to be puzzled when mums suggest they know what it's like to be a SAHM because they were once on mat leave?

[BarkWorseThanBite]

Two really nice mums - I like them both and we usually sit together at toddler group. However, more than a few times both have seemed to imply they know what's it like to be a SAHM because they took mat leave a couplel of years ago (till their babies were 9 months old).

Isn't that a bit like saying you know what's it like to be a single mum (I'm not) because your husband was away playing golf for a week?

Nothing against working mums at all - but the implication that they know what my life is like is a bit irritating.

AIBU?

it's not half as annoying as wohms who say they do everything a sahm does plus a full days work.
Oh no you fucking don't.

In what way do they not?

I have always said that I would rather be a SAHP because I am a bit lazy.

I suspect it is easier to find a new employer than husband !

Excellent posts annie

I think 9 months at home is long enough to get a taste of what an SAHM Mum's life is like. It's not as if they were at home for a week and then decided. YABU. People should do what they want to and what suits their circumstances. What annoys me is the ones that think they should get a medal for doing it. Whichever ones they are.

And WOHM rely on their employers to provide. No difference really.

There is a huge difference. I would be surprised at anyone who couldn't see that. With this example you are basically insinuating that your husband is your employer/boss? I can't imagine that many SAHM's class their partners to be in authority over them.

Pianodoodle - it was a joke - hence the wink!

I have consistently said that it does not matter as long as you are happy with your choice.

I think people need to lighten up at bit.

Janey I don't wAnt to work because I want to focus on looking after my family. Sacrifices? Sort of, I could have pursued my career. But not an actual sacrifice if done out of love? I'd make the same decisions again in a heartbeat.

And it is probably easier to make someone redundant or sack them than divorce someone.

That's great then capsium. As long as you recognise that those of us who work also prioritise their family. They combine working with running a household and parenting and neither is a better, or lesser , choice

No I don't feel my husband is like my employer. Our marriage is based on love not commercial gain.

I work to escape my family, honestly they drive me mad

Janey

My dh loves doing what he does and is in a position where he chooses which work to take. He works most of the day and night as well quite often. It is very enjoyable for him though and has nobody to answer to.
I am happy not working and supporting the family, and have been from day one. However, the last couple of years has also included H.ed as well.
I like it as no 2 days are the same, we can do what we like and fortunately we like each others company
Of course I know we are unconventional and I would never suggest it is the right way to do things, or better than other peoples decisions.

That's great then capsium. As long as you recognise that those of us who work also prioritise their family. They combine working with running a household and parenting and neither is a better, or lesser , choice

That's great too then morethanpotatoprints.

Never said it was Janey, just explaining why I see being a SAHP is viable and justifiable option for me.

I think that some (but no means all) SAHMs are motivated by the desire to give their DC a much richer, deeper and more varied cultural life and experience of the world than they feel would be achievable in childcare (or, indeed, at school). Obviously, when SAHM undertake to do this, it is time and energy consuming. DC may not perform better in public examinations (which measure a fairly narrow range of skills in a prescribed manner) than DC who have had less cultural input but those DC are nevertheless very different to DC who have spent a great deal of time in institutional settings.

This is fascinating, Bonsoir. Please could you elaborate on what this "cultural input" entails?

Exactly janey - if institutional settings describes both an orphanage and the idyllic rural prep school up the road it means exactly nothing.

I love working and struggled on mat leave. I work hard with my staff though in order to have them capable enough to cover me partly on the two days I have at home. I still spend a lot of time on the phone when I'm at home but I accept that as a compromise. I work with dh and my dad though so a very supportive board in terms of finding my compromises!

When we did a year abroad dh spent a lot more time at home with the girls and I think he really missed it when we returned to the uk. For lots of people sahp is a great thing so it seems strange when sahm want to slag off childcare solutions and wohm in order to validate their own choices.

In bonsoirs post quoted above you could exchange sahm for nanny, cm or nursery quite easily and it would still make sense.

Capsium

Your comments are actually quite offensive to parents who do work.

You imply that working parents aren't focusing on their family when that's exactly what they are doing. They are focusing on supporting their family both emotionally and financially.

Not everyone has the option to be a SAHP. Although I personally wouldn't have been one even if the option was available.

I didn't take offence, just because she is doing one thing to focus on her family it doesn't mean I can't make different choices and make my family a priority.

I do slag off childcare when it has been inadequate for my DC.

However children's needs are different. One size does not fit all. Some seem to get on very well in childcare.

Defending your own position is not the same as slagging off WOHMs. And I only defend my position to get the information out there really, since other's opinions (outside our nuclear family) on being a SAHM has not stopped me.

Sahms normally start these threads though. Just saying.

Orange

I think the level of education and provision that bonsoir was referring to a cm, nanny or nursery wouldn't get close tbh. If this is what she was referring to.

Have you read all my comments MrsMagnificant?

I took maternity leave and went back to work four days a week. Then I became ill and had to give up work for a while roughly when DS was 4.5 - 7yrs and so was a SAHM for nearly three years then I started up my own business and predominantly work from home in school hours with 2 after school days covered by my mum. I'm also a totally lone parent with no partner providing any split responsibility or income.

Do I win?