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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have daughter passed around to strangers

157 replies

Marasmummy1 · 13/02/2014 19:50

My OH likes to carry baby (3mths old) in his arms while we're out and about and hands her over to complete strangers to coo over which really gets my back up. I've explained my reasons for not liking it (they are strangers, paranoid they'll try to kiss her that sort of thing) but he thinks I'm over-reacting. Am I being a paranoid FTM??

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 14/02/2014 16:34

I just had to come back to comment on pumpkinsweeties post about it being too cold to take babies out.

You do know that in Scandinavian countries they put babies out in their prams to sleep even when it's below freezing?

As long as they are properly dressed and protected from the elements it's absolutely fine!

Mine were popped in the pram out at the back door by the kitchen (where I could keep an eye on them and check them regularly) in all weathers except fog.

Far too many babies are kept indoors at the slightest hunt of rain/frost and it really isn't going to harm them if they are well wrapped up!

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 14/02/2014 16:37

All of mine slept outside. They slept so well at night IMO.

sadbodyblue · 14/02/2014 17:04

my personal choice would not be to hand my baby to strangers for cuddles fair enough. but it's her dhs choice to do so.

on the first aid front the more we keep ourselves to ourselves as a society and keep our ch

sadbodyblue · 14/02/2014 17:07

keep our children wrapped up in cotton wool the more selfish and self centered we become.

just sad.

ThatBloodyWoman · 14/02/2014 17:11

Is that you, under a nc, body ?

I have to say that if my dh was doing that and he knew I was really uncomfortable with it, he would stop -at least in my presence. As would I. It wouldn't turn into a big issue unless it was something important.

pinkr · 14/02/2014 17:14

l let many people hold my pfb! She's a smiley wee thing that acts like catnip to grannies. I often give her over to people at baby groups as well...I don't want her to be clingy and uncomfortable. Plus sometimes a person has to go to the toiletWink

sadbodyblue · 14/02/2014 17:24

cat nip to grannies love that expression.

yes That bloodywoman it is indeed my nc, I over shared on another thread so felt it best to, as involved my dd.

look of course we all have our comfort zones but my point is as long as her dh isn't handing the baby over to strangers and running off what in earth is the problem.

babies are exposed to germs from day 1 and that's life. with second and other babies you have to do the school run and go to events with older children. your own older children get colds and bugs.

I also think it's very important to respect your partners ways if parenting and not try to control everything yourself.

sadbodyblue · 14/02/2014 17:27

YourMa dreadful experience. stupid drunken idiots.

TamerB · 14/02/2014 17:54

That is quite different YourMa-no one would choose to do that-even the most laid back! I am sure that her DH wouldn't hand her around in those circumstances!

It is the huge disadvantage of being the first born-I think that my siblings were much better off because my mother had relaxed her attitude by the time they were born.

sadbodyblue · 14/02/2014 17:56

Tamer agree totally. by dc4 I was handing her to anyone who would help me. Grin to get a break.

raffle · 14/02/2014 17:59

Anti bac hand gel Grin

TamerB · 14/02/2014 18:05

On the whole I prefer being eldest, but being the first baby is definitely a disadvantage. By the time she had number 3 she was glad to hand him over to anyone who would take him!!

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 14/02/2014 18:07

Tamer I know it's different but it's what made me more nervous of handing my kids over to people after that. Shame that drunken pricks had that effect on me.

sadbodyblue · 14/02/2014 18:39

YourMan not suprised.very scary incident for you.

MoominsYonisAreScary · 14/02/2014 18:55

As long as the baby is happy I wouldn't have a problem.

In the days before wheelchair accessible buses we would hand the baby to whoever was willing to take them so we could fold the pushchair

formerbabe · 14/02/2014 19:03

A lovely lady was cooing over my baby in a cafe once and asked to hold her...I gladly passed her over and enjoyed my food! She was a very posh, slightly older lady and didn't look like she had anything contagious!

TamerB · 14/02/2014 19:03

I think that anyone could excuse you after that experience YourMa. I doubt whether the DH in question has handed the baby to drunks!

It is easily understandable if you are a first time mum-I was like it and cringe now! It was so much easier on my other children and the attitude definitely wears off on them for the better. OP is lucky to have a DH who points out that she has an over reaction-hopefully he will stand by it and continue.

I used to take mine to an old people's home and the elderly loved it. I can't remember that any actually held, they were quite happy to just chat-touch a foot. I don't recall any cold sores which seem to afflict the population! I have managed to get to over 60yrs and have never had one!!

5madthings · 14/02/2014 19:04

I handed my ds4 to a shop assistant so I could try on clothes, he was a few weeks old and I had had him in a sling but needed to try on a top.

The assistant was happy to hold him and cooed over him, then as I came out from behind a curtain another woman had a go at me saying how irresponsible and dangerous it was and the shop assistant could have run away with him... Hmm

cjel · 14/02/2014 20:10

I think babies need socialising as well and its lovely that they meet new people. I understand that there were some people I din't like having them, but I really think YABU.

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/02/2014 07:23

This has got to be the weirdest thread I have ever read on here,

We are not talking about family no matter how distantly related or friends but totally random strangers in the street ones who haven't even expressed an interest in holding the baby.

I've had quite a few babies over the years handed to me usually by parents without other adults with them in restaurants whilst they put on their coat or something like that and I think once in the street whilst a dad tied his shoe lace and a couple of times when getting on a old fashioned type bus,but I don't think I have ever had a total strangers baby ever handed to me in the street for no reason at all,I've never done it with any of my own babies I've never known any of my friends do it and I have never knowingly seen anybody else do it.

I'm not young I'm out and about most days.j

pumpkinsweetie · 15/02/2014 07:50

I completely agree sock

TamerB · 15/02/2014 08:22

I really don't think that her DH was approaching random strangers and handing them the baby! People are funny on here!

TamerB · 15/02/2014 08:23

Her DH seems a genuinely friendly person who gets into conversation. It will be lovely if his DD takes after him.

IneedAsockamnesty · 15/02/2014 09:25

That's exactly what the op said he was doing.

Fwiw I'm not in any way doubting the op as I can see how a new proud parent may possibly think that's a great idea,it's just the few vocal posters who think its perfectly normal behaviour and a shame that others don't do it.

DowntonTrout · 15/02/2014 09:59

Each to their own.

When DD was 3 weeks old a lovely TV actress came over and asked to have a cuddle with DD in a restaurant. She then took DD off to her table and DH and I happily ate our meal whilst DD was passed about and cooed over for half an hour. I only mention that she was a celeb because that meant that almost everyone in the restaurant wanted to go up and have a look at the baby. DD survived. DH and I were more than happy.

Another time, my DSs, friends grandma, who I had never met, came over to ask for a cuddle with my newborn GS. DSs friends family had moved to Australia and she hadn't seen them for years. She was so overjoyed to cuddle the baby and had tears in her eyes. We took a picture and sent it to DSs friend on FB. Sometimes a little joy shared goes a long way.