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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be puzzled when mums suggest they know what it's like to be a SAHM because they were once on mat leave?

999 replies

BarkWorseThanBite · 14/02/2014 18:45

Two really nice mums - I like them both and we usually sit together at toddler group. However, more than a few times both have seemed to imply they know what's it like to be a SAHM because they took mat leave a couplel of years ago (till their babies were 9 months old).

Isn't that a bit like saying you know what's it like to be a single mum (I'm not) because your husband was away playing golf for a week?

Nothing against working mums at all - but the implication that they know what my life is like is a bit irritating.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 15/02/2014 17:31

I have a lot of activities of my own - just got my fourth board membership.

janey68 · 15/02/2014 17:32

LCHammer Grin

Philoslothy · 15/02/2014 17:36

If you do lots of activities is that so different from a mother working?

pianodoodle · 15/02/2014 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Philoslothy · 15/02/2014 17:37

But you do have to be better at managing your time if you are combining raising children with a career/job.

One of the reasons why I want to stop work, my life is planned down to the last second every day of my life.

morethanpotatoprints · 15/02/2014 17:40

HappyMummy

My dds activities and classes run throughout the day, I take her because I don't work.
I pay the bills, shop, have the choice to H.ed, .
I can do housework at my leisure,
I can share this with my husband as he chose to be able to work from home a lot.
We can do what we want when we want to, total flexibility.

I suppose that's what sahp does that wohp doesn't, lives life how they want and aren't answerable to anybody else.

capsium · 15/02/2014 17:43

Oh yes we SAHM just waft about really, Mummy.

We are our DH and children's muses. Just being graced with our presence makes a difference, even to a building with no other people in it. It is part of our mystique, that I sense (note I don't even have to think) Bonsoir was referring to being able to pass on.

Having us in their lives means they will be successful. It is as we have planned.

Things do appear to be done by magic. The garden grows, the food gets cooked, from scratch of course, the house runs like clockwork. We just have to click our fingers....

Mwah, hah, hah!

OrangeFizz99 · 15/02/2014 17:43

So school is outsourcing?! Huh?

I think school is a privilege. Each to their own.

janey68 · 15/02/2014 17:44

Are you suggesting that working parents aren't doing what they want? How weird. Especially as you've mentioned having a working husband...

soverylucky · 15/02/2014 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMummyOfOne · 15/02/2014 17:46

Apart from the home ed (although some working parents still do this) all of those things are still done by WOHPs Hmm

As for "live life how they want and not amswerable to anybody else" some people have more pride than having to rely on the state or another adult to provide for their every need whilst they live how they want.

morethanpotatoprints · 15/02/2014 17:46

Orange

Yes, school is outsourcing. There is no law that says children have to attend school. There is a law that states it is the parents responsibility though.

Bonsoir

Congratulations, although have no idea what this entails. if you can't say here, please pm me.

Philoslothy · 15/02/2014 17:46

You do have more control over your life if you are financially comfortable and a SAHP.

I think the experiences of SAHP varies according to financial constraints and support network. As a SAHM my life did consist of a lot of wafting.

janey68 · 15/02/2014 17:48

What's the problem with outsourcing and institutions anyway? Don't be scared of them people! They are just descriptions which cover a whole range of experiences. There's no value judgement. Just as SAHM is a description of a mum who doesn't work. She could be a fantastic mum or a shite one.

OrangeFizz99 · 15/02/2014 17:50

So now you're only a mother if you are a sahm who home educates?

Mn and rl are light years away for me now as this to me is bonkers.

capsium · 15/02/2014 17:50

And WOHM rely on their employers to provide. No difference really.

morethanpotatoprints · 15/02/2014 17:52

janey68

Not at all, but most wohps say their time is managed down to the last minute. Certain things have to be done at certain times.
You have to get up at certain times and go to bed at certain times.
I think it is very restrictive, you can't come and go as you please.

HappyMummy

I have pride in my achievements and those of my family you don't have to have a job to be satisfied in life.

Philoslothy · 15/02/2014 17:56

I agree morethan, I think I only cope with the regimented nature of being a WOHP because I have long holidays in which I get to forget about work, schedules and long days.

I could not do this for 48 weeks a year, well I probably could but I would be miserable.

morethanpotatoprints · 15/02/2014 17:57

Orange

Nobody has suggested that at all. I continued the H.ed chat as somebody else referred to it, believe it or not many H.edders also work.

Sillylass79 · 15/02/2014 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morethanpotatoprints · 15/02/2014 17:58

I mean many H.edders work.

awe · 15/02/2014 17:58

OP, to start with my reaction was YABU as they had stayed at home to look after their child, albeit for a few months. On reflection, actually they were on mat leave, so had not taken the decision to forgoe work and benefits that work brings to stay at home and enjoy the benefits that brings. If we started saying those on mat leave were SAHMs that would mean the whole statutory payment system was a bit odd.

In fact the social and economic reality for working parents on mat leave and sahms is different ( not to mention the effects on self esteem and relationships within and outside the home). Neither is better or worse, but they are not the same so YANBU

HappyMummyOfOne · 15/02/2014 17:59

"And WOHM rely on their employers to provide. No difference really."

PMSL at the thought of working for a salary being the same as a SAHM being provided for by a partner Hmm Mmm no, one is employed working for remuneration and one is unemployed having a partner pick up her costs.

janey68 · 15/02/2014 18:02

Morethan- I just asked because you seemed to suggest that being a SAHP is so much nicer and less restricting than working, which seems odd as your husband works. But maybe you have partnered someone who is very happy being sole earner while you are very happy to not work. Which is fine!
But many people partner someone who doesn't want an 'all or nothing' role, and prefer to both do some of each. Which is fine too.

It's funny how this thread has moved from 'I'm sacrificing everything to be a SAHM but its all for the kids" to "actually I prefer being a SAHM because I don't want to work"!!
Funny old place, mumsnet!

capsium · 15/02/2014 18:03

You're assuming no renumeration Happy! Grin

The source is different that is all...