PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

I'm sorry you've found yourselves in such a pickle. It does sound like you have been taking things for granted though. Given that FIL is a massively controlling person, I can see that you wouldn't want to include him in your plans, but I do think that if you are relying on someone giving you a fairly large sum every month until forever, the least you could do is discuss your plans with that person, as their opinion if not advice, and all in all show that you are working towards independence.

Perhaps he just got impatient waiting for his son to stand on his own feet. Not nice, but if he could see no end, it could be that he thought you were both just taking the piss - having another baby, moving house. These are things which people tend to plan and not until they can afford it. I can just hear a rather grouchy older man exclaiming "well, if they can afford to do that then they don't need my input at all."

Far from being angry with him, I think your dh should try to make peace, apologise for taking him for granted, and try to go on from there.

OP, I'm not trying to nit pick, I'm trying to ascertain what qualification your husband will actually obtain upon completion of his current studies as it is extremely relevant to how much your financial situation will improve.

You don't seem to know much about his studies, yet it is what you have always assumed will give you financial freedom from your PIL.

On the face of it, it doesn't sound to me like his prospects will greatly improve and, if that really is the case, he needs to look for better paid work now and that is a huge part of how you will get out if this mess.

If a big company like a bank, had sufficient candidates to justify an in house professional exam session, they wouldn't be paying a trainee £11k. Again so the conundrum continues.

My point about bankruptcy was that you can't afford your rent on your salaries, especially not with a baby on the way. It will be really hard to avoid getting in arrears, hence why everyone trying to get you to see if you can break your contract.

Apart from having significant savings, what are the reasons one cannot claim WTC/CTC?

Candy the main one is being an immigrant, some groups are excluded from this, for example if you were on a work visa. But most EU citizens can now claim and claims can be processed individually (i.e. if one of you can't, the other may be able to). That's why I said the OP needs to get specialist advice from that particular department and not just take it from someone that she can't claim them- she may still not, but it's worth checking as I assumed I couldn't but found I could when I queried it.

The best and worst thing about money is it is what it is. It doesn't deceive you. The old saying, you can't get blood out of a stone is relevant and is the reason we have bankruptcy laws, to protect people who simply can't pay.

What are your options? You can't earn anymore, he can't earn anymore, his qualifications don't make any sense so I'd advise you don't rely too heavily on them, you both earn more or less min wage, you have a rent that is usually suited to people earning double what you do and you have childcare costs more than many people's food bill. Just stop and Think.

• you can't pay the rent. You get in arrears. You get evicted

• you can't pay the rent. You tell the agency. You move out.

In theory, in both of these cases you are "liable" for some costs- unpaid rent, and in the second case maybe the period it takes them to relet your house. But you don't have it. So what are they going to do? Nothing. You can't get blood out of a stone.

Hang on a minute op. Don't tell me not to be awful. You said your husband wasn't going to see his dad or let the kids see him, in my book that's saying well look you stopped the money so I'm stopping you seeing us. That's using them as a weapon. You can't post something then because you don't like the response change your mind all of a sudden. You've had some good advice on here. Really good advice. But let's face facts. Unless you get the money back you are still going to be having a tantrum. And yes your husband does come across as self entitled. It's your parents in law money. They can say no when and if they choose. You should not have decided to have another baby or rent such an expensive home if you couldn't pay your way. It's called being an adult. And we all know what that feels like.

So what happens if you just can't pay the rent? (Which you can't).

What will the LL do?

Oh and I made the reference to your getting pregnant to perhaps understand your FIL's POV and reason for cutting off the money, I wasn't having a go at you for being pregnant!

I'm assuming that you don't have any funds available to pay any costs etc for either defaulting on your rent of getting out the contract. If the LL takes you to court and you cannot pay the judge could force you to file for bankruptcy. I think that's how it works anyway.

If that happens he will never be able to work in the accountancy or banking profession, regardless of qualifications. Though to be honest, looking at the financial situation you have got yourselves into I'm not sure that's such a bad thing.

So in the last 4 years alone, you've had £24,000 from them!

Never mind what you DH has had from the over a total of 8 years.

And now you have to stand on your own feet and he wants to disown them because they will no longer fund a comfortable lifestyle for you with their hard earned money . Wow. Entitled much??!!

And as for your comment regarding their "mean" birthday and Christmas presets. Well you were already getting £6k a year so that's £3k each as your "presents".

Yes indeed how will you manage on your own??!!

you've had £500 a month for years and you want more? stop it. you are being ridiculous. grow up now, and stand on your own two feet.
it was a bit irresponsible of fil not to give you more notice of the change, but even more so for you to use the money as part of your regular income.

oh, and if they are only 'set to become millionaires' they aren't rich. they just have a good income and are careful with money.
'well off' is millions, not one million.
'rich' is much, much more.
unless, of course, you have very limited expectations. which you don't.

If you stop paying rent the landlord will apply for an eviction through the court. Usually you would have to be around 3 months in arrears. Any payment plan would likely halt eviction proceedings. You will be liable for court costs and your rent arrears. You are expected to keep to a repayment plan to repay these. The level of non payers for this type of thing is incredibly high and most landlords won't find it economically viable to chase the debt.

If you ask to leave and stop paying rent the LL could charge you for rent until they find new tenants. This is a civil matter and they will have to Find a way to make you pay. Again, they could register a court debt against you, but this won't necessarily help as Then to recover the money the situation becomes as above.

I have worked for landlords for a long long time and this is the cost of doing business. There are legal recourses but they do protect tenants from having to pay more than they can afford. Most places would rather chase you themselves then accept £1 a week for the next 3 years as ordered by the court.

You don't even need to lose your deposit- this can only be used for rent arrears if you agree to it. Other than that, provided you have no damage to the property you'll get it back

What you will struggle with is a reference but there are ways around that.

LLs frequently put things in their contract which are not legally enforceable and a court would not agree to enforce it. The 18 month agreement is almost certainly one of these. It is not reasonable at all for a LL to keep 18 months rent (even if the tenant was dim enough to pay it) for a property they had lived in a month. Any court would side with the tenant.

Why is it "wrong" that your FIL gave your SIL a house?

I am surprised that you have received such a hard time, although i suspect it is largely by calling FIL tight in your OP when you get 500 a month and also some of the seeming inconsistencies in your story.

Anyway, ignoring that, if you had posted a couple of years ago to say that your DH had struggled to find a job and his parents had offered him some funding for a few years to help him requalify (and as part of their inheritance tax planning under the 7 year rule), then so long as you had discussed it very carefully with them at the time and clarified that you would be relying on the money which you would not want to do if there was any doubt that they woudl be abel to continue for the whole period, I woudl have said you would not be unreasonable to accept the offer and and proceed on the basis that this is part of your income. Once you have come to rely on it (and they know that), then I can understnad the upset at having it taken away. Yes, last month when you signed the new lease you cold have chosen to move to a cheaper area, which I assume woudl have involved a change in schools for your DS etc, but I can see why you would be reluctant to do if I genuinely thought the money was there not to have to do that.

If my parents offered me money, i think they would be miffed if I turned it down or lived my life on the assumption that they could not be trused and would take it away.

The issue is that he has stopped, without any notice. Gone back on a promise that has led to us making certain choices that we would otherwise not have made.

Nearly from the first most posters said they understood that you are upset at the way your fil has cut you off.

denny

I thought when people were going on and on asking for more details it was so they could offer more specific advice, apparently it was so they could try and trip the OP up. Nice oh goodness yes, its like a team of forensic harridans clawing over every small detail wow betide you if you make a mistake.

OP, MN should hire you for slow days

!! Sometimes I wonder if they dont do this sort of thing!

The OP is now at her second job of the day. Instead of nitpicking, could we not come up with a list of practical steps for her to take to resolve the 500 down situation?

For a start:
Can someone here check the assertion made earlier that a 18-month lease without a 6-month break clause is unlawful, so negated?

She doesn't want any help! I'm not sitting here finding case law for someone who isn't even responding to suggestions.

It's not 'a team of forensic harridans'.

What the OP has said does not add up.

Her husband has given up a weekend job and she has taken on a similar role despite it being a 3rd job for her and being pregnant, all to allow him to study for a qualification she can't even name.........

There is a lot more to this situation and I suspect the PIL have good reason for stopping their payments.

Would you continue to fund a grown up child who has chosen to move to a bigger flat and have another child, whilst studying for a qualification which doesn't sound to be all it is cracked up to be??

Alternatively, all the nonsense about calling your rent a mortgage smacks to me of 'keeping up with the Joneses' and if they have been giving it large in other conversations which involve PIL it does sound very much like they don't need the money.

I think Serenity is spot on, the 18 month contract is not enforceable to the end of the term. If the OP didn't pay, the LL could go to court but as she says the law is on the tenant's side in that they will be obliged to pay but could pay a minimal amount per month. Also the court may find the 18 months unreasonable anyway and order only the remainder of the 6 months. Most landlords, when faced with this scenario will allow the tenant to break say at 6 months and just get someone else in.

The Op needs to get onto Shelter or advice line for tenants and get some advice, not us.

What I don't believe is you say you are only upset because he has stopped the money without warning - understandable to be upset - yet you still slag him off as being tight, etc - which he clearly isn't.

You've got a personal licence, bfh, and first aid cert, and you are able to do boh paperwork ( you said earlier that's what you were hiding in the office doing), and you're only on minimum wage. How long have you worked there? I would be asking for a pay rise if I were you.