to get so much money off them for so long. But you know that. It isn't nice or thoughtful of your FIL to suddenly stop the money with no warning or time for you to adjust, but it is his right to do that. Don't cut contact with him over it. That would be massively twatty of you and really would make you both look grabby and entitled.

My pils are incredibly incredibly wealthy. I did not realise the extent of their wealth until
Earlier this year when they started to talk us through inheritance tax etc in the event of their demise which hopefully will be a long way off. It is terribly complicated and dh and I feel out of Our depth. They would ideally like us to take on their home and land too but it will be such a huge burden- they employ a ft gardener and oil bills are £1000 p/month ffs!

They have helped us out ie gave us money towards a house on the proviso that we also got a mortgage of x amount so that we had 'an incentive to work hard', which I think was wise, unfortunately this proviso did not apply to dh's two brothers, who IMO have taken the mick a lot. They are lacking in ambition, unfocused, complacent, entitled, lazy. One in particular is in complete
Self destruct mode, am
Sure thanks in no small part to knowing that his parents will always bail him out regardless of how much trouble he gets into. I'm sure it will be the death of him :(

Neither of my sils work. I, despite having two young dcs, work ft as I feel we need to be able to stand on our two feet. I really don't know how my sils can sleep at night knowing pil are funding them. We are having some work done on our house and pil told us that we could get the money from them- why wait for
Inheritance when we can have it now, but I have put my foot down and said no, we will fund it ourselves. I think pil gets it, and admires it even.

The thing is, pil is a Self made man, his dad was a miner, and he got where he has through hard work. That's what I want my dcs to inherit from their grand father. I would hate for them to turn out like their uncles and I am reluctant to even tell my dcs about this wealth- trusts have been set up to put them through uni etc and whilst I am enormously grateful I really worry about how to handle it.

There is also the drawback of feeling slightly beholden to them, and i do
Think your pil Withdrawing the money like that is v controlling, but this is your wake up Call- you need To Manage on your own.

Loulou, in your position I wouldn't tell your dc either. I've got family that've taken advantage and messed around even when expecting amounts that wouldn't really set then up for more than a few years. Teenagers can easily get the wrong msg, fwiw.

There has been a lot of excellent advice for the op but we have no idea if it's been taken on board. Most posts from the op seemed to consist of 'i get it we shouldn't have taken the money, we were wrong' and sad faces... Half of all this doesn't make sense, all the op has said is things like we just can't move...he earns that amount because he just does...it's a load of rubbish. I actually hope this thread is not for real because i see real difficulties ahead for this family.

British citizens in the Channel Islands are able to claim benefits

www.adviceguide.org.uk/wales/benefits_w/benefits_coming_from_abroad_and_claiming_benefits_hrt/british_and_irish_citizens_hrt.htm