PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

bear I have no idea. The books he has are called lean six sigma or something, and IIAF or some sort of lettering combo.

I don't pay much attention

Probably is with some institution then, but he attends courses and sits exams in his normal office building.

cinna

WAAAAAAA!!!

That's not true bear, the accounting quals- ACA/ACCA/CIMA - not afflicted with an institution.

In that case name change, you live somewhere EVEN CHEAPER THAN LONDON so at out of your expensive rental!

serenity There are other expensive cities than London!

It doesn't sound like a professional qualification, why are you all suffering so much financially for such dross?

"If OP is telling the truth you are spending your time repeatedly posting nasty posts to an 8month pregnant woman in a very bad financial situation who has come here for help and advice"
^^ I agrees with this.

I get why you're upset OP. you're FIL has been very generous, but to stop giving you those payments, without warning is awful. (Unless he's suddenly lost a lot of money and can't afford it).

You've had some good advice(as well as some nasty posts) and I hope you are able to sort things out.

serenity the qualification isn't dross.

It is a professional qualification.

So what are your plans for coping without this extra £500 NameChanged?

The only place I know of possible more expensive than London are the Channel Islands. And that's a stretch. So we're saying even in the most expensive city you don't need to pay what you're paying. In your city there will be even more choice for rentals at less.

The ideal is an internal move: better money plus not having to repay tuition costs.

Get your DH to get the internal vacancies page bookmarked like I did
and speak to harass his line manager about opportunities to progress.

Sometimes it works

just thinking.
does receiving an amount like this every month have tax implications?

op maybe you need to downsize if you can't manage without this extra money.

OP you clearly have very good communication skills, and would clearly be good at working with people, obviously now is not the best time for job change, but I am sure, even without qualifications you could find a job that pays better, what about something in customer services? Also look at the nhs website you might find a receptionist/ clerical position, and from their work your way up. Maybe even check the adds on MN

serenity.

Yes. There are cheaper houses we could have rented. But not many. And, when we took on this 18 month lease ONE month ago, we thought we had this support. So we took this place, as we could afford it.

There are cheaper options, but we are currently tied into the lease. We can ask the agents if they will consider cancelling. But I think it is unlikely, and legally, we have no right to. But we will ask.

Aurora Literally no idea right now.

You can change your car insurance mid way through, you will just be charged an admin fee. I did this last year and saved £200, admin fee was about £25.

You can change your car insurance mid way through, you will just be charged an admin fee. I did this last year and saved £200, admin fee was about £25.

But as people have frequently said if you can't afford the rent how can you stay there?

Even with FIL money you earned less than £40k a year. That's just not enough for a £1350 PCM rental. It's not.

Do you actually want people to try to help you come up with some, or do you feel like you'd rather work it out on your own with your DH?

You can change your car insurance mid way through, you will just be charged an admin fee. I did this last year and saved £200, admin fee was about £25.

Lean 6 Sigma is a manufacturing business methodology - does that ring bells, OP?

It's unusual to need to do that depth of background reading for a professional qualification (when I did ICAEW there were a couple of business management modules, but certainly not a whole book's worth on any one methodology, IYSWIM).

Perhaps he's being a little too diligent? All he needs are passes, not prizes! Or perhaps it's for his on the job training; but again I'd expect his employer to provide all the background he needs.

I do wonder whether he's not being a little exploited by an unscrupulous employer here.

Fucking hell this has all been a bit of a car crash hasn't it?

I understand why you were so shocked OP, regardless of how/ why you were receiving the money, for it to suddenly stop without any warning would have done the same to anyone.

If anything, it's just highlighted how being so dependent on others is never a good thing. I hope you find some resolution to it all soon.

exhaust I have applied for so many customer service roles. So many. And nothing.

Particularly in the NHS, as it happens! They don't want me. I don't know what I can really do.

But once I am no longer pregnant, I will work on it. I need to try and get a better job. We were waiting for DH to be qualified so I could possibly also retrain (maybe PT college then uni or something) but maybe this isn't feasible.

What a horrible pasting you have taken, Name. I think it is a shitty thing FIL has done to your family, make you promises of help and then pull the rug from under your feet. Seems like a huge power play. No one held a gun to his head and made him aid you financially, and just stopping the payments with no warning is a shitty trick.

That's not true bear, the accounting quals- ACA/ACCA/CIMA - not afflicted with an institution.

It is true serenity ACCA/CIMA/ACA are all institutions/ bodies ie not part of another company.

I have never heard of professional exams being taken in your own office either, but it might be wrong on that.

aurora I would love help and suggestions. I have had some good ones thus far, but nothing instantly practicable regarding the loss of £500 a month. There maybe isn't anything though.

I still think you are being naive about having enough money, even before the PIL withdrew his contribution. If you live in a very expensive city, two days childcare a week is going to really cost you a few hundred a month if not more. I can't see how you could have paid that rent, that insurance and worked those hours and paid childcare, unless you get the child tax credit bit back but you say you are not eligible for that, not sure why, I was even though it had stamped on my passport 'no recourse to public funds', I never claimed it but I would if I was going to end up with no-where to live.

There's no point crying over spilt milk though, your next step has to get out of the tenancy- not sure why it is 18 months, I can never get more than 12 months max. If your SIL knows anything about tenancy law I would get her to check your agreement, you may have a break clause and even if you don't there may be something legal that can be done with 18 months as it used to be 6 then rolling contract and I'm surprised an 18 month fixed has been used. Good luck!