PIL Issue. Need some perspective.

[NameChangedForPILissue]

NC'd for obvious reasons.

PIL are very well off. Rich enough that MIL doesn't and has never worked. FIL earns a huge amount, and is unbelievably tight with it too (refuses to update 25 year old kitchen, 30 year old bathroom, won't buy MIL a new car even though hers is verging on dangerous, won't spend more than £10 per GC at christmas etc).

They are set to become millionaires with some inheritance that is probably due to come in the next year or two. For now they live on their £200k+ a year income with very little expenditure.

For the past 8 years, they have given us money every month to help with our living expenses. It began when DH was at university, before we met, and was the standard parents helping out a child at uni situation. DH always worked PT to top this up.

After leaving uni, DH wasn't able to get a job in his field and so has subsequently had to retrain, and is halfway through that process. This means he is earning low for now as he is studying whilst working so is essentially unskilled. In around 2 years, we hope he will be on a good salary. I am also on a relatively low wage.

We've been married since 2010, and since then they've given us £500 a month to help us out. Obviously, this is very generous and e appreciate this. SIL has had the same.

SIL no longer needs this, as her and her husband have now got high flying careers (lawyer and pilot) and no children, and do FIL has decided to stop all our payments.

We've just moved into a new home, and have a baby due in a few weeks. The timing could not be worse.

DH is so furious he wants to tell him we are cutting him out and never seeing him again. I don't know what to do - is he being selfish and awful? Or is it his money and we should be grateful for what we've had up until now?

Apple op has said several times they don't live in London.

People suggesting tax credits are I think asking if you would be better off working fewer hours and freeing up time for study - not assuming you will be, just asking if that's an option.

I know you didn't want to take out loans to cover studying, but maybe that's something you could look into? I'm not clear what the interest rate situation on student loans is, but it might be an option to cover you until your DH qualifies.

OP, what you wrote is still there, you know. You said there was nowhere cheaper. Then you said there was.

You can see how the FIL started off paying the money to support the education of his son. Then over time the son took on a wife and another mans child and the FIL one day looked around and realised he was supporting 2 extra people that he didnt agree to support at the start, who then still felt they could move to a bigger place and have another baby.

We can't get WTC and CTC - due to other reasons that I won't go into here.

I need to leave this.

Thank you to everyone for the helpful support, I think it was all I needed. We are obviously BU, so I will obviously tell DH that he can't be annoyed with FIL.

Thank you everyone.

£500pm is the equivalent of free childcare for a month if your child is in nursery...plenty of people rely on their PIL/parents for childcare. Is that also spoilt and entitled?

I have really been trying to dredge up some empathy and sympathy for you OP but frankly none of this makes any sense; your OP and all of your responses are so full of inconstencies.

Your day job is meant to end at 4pm and you have been MNing for most of the time you should have been working! What is your job as a matter of interest?

OP you have come in for a battering and I do think you're legit, but I can't help but concur with Sarahschuster's post in as much as I think you've not been completely straight, been selective and creative with the details (probably originally innocently to try and preserve your anonymity) but that's what's getting you in a defensive tizz and giving other posters ammunition. MNtters are sticklers for consistency, you know that .

another mans child

DS is HIS child. He adpoted him. He is HIS son.

Two more years and they would have been able to stand on their own two feet

agree something must have upset him

Op not everyone has said you are. but being a regular i think you have some on here as some sort of self punishment...

That is what I'd call backtracking! it seems like you live in an expensive part of a city and don't want to move from it. That is different to not having a choice because you already rent the cheapest flat to be found in the whole area!

You need to get expert advice asap.

youstayclassy

I was being sarcastic to the harridans, if you read all my posts you would see that!

Maybe. I think I feel guilty for feeling angry at FIL.

I know we were so lucky to have got the money in the first place. I know that. I am grateful, I really am.

But I also see how upset DH is that his father is stopping a huge part of our income, without warning.

So maybe I came here for home truths. Maybe I just wasn't sure what to think. I don't know.

I know what I have been told over 400 messages, and I get it. We are wrong, and we are unreasonable.

You're not entitled to TC because you are working thousands of jobs! It's admirable, but you don't need to and you're running yourself into the ground by doing so. Have you been on the entitled to website to see what you'd get if you quit one or two jobs?

I don't really understand why you've posted tbh op. You've got a massive kicking here, and any attempts from pps to try to help you out with constructive advice/questions have been stonewalled.

My opinion, fwiw:

1. Your DH should take on the weekend job once more, and give you time at home. OK, there will be some housework/childcare, but you should also get the chance to rest and recuperate which is important given your pregnancy.

2. You need to contact your landlord/lettings agency to explain your new circumstances. I imagine that the landlord would rather you ended the tenancy early rather than have tenants who weren't able to pay the rent.

3. Your DH needs to look for a better paid job. Perhaps one of the big consultancy firms - Ernst and Young, Deloitte, KPMG etc would take him on, and continue to pay for his course, or he would be able to use the knowledge and experience he has gained to date to enable him to find a related but different job which doesn't require the huge sacrifices his studying has placed on your whole family.

*IdRatherPlayHereWithAllTheMadM Mon 17-Feb-14 15:59:45
You really are coming across as petulant and stroppy now OP

I think op has done really well in the face of the bitter harridan backlash agaisnt her.*

Er- pot- kettle- black- I think you'll find your post has been deleted for being particularly harsh and offensive.

The OP hasn't come across well on this thread. She clearly doesn't see that the money the received was a 'nice to have' rather than something to be relied upon, and to even consider using their children/ lack of contact as a weapon in this situation is hardly going to endear her to anyone.

"Two more years and they would have been able to stand on their own two feet

agree something must have upset him"

Yes, guessing that blowing the money on unaffordable housing when there was much cheaper available might be part of it. Doing stuff like that can't have given the impression that FILs son would ever stand on his own two feet, but rather assume he could always live beyond what he himself could afford by tapping up daddy. Not surprised he got sick of it.

The one thing I do not understand is the fact namechanged your DH is in chartered banking taking a degree/qualifications and is only on £11K. It is a field I know about and that is completely impossible - it is more likely to be £26K. Is your DH keeping something from you? This just does not add up.

And the other thing is... you don't sound the slightest bit grateful to your FIL for what he has done in the past and nor does your DH. Why?

Really, sarcasm? , your post , which has been deleted actually, didn't read as sarcasm.

You used leech[ you spelt it as leach], entitled and cow. How was that supposed to read as sarcasm.

Ha ha, no he isn't keeping anything from me.

His payslips come to a shared email account, and we have a joint bank account that his wages are deposited directly into.

Thanks for the weird suspicion though!

How do we not sound grateful? I have said countless times that we really appreciate that money we have been getting.

That was to IdRather

attempts from pps to try to help you out with constructive advice/questions have been stonewalled. I noticed this too... OP seems to have focused on defending her position rather than exploring proposed solutions or giving plausible reasons why these might be unfeasible.

I'm still struggling to get past calling the rent mortgage. I know we've covered this but it's just so downright odd that it sets the spidey senses right off.

This is bollocks. Even if you are in London you can get a 2 bed cheaper than that- I could get you one tomorrow and I live in Central London.

I am also a senior accountant and have recruited trainees all over the country. £11k a year for a trainee accountant is unheard of in London and te SE and the cities I've recruited where £14-15k is possible would never ever need that level of rent.
He is a graduate. No finance dept would take him on at £11k. An unqualified finance assistant is looking at £18k easily. Doesn't add up at all.

Yes, that seems an unlikely "turn of phrase". Like saying you ate an apple but really it was just a "turn of phrase" for eating a burger, what with them being COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. Very odd thread.