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Original poster

DH - new baby and ou bedroom

273 replies

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/02/2014 00:16

We have a 14 month old DS and a 4 week old DD

DD and I have been sleeping in our bedroom with DH since she was born

However, DH has said tonight that he would like DD and me to sleep in the spare room during the week as he is shattered join the fucking club

He has offered to,domFriday and Saturday nights with DD with expressed bottles so I can sleep then

However, DD is fed exclusively expressed milk (latch problem) so I'll still need to get up to express anyway in the night

DD currently gets up about twice a night. Has a bottle. I settle her and then express for about 10 minutes. Sometimes I put he on the feeding pillow and feed her and express at the same time. She is very good and I do not leave her to cry. DH seems to do a pretty rucking good impersonation of being asleep during all this Hmm

I feel totally pissed off that we are being evicted from our bedroom. DH is 6 foot 6 so saying he can't sleep in the spare room as the bed has a footboard and he can't fit in - which is kind of true.

He has moved DD up to the spare room already - which has really pissed me off. It's like a Mexican stand off as I do not want to leave our bedroom and I feel like putting the monitor next to DH's head and getting him to do the night feeds - not that he would wake up. Plus DD is then in another room from us

I'm just so pissed off. Hearing how DH is soooooo tired. Yes. So am I. We also have a 14 month old DS and I feel that I am constantly "on duty" while at least DH gets to go to work. OK - he does do a lot when he gets in but I do not think it is reasonable for him to basically order me out of our bedroom whilst chuntering on about how tired he is. When we're both fucking tired. And everything to do with the DCs feels like it's ultimately my responsability. And it's like ducking ground hog day. I'd quite like to bugger off for a week and leave him to deal with everything

OP posts:
BrandNewIggi · 13/02/2014 18:52

Laqueen, the baby is 4 weeks, it's the toddler who is 14 months.

ShatzePage · 13/02/2014 18:55

Oh I love happymummy-she is hilarious and never fails to make me laugh. At her.

Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/02/2014 18:56

I say "only a dentist" as it is widely accepted by dentists, including my husband, that it is relatively difficult to kill a patient rather than, say, you're a neurosurgeon. That is a matter of fact. Not a pejorative opinion

Re driving. Yes he does drive to work. But I also have to drive the DC and myself about whilst half crazed with tirednes. However, I suppose it's better that we crash and die than him Hmm

I actually am quite seriously considering returning to work as soon as possible and have spoken to various recruitment consultants today to get the ball rolling. We will need a nanny and I obviously won't be working fixed hours whilst DH does so he'll need to pick up the slack. Unfortunate for him but maybe then he'll have a bit if an inkling into what I actually do all day.

Nights will need to be shared. However, I used to spend a couple of days in London a week and any new role will need that too. So that's too bad really for DH again. Because he'll need to cover that time too. But that's the luck of the draw. I gave up work so that we wouldn't have to deal with these issues and DH would be free to focus on his career. But I'm not sacrificing mine to be treated with a total lack of respect and treated like a second class citizen in my own house - which incidentally, I provided the deposit for. So, I feel I've more than contributed - both financially and in terms of childcare.

OP posts:
VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 18:59

As for staying home is harder than working, im sure surgeons, doctors etc would all agree with you

come back when your a BedraggledMotherOfTwoOrThree

Also Op is a lawyer I think she understands how jobs work

Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/02/2014 19:02

The person at hime can map their day accordingly?!?!

Is that with the use if a heavy duty Hirse tranquilliser to get their children to (a) actually sleep and (b) at the same time?!?!

As I said, we'll need a nanny and you sound like a right Mary Poppins mummyofone. Are you interested? I wouldn't intend to actually offer to pay you on the basis that you think that looking after DC doesnt actually amount to work

OP posts:
isisisis · 13/02/2014 19:02

I'm a dentist (a nice one Grin). And currently on maternity leave with DD 6 months. Being at work is a piece of piss in comparison.
What's his nurse like? I'd get her on side, the nurses I work with would make his life HELL if they knew how awful he was being.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 19:03

OP if you want to be a SAHM be one..but if you are doing it to further you dh's career? Fuck that. Go back to work next month

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 19:05

gobbolin she only has one... Wink

She'll learn one day

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 13/02/2014 19:09

14 months is really the worst age gap ever. 14 months is still a bbay..still needs the care..but equally is just large and mobile enough to mean you can't leave the "real" baby anywhere near them as they could be a danger to them and don't understand it. They eat/nap sleep at different times etc.

I a just under 13 month gap and I wanted to just cry..most of the time. I used to envy mothers of twins because their babies slept at the same time.

Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/02/2014 19:10

isis - prove your credentials. How many patients have you killed! Grin

OP posts:
eastmidlandsnightnanny · 13/02/2014 19:12

Bobfleming assume u mean night nanny :)

I often get a call from parents with second babies around 4-7was seems a tough time n much harder than with number 1 as u can't rest in the day.

I often do 1-2 nights for a family n parents share the nights i don't do.

Personally i wouldn't leave my bedroom if my husband wanted more sleep when we had a newborn his issue he finds the solution he sometimes went in spare room n he is 6' 4" n slept diagonally in bed.

My husband never once moaned but hey sometimes we went to bed at 7pm in those early days or at least watched tv in bed with big tin biccies or choc n just chilled.

Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/02/2014 19:12

His nurse is very nice. I see she's put some veiled reference to work on facebook tonight. So I'm assuming he may have been a bit if a knob er at work today! No doubt due to extreme sleep deprivation

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 13/02/2014 19:13

OP, go back to work if you want to, but honestly you make it sound like you're doing it just to get back at your DH. Really, you'll be away a couple nights a week and DH will just have to suck it up with no sleep and then go drill in people's mouths full-time? You've gone from not wanting to put a toddler in part-time nursery, to being happy to leave a newborn with a nanny for long hours?

You don't have to be a SAHM -- it's not for me either.

But go back to work because you miss it and think it will improve your life, not just to get back at your husband.

People have presented you with a ton of options you can try before doing anything drastic.

Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/02/2014 19:15

Oh yes. - and I am the poor unfortunate whose husband told me that patients assure him that extreme toothache is worse than labour. Although, to be fair, he was a very good birthing partner

isis - your thoughts? Although you may never have had toothache. Just given birth n

OP posts:
LaQueenOfHearts · 13/02/2014 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsLT · 13/02/2014 19:18

OP - your last post makes it sound like you are happy things may not have gone well at work for your DH today?
Why should he give a flying F'k about you and your well being if you are going to be like that?

LaQueenOfHearts · 13/02/2014 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsLT · 13/02/2014 19:19

Your second to last post I mean.

isisisis · 13/02/2014 19:21

I assume his nurse knows the topical around the rim of his mug trick? Algi-poo on the bonnet of his car?
I've never killed anyone ( have intercepted a VT that was trying quite hard though).
Is he NHS? Some people (who can't plan they're time) get stressed re UDA targets at this time of year. If that's part of the problem have they taken his paternity leave into account? I think they're meant to.
Otherwise, I believe the NHS extended paternity leave package is very generous Grin

Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/02/2014 19:22

Sorry gobo I misread, I thought your baby was 14 months, not 4 weeks - doh.

Oh Christ, no - laqueen

Sorry. It's all a bit confusing. I have two babies. One 4 weeks and one nearly 14 months.

I expressed for the older baby but stopped when he was 22 weeks. I'm expressing for the little 4 week old baby at the moment. Not even I am mental enough to express for a 14 month old. Although I really admire people who would have the devotion too!!

bohemian - I see what you're saying. The big part of me wants to stay at home with them. But another part of me thinks, hold on a minute. I'm nt being treated like the hired help in my own fucking house!

OP posts:
TheGreatHunt · 13/02/2014 19:24

I remember the dark days of newborn dc2!

Your dh is a twat we've established that. He needs reminding that its not that hard for him.

Tbh I wouldn't bother expressing at this stage - it is a pain and a FAFF. Lop baby on boob half alsleep, job done. I found cosleeping kept me sane with my second (we stopped at 9 months).

Also explain to your dh that sleep deprivation is a form of torture and to fuck off with the spare room. I hated going in the spare room as was an extra kick in the teeth being evicted whilst getting hardly any sleep.

Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/02/2014 19:27

isis - he's mixed and I think he's a very efficient worker as he always takes the extra UDAs to pick up any of the other's slack as he's completed his.

He does have quite a big private caseload too but he doesn't do any on call or similar. So no super late nights. I'm not saying he doesn't work hard. He does. But at least he gets to go to the loo on his own during the day. Is it too much that that is acknowledged! Surely it's a basic human right to be able to go to the toilet unaccompanied!

OP posts:
JoinYourPlayfellows · 13/02/2014 19:27

I think you sound awesome, Gobbolina :o

I've been laughing my arse off at how funny and sparky you are all through your thread.

I also think you're right to go back to work if you are married to the kind of man who treats you like hired help when you don't work.

There are a lot of them and it's very unwise to make yourself financially dependent on them.

Original poster
Gobbolinothewitchscat · 13/02/2014 19:29

mslt - I think things went perfectly fine fir my DH at work today.

His nurse - not so much.

OP posts:
isisisis · 13/02/2014 19:31

LaQueen - never realised a toffelmier was a deadly weapon. Ingenious.
I have had ladies say they'd rather give birth than have a tooth out. I've done both, I'd have my 8's out anyday.
Seriously, I was very ill throughout my pregnancy & continued to work pretty much as normal. I reduced the number of surgicals I did but that was about it, it wasn't that difficult. My patients were never in danger/disadvantaged as I was very honest with myself & them with regard to my limitations. But then I did max fax jobs for years & learnt sleep is a luxury even when patients lives really are at stake. Assume 'D'H didn't get his hands dirty post uni?