DH - new baby and ou bedroom

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

We have a 14 month old DS and a 4 week old DD

DD and I have been sleeping in our bedroom with DH since she was born

However, DH has said tonight that he would like DD and me to sleep in the spare room during the week as he is shattered join the fucking club

He has offered to,domFriday and Saturday nights with DD with expressed bottles so I can sleep then

However, DD is fed exclusively expressed milk (latch problem) so I'll still need to get up to express anyway in the night

DD currently gets up about twice a night. Has a bottle. I settle her and then express for about 10 minutes. Sometimes I put he on the feeding pillow and feed her and express at the same time. She is very good and I do not leave her to cry. DH seems to do a pretty rucking good impersonation of being asleep during all this

I feel totally pissed off that we are being evicted from our bedroom. DH is 6 foot 6 so saying he can't sleep in the spare room as the bed has a footboard and he can't fit in - which is kind of true.

He has moved DD up to the spare room already - which has really pissed me off. It's like a Mexican stand off as I do not want to leave our bedroom and I feel like putting the monitor next to DH's head and getting him to do the night feeds - not that he would wake up. Plus DD is then in another room from us

I'm just so pissed off. Hearing how DH is soooooo tired. Yes. So am I. We also have a 14 month old DS and I feel that I am constantly "on duty" while at least DH gets to go to work. OK - he does do a lot when he gets in but I do not think it is reasonable for him to basically order me out of our bedroom whilst chuntering on about how tired he is. When we're both fucking tired. And everything to do with the DCs feels like it's ultimately my responsability. And it's like ducking ground hog day. I'd quite like to bugger off for a week and leave him to deal with everything

gobbo if his staff aren't happy, things at work are not good for your DH.

I'm always baffled by how "competitive tiredness" is accepted as normal when one partner is awake half the night and the other is having their sleep mildly disturbed by hearing them get up and then turning over to continue their lovely sleep.

I didn't mind doing all the night feeds.

I didn't even mind DH claiming that he had been awake during the night when I had fed the baby multiple times whilst he snored away beside me.

But if he had EVER tried to claim that he was just as tired as I, when I wasn't ever getting to sleep for more than a couple of hours before having to get out of bed, I would have had to do him a violence of some kind.

Surely the actual NORMAL response to being tired with a newborn and seeing your partner getting up multiple times every night while you don't have to is GRATITUDE and not fucking oneupmanship.

Especially if he's being a bit if a knob er at work today! No doubt due to extreme sleep deprivation < your words.

Sorry, cross post. This really wasn't the time to take the extra UDAs. Dick. Unless he's using the extra cash to take you on holiday, then it's just about ok.

Oh Christ mrslt - she's friends with DH too on Facebook. And only said that she's planning to neck a bottle of wine with the aid of a curly straw tonight after the day they've both had. Not that she's about to lodge an employment tribunal claim for constructive dismissal.

So I think we can all remove our sad faces.

I can totally see why you're pissed off and why you're tempted to go back to work.

I just think though that if you think it through -- yes, it will give him a taste of his own medicine, so to speak, but it would probably make your own life even harder.

Do you really want to go work that 12 hour day in London on 2 hours sleep? Do you want to deal with all the juggling and logistics of 2 full-on careers with 2 young children?

It's absolutely fine if you do, but reading your post, that's not what it sounds like. It sounds more like you want to teach your DH a lesson, force him to shape up.

You're basically treating going back to work as a means, not an end.

I think it's probably a good idea to go back but think it through a bit more, make sure it's what YOU really want, and try to set it up so that you will not be killing yourself doing it. Could you husband cut his hours? Could you convince him that you took a career break, now it's his turn?

I think OP should go back to work. Just to spite him and herself

I think I drive my nurse to a bottle of wine quite frequently & I'm lovely
Must remember to buy her a curly straw when I go back.

isis - I'm starting to wonder if I might know you. If not you're doing a very good impression of one of my very good friends whom I incidentally met via DH

it's the dick comment re the UDAs

Op, I utterly sympathise with you. I have two boys 13 months apart and at times I thought I'd lose my sanity through lack of sleep. I had problems breast feeding after a few months, which whilst it emotionally crippled me at the time was a godsend as my husband could then do more in the night. I'm not suggesting you go onto formula at all, just sharing my experience. Could you not get some help (family or hired) in one or two days a week so you can catch up on your sleep during dd's daytime naps? It may dent your bank balance but it might save your marriage and sanity!

Laqueen - I learnt from my nurse. She's the best. (See, some dentists are nice to they're nurses)
Algipoo on the bonnet works best when accompanied by an instant message about someone looking suspicious loitering by they're car.

Op - I don't think I know you (age of kids doesn't ring a bell) but I feel I'd quite like to

Send him to the spare room, stay with DD in your room

I tidy my tray before giving it back, re sheath my own sharps & empty the bin on my side. I've also been known to run the decon room when we've been short staffed. (Fancy a job, Laheart?)
My first ever nurse was a dragon. She trained me well.

Id say the watch needs to be sterilised between each patient. Washer/dryer & then autoclave to be sure.
Sorry for derailing your post op x

dreaming - you're last post is spot on.

Right - being sleep deprived has made me a bit loopy. If just spoken very quickly to a pal who is a GP who said she doesn't think I've got PND. I'm just very tired. But one can lead to the other. So keep an eye on it.

She does think that DH's suggestion of doing the Friday and Sat night feeds is very good boo! She's meant to be on my side! JOKE and said I was an arse is that a medical term?! if I didn't take him up on that

She also pointed out, to be fair, that we did do this with DS and it worked well cos I always had my make up on and she was only able to wash her hair once a fortnight!

DH has come home and done the usual getting DS off to bed and sterilising and is now looking after DD which to be fair he normally does til about 10 - 11. So I am going to bed to sleep. I was going to be martyr and say no, I would look after DD. But I took heed of bohemian's post plus she had done an enormous shit which was leaking on to her babygro so I would really have only been spiting myself.

However, we will be discussing the insensitive manner in which we have summarily been evicted from the bedroom.

Yes arse is a medical term. She's had to do a lot of training to say that. Having also had a lot of training, I can say get the fuck off Mumsnet & go to bed whilst you've got the chance. X

What is it with dentists and cars and watches? DH refused to wear a wedding ring so got a wedding watch.

When we go to dentist weddings, where incidentally they all seem to inter-marry each other, they're all hanging about the car park admiring each other's cars.

Actually, these weddings are not good for my self-confidence. As the general public go, I have good teeth. Within a gathering of dentists, I'm like someone's snuggle toothed inbred cousin from Alabama.

I'm not normal, am I? Not married to a dentist. Shit car that I'll drive until it dies. No idea where my watch is.
But I do have bloody good teeth.
Now, BED Mrs!