to be puzzled when mums suggest they know what it's like to be a SAHM because they were once on mat leave?

[BarkWorseThanBite]

Two really nice mums - I like them both and we usually sit together at toddler group. However, more than a few times both have seemed to imply they know what's it like to be a SAHM because they took mat leave a couplel of years ago (till their babies were 9 months old).

Isn't that a bit like saying you know what's it like to be a single mum (I'm not) because your husband was away playing golf for a week?

Nothing against working mums at all - but the implication that they know what my life is like is a bit irritating.

AIBU?

I gave birth to my first child last month and will be on maternity leave for at least 6 months...going back to work because I love my career/job & we are planning to buy a home so will need to get a mortgage together.

For us it's a bit of a no-brainer...however the fact I choose to return to work doesn't mean I opt out of "raising my kids", I really don't get that mentality. We are raising our child whilst both earning a living to contribute to our lives as a family.

Getting back to the point- I see myself as a SAHM currently, I declared myself to be one to some friends albeit temporarily.

More generally, I had no idea of the amount of debate, disagreement & plain rivalry that goes on between SAHM and WOHM.

My eyes have been opened to it today!!
And quite frankly it seems to be an exhausting debate, with no winners.
Each to their own I say

And if I win, what prize do I get?

"My dh loves doing what he does and is in a position where he chooses which work to take. He works most of the day and night as well quite often. It is very enjoyable for him though and has nobody to answer to.
I am happy not working and supporting the family, and have been from day one"

Nice he can choose, however he is safe in the knowledge that tax payers are heavily supporting that choice via tax credits.

Happy not working now maybe but it will be interesting when tax credits go and universal credits come in given you already have a plan to then declare yourself as his employee to keep the benefits Then you will either be simply either not actually working or may have to change your attitude towards WOHMs not being there or doing anything.

The smile of smugness Kew, as if you didn't know!

Orangefizz- exactly! I've made that point many times before.

In fact the usual pattern seems to be: SAHM starts inflammatory post, suggesting that she's making some huge sacrifice, but that doncha know being a SAHM is better for the children. This presumably means that actually the OP os insecure in her choice, or bored or just plain mischievous. Then WOHM enter the thread and defend their position. Then OP buggers off. Then other SAHM who are genuinely happy with their set up come on here to tell us how happy they are....

Crazy times!

My DH can work from home too and we don't claim tax credits Happy.

I have, I maybe should have said some of your comments.

I have been at home with my children for 15 years, the amount of dodging I have had to do to not have to get a job is unreal

I must surely be in line for a a prize ????

Laziest SAHM ever possibly??

(I do work 4 hours a week at a dinner lady at the mo but I am ignoring that because I want the prize)

kewcumber
I just declared that there are no winners!

Oh it's that poster Happymummy. Well spotted!

Your forgetting the noble, sensible ones Janey who just seek to educate and inform those lesser beings...

Oh know I've been so absorbed in reading all of this that I've just seen the time and not yet got dinner on the go! Out sourcing? What a silly word to use you don't really out source your children to either nursery or school you'd only do that if you gave them up for adoption....which seems like a good idea at this point in time coz they are hungry and fighting!!!
Better go and get on with some food, any ideas for something quick an easy, I struggle to come up with meals night after night? X

Lol! I love it how sahms are inflammatory and wohms come on to defend themselves. Yes, because no wohms have been deliberately goady on this thread. Not even the one who compared sahms to parasites! Pmsl! You could not make this stuff up!
awaits Janey telling me I'm misquoting or misinterpreting or misunderstanding...
Yep. Whatevs.

Not even a certificate?

kewcumber you would think it would at least be a certificate

I think the way forward and a great lifestyle is both partners doing part SAHP/ part WOHP .
Its worked for me even if I know Bonsoir disapproves

Anyway I have to declare that actually I don't give a shit really because Im so happy for my DS that I could burst.

I have been out all day - I got home an hour ago and DS who has been at his mates the past few days greeted me at the door with "Mum I got into medical school"

OMFG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quinteszilla Sat 15-Feb-14 12:20:53
Quintsezilla this isn't the same - someone who has only been on mat leave has NEVER been a SAHM. I worked for years prior to having children, so I have experienced being a worker
So, does it then follow that if somebody works for just 9 months or 12 months after finishing Uni, and then go on maternity leave, they have no experience of working?
What is it that defines the experience? The length? The intent to either work or not at some point in future?
How will you regard your own Sahm-hood if in two years time you return to work? Will another sahm diss your experience saying "oh, you were only a sahm for 3 years, this is not enough time to know what it is really all about"?

Interesting point. I think if someone secured employment at the same point as they found out they were pregnant, and then worked for 9 months, knowing that at the end of that period they would give up work and become a long-term SAHM, I don't really think they would understand what it is like to work in the same way as someone who spent years working before they left to have children. I think if you're focused on the period of work ending quite soon (in a few months) then you have a different experience to someone focused on building a career.

For me, a SAHM is someone who has burnt their boats with regard to returning to work (eg, taken redundancy or resigned) and at least intends to be at home with children for some considerable time.

I could kill him because he found out on earlier in the week but because he was away he waited to tell me in person !!!!!!!!

Sahms don't really know do they? None of us do. Anything could happen to any of us at any time.

This thread was started by a sahm though...

Well done teamwills son!!!!!!

more - bonsoir wasn't referring to anything though was she? There's no specifics there. Lots of cms, nannies and nursery workers are mums too by the way.

Goodness!! Personally I don't think they are comparable. Choosing to become economically inactive and dependant whether that be on a high earning dh or the state is completely different to taking an agreed period of leave from your employer whether that be paid or unpaid.

I would never have done the later and having 2 incomes allows our dc a much richer cultural experience than being impoverished (even relatively) by cutting our family income in half. On Monday the dcs are being taken to the museums of South Kensington by their gps while their selfish mother earns money for their pony camp, football lessons and ballet classes. I may take them out to dinner on Tuesday night with my ill gotten gains.

Thanks Rufus sorry for thread derail