to think that women like this give the rest of us a bad name in the workplace

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

I'm currently expecting my first child in the early summer. One of my team at work is expecting hers about a week before mine. And I'm really about to really lose my temper with her. She's resident in a different country where she gets two months of fully paid antenatal leave before starting her maternity leave so she's going off in about a month.

However, what's making me really cross is that she's obviously mentally checked out already. We work in a really high-pressure environment (city job) and she's one of the more senior members in my team of 17. She just sent me back her appraisal form (late) in preparation for her review later on this week, along with an email that says she doesn't see why she's been asked to do this review as she's leaving in a month. She's also started arriving late to meetings, delaying delivery of tasks, taking extra long lunch hours etc.

The review covers the whole of the previous year and although yes, she is starting her maternity leave soon, we're still paying her salary and will be obliged to do so for her antenatal lead and for a full year after her baby is born. So it really makes me cross that with all of this fully paid time off ahead of her, she's already trying to get out of doing her normal day-to-day job whilst she's still in the office. Why is it a one-way street with her doing all the taking?

This woman and her behaviour are why other women in our largely male industry office (myself included) are completely passed over for promotion once they're pregnant / have children because our male colleagues assume we'll all take this kind of approach. When I mentioned to our global head that this kind of attitude really makes me cross, he actually shrugged and said "That's just what happens. Women get pregnant and lose all interest in their job". She's ruining it for the rest of us. AIBU to want to mark her down in her review for this awful attitude? (Obviously I won't…but dear God I'm tempted!)

Oh, Yy, she hasn't handled it well if she has literally written she doesn't see why she should do it. This is part of the attitude that OP needs to tackle with her.

But the only person she is giving a bad name is herself, just as one malingerer shouldn't give all people on sick leave a bad name.

She's probably been behaving "well" for the majority ie six months of pregnancy as well as it's now month 7 - so to say "all pregnant women" do this is overkill as not even she has done it for her whole pregnancy.

. If any random employee had a good record for several years but had poor timekeeping for a month, yes, this should be dealt with and so should hers - but in a proportionate way to the misdemeanour and separate to her PG

"She isn't giving women a bad name. She is giving pregnant employees a bad name, though."

Only if you judge a whole group of people on the actions of one. Which is discriminatory.

japanesemargaret Precisely the problem. A petulant email stating that she didn't see the point as she's only got a month left rather than making a helpful suggestion was pretty juvenile. It doesn't give me much confidence that she's at all interested in handing over her job or easing the transition for those around her. Coincidentally, I did as you suggested when it came to mine. I filled it out and filed it on time and suggested that we review the past year now and that my goals are set upon my return (apart from a few small ones that I will complete in the next couple of months).

It boils down to the fact that she's not even just stopped trying. She's actively avoiding her role in general. And given that there are so few of us women in the company (and industry), it just doesn't help. I have talked to HR and they've agreed I can suggest that she start her mat leave early. I just want her gone. Her attitude is poisonous and she's just providing fodder for the misogynists in the office.

Well done Home, you're pushing out another woman trying to figure out how to cope with motherhood and a high level job in the City. Can't have anyone not living by the patriarchal rules for ten seconds, right? You're better than that, though, aren't you? You can have your kids and not disturb the Force for one second. Let me tell you, as someone who has been where you are, pregnancy is nothing compared to being a mother in the City. Pray that you don't face women like you in your future.

*HomeIs - as a manager, if I were you I would deal with this straight down the line.

Explain by email that the review is to cover the previous year and that is why it is important. Nothing else. It is unrelated to the pregnancy unless sit also contains some forward looking elements like setting performance targets for next year. Thos emay or may not be relevant but you should consider issues like 'keeping in touch days' how to deal with her clients, making sure her skills are up to date, planning for her return, etc.

You need to do this for legal and frankly basic good management practice reasons to manage resources and costs.

Then there is other stuff which a lot of people have raised above. I used to work in the City as did DW and frankly there it is the few 'uber' women who try to be like men in every respect who are a bad example.

They are the ones who have their baby induced at a private hospital, during a carefully planned annual leave, they answer client calls and emails in between contractions and return to work pretending nothing has happened just 10 days later. Never asking for or using maternity leave and keeping up a façade.

Yes I really do know 'high powered City women' who have actually done this. It is absolutely wrong and perpetuates sexism in the City and does other women no favours.

Be professional, hold this woman to account, note her lateness and ask if she is struggling. Show genuine concern and be flexible. Encourage her to keep in touch and return to your firm but also acknowledge her rights and do NOT go and talk to your male boss about her in this way ever again. What you did was perpetuating a sexist stereotype and yes I have known a few women in the City that do that as well. They are also not good for other women.

OP, your thread title oozes sexism.

It seems that your work environment does too.

People who generalize about a whole group or class of people, on the behavior of one or two individuals, are either prejudiced or thick. Or both. The problem is not this one woman. Surely your manager should be able to figure this out if he is a well paid high flyer in a high pressure job??

Good luck with managing things in this environment when you are in late pregnancy/have a young baby - it sounds like you are going to need it. That or be a superwoman who does all that the boys do and a whole lot more for less recognition and respect (and often pay and opportunity for promotion)....

Just remember that she can go off sick with pg related illness until 36 weeks. She is under no obligation to start her ML early, no matter what you suggest.

Her performance may leave a lot to be desired, but what is really disappointing is your inability to recognise the unfairness of a system which holds you to account for her behaviour. This is divide and rule in action, and you are playing the game exactly as they want you to.

Her attitude is poisonous and she's just providing fodder for the misogynists in the office

Oh the irony. Morebeta excellent post. OP you should take heed. I have worked in the construction sector in the past OP I am familiar with male dominated environments. Thankfully I was able to work as a woman in a man's world and never try to be one of them. I recommend doing the same. By all means pull up your colleague I agree with that but you are totally naive to think that you are not contributing to making it difficult for women in the opposite way that she is.

Can't have anyone not living by the patriarchal rules for ten seconds, right?

There is a difference between 'living by the patriarchal rules' and basically refusing to have a performance review that you are required to have; not to mention being late for work appointments, missing delivery deadlines and generally not even trying to do her job to the best of her ability.

If you've worked in the City you'll know that appointments are often made without regard for necessity or availability, delivery deadlines are often false and the "best of your ability" = "the best ability of a single person / married man with no health or family commitments".

I think what you've done is awful OP.

You do know karma's a bitch, right? Good luck balancing baby and work those first couple years. You're going to find that sometimes life does intrude and you can't be the perfect worker. I hope then you'll apologise to the rest of us for making us all look bad, what with contributing to the stereotype that mothers just can't hack working in the city.

Excellent post from morebeta

FloraFox, I'm going by what the OP says about the employee being late and missing deadlines; I can only assume that she knows what she's talking about.

And, assuming as I must that the employee was previously able to perform satisfactorily on these points and is not now doing so, I have to conclude that she's no longer working to the best of her ability. Her personal ability, not that of a hypothetical person with no health or family commitments.

OP

Be very careful about suggesting that she start her maternity leave early, particularly as she is in a different jurisdiction to you.

If another employee had developed poor timekeeping and inappropriate responses to management emails over the last month after a number of years in the job performing fine, what action would you take? Do that and nothing else.

Thank you for your post, More Beta.

The best of one's ability isn't immutable, FW!

Well, if she has pregnancy-/other health-related issues that explain the change in her performance then that's fine, as I've said before; but she needs to tell her employer about them.

Take gender out of it. Some people are just more professional than others.

It's exactly the same in a notice period. Some people work late even on their last day because they are totally committed to a fantastic handover and leaving things in a good state. Others start to slope off early and don't meet even the most basic commitments from about a month before they leave.

It's just different people, not at all to do with being female or pregnant. The only person she is showing up is herself.

And just to say I think she should be managed as a person, not as a pregnant woman - so if she falls short in attitude or delivery then as a manager you have every right to pull her up on this and put things in place to correct it.

Unless there are specific health challenges (possibly pregnancy related) in which case she should have the same sort of leeway and support as anyone else facing health problems.

To me it is just as sexist to suggest she should have special dispensation to be unprofessional because she is pregnant.

I'm sure you know you need to be careful of your tone, these posts are pretty aggressive and personal, I assume it's venting in a safe space. If you give her a review, stick to the facts and don't be overly harsh. Remember above all while you must be honest, you shouldn't be nasty, as you seem to feel personally betrayed. Who knows what's round the corner for anyone, so remember to be kind.

jelly you should realise the sheer blind accident of nature that has allowed your colleague to work at normal levels while you feel terribly sick, makes you a bad person, and her a noble, worthwhile credit to womanhood.

Tune in next week for why bipolar disorder sufferers are giving women a bad name because "my mum died last year and I didn't have time to get depressed".

there was a piece on womens hour today about female city workers managing pregnancy/maternity leave. I

division

The thing is, it's quite easy to feel like that as people lacking empathy and understanding can easily look at one pregnant woman who is sailing through and then harshly judge a woman who is finding things more difficult. Pregnancy can have a huge and disruptive effect on someone both physically and mentally. For other people, it doesn't have the same impact. A stressful and demanding job combined with a challenging pregnancy is going to mean a certain level of 'checking out'. I think women who insist that pregnancy should have no effect on any aspect of your life and that every woman should be carrying on exactly as normal throughout are just as guilty of 'letting down the whole gender' as the women who conform to the prejudiced expectations of misogynists and drop the ball.

I agree, jelly.

I absolutely despise the whole attitude of 'you're pregnant, not sick'. Yes, ideally this will be the case. But for many women, it's not.

To be clear, a pregnant woman who's sick should follow the proper procedures at work and not just check out and assume it's okay. But something tells me that even if this woman had done so, the OP would still be annoyed about her letting down the side.

bohemian, that's a big assertion to make about the OP, and not very fair; plus, I'm really not sure where you get that idea from. All of her posts are concerned with this woman's professional performance and attitude, which by her account are poor at the moment.

Sorry but I don't think it's much of a leap. Her posts are NOT just about this woman's poor performance but focused on how they are reflecting on women everywhere. Given that there is also a stereotype that pregnant women will just go off sick at the drop of a hat, it's hard to see how her logic would not generate the same annoyance if the woman had done this properly and signed herself off.

Basically if you have any problems at all in pregnancy you're kind of screwed. If you go off sick you're slacking, if you try to work through it but can't manage 100% you're slacking, and all the while there are people like the OP saying 'you're pregnant, not sick' and 'stop making me look bad'.

Again, I think this woman is not handling things properly, but the OP's attitude in response to it is really not on, in my opinion.

Well, we'll have to agree to disagree. As far as I can tell, the OP's frustration and annoyance are in response to this particular situation, not another, hypothetical one in which the employee is performing well.