to think that women like this give the rest of us a bad name in the workplace

[HomeIsWhereTheGinIs]

I'm currently expecting my first child in the early summer. One of my team at work is expecting hers about a week before mine. And I'm really about to really lose my temper with her. She's resident in a different country where she gets two months of fully paid antenatal leave before starting her maternity leave so she's going off in about a month.

However, what's making me really cross is that she's obviously mentally checked out already. We work in a really high-pressure environment (city job) and she's one of the more senior members in my team of 17. She just sent me back her appraisal form (late) in preparation for her review later on this week, along with an email that says she doesn't see why she's been asked to do this review as she's leaving in a month. She's also started arriving late to meetings, delaying delivery of tasks, taking extra long lunch hours etc.

The review covers the whole of the previous year and although yes, she is starting her maternity leave soon, we're still paying her salary and will be obliged to do so for her antenatal lead and for a full year after her baby is born. So it really makes me cross that with all of this fully paid time off ahead of her, she's already trying to get out of doing her normal day-to-day job whilst she's still in the office. Why is it a one-way street with her doing all the taking?

This woman and her behaviour are why other women in our largely male industry office (myself included) are completely passed over for promotion once they're pregnant / have children because our male colleagues assume we'll all take this kind of approach. When I mentioned to our global head that this kind of attitude really makes me cross, he actually shrugged and said "That's just what happens. Women get pregnant and lose all interest in their job". She's ruining it for the rest of us. AIBU to want to mark her down in her review for this awful attitude? (Obviously I won't…but dear God I'm tempted!)

Are you a man OP? Because you sound like you're joining in with centuries of male sexist attitudes

But you're also pregnant. Could you be reflecting your own anxieties about being pregnant onto this colleague, as deep down you dislike how this pregnancy will affect your career?

You sound like a bully tbh. Tread carefully & show some compassion

Pls don't go back to work when your baby is 10 days old but I have a sad feeling that you will, in order to try and prove a point in competition to this other lady & those hundreds of males who will probably not notice and say what the bloody hell is she doing back at work so soon

Chill out & think of your baby. Work will survive without you

How should you deal with this? Umm ... look for a new job? The place you currently work sounds unbelievably sexist.

I used to work in a place which employed 200 men, me and another woman. She used to take three days off every month for 'period pain' and because the boss was completely mortified when she rang in sick, nothing was ever done about it. She definitely gave women a bad name.

She only gave all women a bad name if you judge an entire gender by the behaviour of one.

Which is wrong.

She gave you boss a bad name, laGuardia, for being a hopeless manager.

YABU - she's not doing anything wrong. She's pregnant, for goodness' sake. I don't know what the "giving women a bad name" thing is all about, either, a person who thinks less of a pregnant woman for this sort of thing has to look in the mirror for the source of the problem.

Also, I'm afraid that how you feel about your pregnancy could not be less relevant to anything, you have no idea what the factors are for someone else or indeed how they feel.

She is doing things wrong, zero. She's late for meetings and delivering tasks late, as well as taking long lunches. If she has pregnancy- or other health-related issues that explain or contribute to these, then she should alert her employers.

The OP does indeed have no idea what this employee's pregnancy factors are but she isn't a mind reader.

I think the two issues are being conflated- it's quite possible that this woman is a complete piss-taker who is terrible at her job; but to extrapolate from that that she is giving her gender a bad name because all women will be judged by her is another issue entirely.

So this woman could and perhaps should be pulled up on her attitude to her work, but remember to do this within the correct legal framework. Laws which prevent pregnancy related sick leave triggering disciplinary action etc. are there to combat the prevailing attitude that women are all the same and are poor employees simply due to being pregnant.

Sound familiar, OP?

Fucking You're quite right. If she has a genuine concern then she should be professional and bring it to me or HR. However, as it is, she's openly told me she doesn't think she should have to have a review because she's going off in a month. My whole point here is that she's openly trying to argue that she shouldn't have to do the review because of her pregnancy. In the same way that she's brazenly turning up late for meetings etc.

Overall I just find it frustrating. She's pregnant, not sick. Just like me. And I don't think that it's professional to mentally check out a month before you go on mat leave. It looks bad. And it sets a bad example for the team. And regardless of all of the odd PPs assuming I'll go back to work after ten days (?!) and using terms like "backstabbing", I honestly think that to say that a woman openly being this lazy when she's pregnant harms general perceptions of working women, especially when there aren't many of us in the industry. Of course she's not the reason that sexism exists. But in a company with few senior women, she's really making it difficult for the rest of us.

For what it's worth, I demand a lot of my male employees too. And I think it's totally naive to assume that the actions of one person have no implications for the way others are seen. Ultra-PC talk is fine in theory but when you're living the issues, the best way is to lead by example. And if you take a salary for the month before you go on mat leave, you should do the work you're being paid for. Nobody is saying she needs to be superwoman but she does need to do the bare minimum and drop the attitude.

tether Does your point sound familiar? No, not really. I don't think that all pregnant women are all poor employees. I am pregnant and still working as hard as ever. But this woman has openly told me she thinks that the fact that she's going on mat leave a month from now means that she shouldn't have to have an annual review. She in particular is a poor employee and is using her pregnancy as an excuse, which I think is really not on.

There's no "honour" in being able to work well whilst pregnant you know. I have had two children. My first pregnancy was terrible...I "checked out" mentally when I was about 7 months pregnant and had to go off at just over 7 months.

I was sick as a dog, I had massive water retention and mental fog...that doesn't mean "I give women a bad name" I just had a hard pregnancy.

My second was much easier and the day after I gave birth I was working (self employed) whilst rocking the crib with my foot. Is that good enough for you OP?

tether (I hit post too fast). In addition to this, pregnancy-related sick leave is irrelevant to this case. She's not ill, she is just of the opinion that as she's leaving soon, she shouldn't try. I'm not discriminating against her because I want her to do her job!

Completely agree with your last few posts, OP. Is there anything in her contract/company handbook about attending reviews, when someone might be exempt from them and when they are most definitely not?

Leave her pregnancy out of it, and treat her like you would any other employee slacking.

Would you be as annoyed if she was slacking because she was due to go on holiday in a month? Yes, you would, as she is going in a month, and have not gone yet.

Yabu. She might not be coming back after maternity and now she is on easy street.

I'm pregnant and have been very ill throughout the pregnancy. My performance at work has suffered and I have had a lot of sickness absence plus several extra antenatal appointments. I have a colleague ten days behind me who has had no sickness absence, fewer appointments and whose performance has not suffered at all. I hope no one thinks I am giving women a bad name but at least she is there to redress the negative stereotype I am conforming to, right..?

You've had a lot of stick on this thread OP.

I'd be really annoyed at this too, especially since at the moment she's getting away with not doing the job she's being paid for.

And it does give women a bad name. People who work with this woman will hold her up as an example when discussing this subject anecdotally.

But jelly she's not said she's having health problems, I'm sure if she had the OP and the team would be sympathetic to that.

Owlina From one fan of owls to another, thank you! sigh. So many people seem so anxious to make excuses. I never expect everyone to think IANBU when I post here (variety of opinion being the spice of forums), but I am quite surprised that so many people honestly don't have a problem with the idea of this woman nonchalantly not doing the job she's paid for.

Home if you are her manager, deal with her performance issues instead of bitching behind her back to your male boss. If you are not her manager, MYOB and don't contribute to your workplace culture of sexism by bitching about your colleague behind her back to your male boss. He's probably off telling someone that it's always the women who complain about other women and point out how they can't cope in the workplace. This is a very common attitude in the City.

'We work in a really high-pressure environment ...'
a high pressure environment really isn't great in late pregnancy.Are you taking her H&S seriously and doing anything to take the pressure off her a bit, or is she having to do that herself?
I would be very very careful what you say to her in her review.Don't give her grounds to bring a sex discrimination case.
Also I really must pull you up on the maternity pay 'one way street' comment.The maternity package forms part of her contract!!

"tether Does your point sound familiar? No, not really. I don't think that all pregnant women are all poor employees"

I know you don't, Home- but your male colleague certainly does, and it would seem that most of the company does, given what you describe.

My point wasn't that you are intending to discriminate against her, but that the laws had to be brought in, as discrimination was endemic. It was not, and still is not, a level playing field. Judging a whole gender on the performance of one woman is a symptom of this inequality, and is a separate issue to this one woman's performance at work.

I agree with quint, ignore the pregnancy and give her the annual review that she deserves.