PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

Oops triple post.

Are you 100 per cent sure you're not entitled to tax credits? It would make a big difference.

You need advice because your life as you've posted here is completely financially untenable. If your dh is made bankrupt will he lose his job?

bear I know loads of people who have sat exams in their workplace. The company pays an examiner/trainer to come to the workplace, rather than pay for 10 employees to go elsewhere for the day.

I have done it myself.

Ah sorry by institution I assumed you meant university

11k is a poor salary for what he is doing, I remember being on 12k in 1996! Not a professional role either and I was in the North West.

george 100% sure.

I could explain, but it is a really specific situation that the people I know on MN in RL know about. So I can't.

tallesttower we aren't naive, with the money from PIL, we have lived frugally but managed for years. So I do know how to manage our finances.

I earned more in my first job as a school leaver in 1999 than I do now.

Sorry, my message was garbled. I did not have 'no recourse to public funds' on my passport, it was on my husbands and any claim did not depend on him. I'm not sure why one of you can't drop a job (or two) and claim CTC or WTC, unless you are already in arrears or a very recent immigrant (doesn't sound like it), but as I say, I'm not an expert on this and I would phone the CTC/WTC office and lay out a couple of scenarios for them, one him giving up some work, you giving up some work and go from there. I wouldn't take advice except from the office itself as they know how these exemptions apply.

bear I know loads of people who have sat exams in their workplace. The company pays an examiner/trainer to come to the workplace, rather than pay for 10 employees to go elsewhere for the day.

Yes OP but they are not professional qualifications, they are in house (albeit outsourced) training.

We wouldn't be able to become bankrupt, as we don't have any debts.

Did your PIL give your SIL a house as a gift or did she spend all her savings on a house? You have stated both.

You are working a ridiculous and unmanageable number of jobs. This seems foolish in the extreme whilst pregnant or with a newborn. I don't understand when you sleep or how you have any time with your family. I can't understand why you couldn't cut down to one job and thus qualify for some kind of benefit - the welfare state is there to support people on a low income.

We have had plenty of financial help and childcare from my parents and PIL and if they reneged on a commitment without any notice or explanation I would feel hurt, panicky and disappointed. It's the manner in which the money has stopped which is the problem, I think, rather than the fact that it has.

Your story is just very unusual with many inexplicable elements, OP. I don't think it's entitled or grabby to accept financial help or to feel upset when it stops. But your description of FIL paints a picture of a selfish and abusive man who for some reason has done something incredibly generous for his children for a long time. It's weird. Your description of your working hours is ludicrous. You have a lot of barriers in place to prevent any kind of constructive action. So in conclusion, I don't think your feelings are unreasonable, but every other aspect of your life seems highly unreasonable and bizarre and I don't see how there is any kind of workable future in persisting with such a huge number of low paid jobs and trying to sustain a family with such enormous costs. Since you can no longer afford childcare, presumably some of these jobs will have to go anyway?

bear No, they aren't!

I personally sat my licensing course, to become a licence holder, in my workplace. These are issued by the council licensing board, they aren't in house qualifications, and we sat them in my workplace.

Same with my food hygiene qualification, issued by the council environmental health, and the first aid training course, issued by st johns ambulance.

Well, in the nicest way possible, I suggest that rather on focussing on people you don't agree with, you focus instead on people who are actually trying to help.

If people are to offer suggestions then you'll need to be more specific about why they wouldn't work.

So, what reason did your SIL give for you not being eligible for ctc/wtc?

Have you made an appointment with the CAB or a local law centre?

Has you DH started to investigate more lucrative job opportunities today? If he is in financial services, a lot of leg-work will be done by recruitment consultants, so he needs to be making contact with these people. In certain jobs with on the job professional training, a new employer will reimburse the old employer for the study costs. Has you DH spoken to a recruiter about this possibility?

Have you made contact with the landlord yet?

Ah, I can't go into details re the WTC and CTC but suffice to say, we are not entitled to any money from HMRC.

DH has looked at other jobs. Now, it looks like he will make a move (or try to) but this isn't going to be possible for a while, as he would a) have to pay back money for his exams and b) it needs to be after paternity leave.

I couldn't call the LL today as I was in the office and people might have come in. So I will tomorrow on a break. But, as I said, they are unlikely to say yes as it is an agency, not a person, they'll have rules and regs and won't just allow a tenant to break a contract.

I didn't say they were in house qualifications, I said it was outsourced, in house training.

I have never heard of a professional body, including chartered banking, who allow you to sit exams in your office.

I am happy to be corrected but my accountancy exams were sat in a centre operated by ACCA and the exams were taken at exactly the same time right across the world.

Any in house training will be transferable to a certain extent, with another company, but i can't see how it is a 'professional qualification.

Thanks for all the support, I will come back tomorrow but for now I have to go into work in my other job, I am grateful for all the helpful advice.

Oh yeah- if he doesn't have a Linkedin profile he needs one.

I have also heard of internal meeting rooms being used for CIOBS exams, although we used a room in a local college walking distance from our office.

"bear I know loads of people who have sat exams in their workplace. The company pays an examiner/trainer to come to the workplace, rather than pay for 10 employees to go elsewhere for the day.

I have done it myself.

You either have them or dont, your next post says not qualifications but you state you have workplace exams?

You havent said why you cant extend your SE work, it pays as much as your main job and usually allows for more flexibility.

The WTC/CTC is a a bit of a red herring, i suspect you have a no recourse no public funds hence no HB etc.

Namechanged that's why most letting agents won't give 18 month contracts, I am very surprised you have got one and think you should take legal advice on breaking it; they are unlikely to be able to sue you for the entire remainder of the contract and win I would think (though not sure as most are not this length and mine always have break clauses after 6 months and then roll).

Get your contract out and read it- is it really 18 months fixed with no breaks, no provision for wanting 'out'?

Jesus! there is actually a pregnant woman at the end of all this sniping, interrogating and twatfuckery ... whether she is an entitled bastard or not, how about some humanity?

Name change your council certifications are very, very different to professional body exams

I don't have any 'qualifications'.

I have an on trade licence (expired) and some food hygiene certificates, and a first aid one. You have to sit exams. I wasn't lying.

But I am hardly 'qualified'

People are so nitpicky!

My SE work is really at it's peak. I work in a bar, as many hours as I can but it is classed at SE because I invoice them rather than PAYE. It's not more flexible.

I think your DFIL is totally entitled to spend his cash however he wants, he has also been a bit of a prick to cancel a long standing arrangement without any notice!

My Ddad is pretty minted tbh, he has helped us out so much over the years, mainly for the extra things in life as he has wants us to enjoy ourselves and we can often only cover normal day to day living costs. I can totally see how after so many years the cash from your DFIL has become part of your considered income when making decisions. I do the same to an extent. I will make sure we can afford X and Y knowing that the less important Z will be covered by my dad if need be.

With that said you have been very confusing and a little erratic on this thread which has put posters backs up. You could try posting again under a new name with a specific issue, not mentioning your DFIL and seeing if the wonderful world of mumsnet could come up with some ideas to help you out of financial difficulty?

tallest we agreed to an 18 month lease rather than the 12, as a negotiation regarding furniture.

serenity yes I realise.

I thought you worked in a bar during the day but your other job was SE?

I think people made only being picky because they are trying to get a clear picture so they can offer accurate advice.

I work for a large accountancy practice. We put hundreds of graduates through their exams every year. Never in our offices.