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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if and why you Christened your baby?

211 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 12/02/2014 17:14

Currently 34 weeks pregnant with mine and DH's first baby

I was not Christened myself, have never been bought up with religion in my life or particularly believing in it and I would never think to have the baby Christened.

My DH was Christened but is not religious. He teaches at a Catholic School (circumstantial, not because he 'believes') and although he attends certain services with the school he otherwise has nothing to do with the Church.

He announced yesterday that he wants to get the baby Christened - I asked him why and he came out with some line like, "It's just what's done isn't it?"

I said that neither of us were religious so what's the point? He then dared to say, "I think my mom would be upset if we didn't...." Shock

I told him it's not his mother's baby and it's nothing to do with her!!
(there have been previous issues with him wanting to please MIL)

Has anyone else had their baby Christened, despite not being religious, purel as you felt there is a sense in society that all babies should be Christened 'just because' ??

OP posts:
WhosLookingAfterCourtney · 14/02/2014 07:20

No my dcs aren't christened.

I went to one once, the vicar (?) talked about what would happen to a baby if you chucked it off the pier before it was christened.

What a load of old bollocks.

QueenofLouisiana · 14/02/2014 07:28

We did, I have a strong faith and it was important to me. DH is nominally CofE and happy for DS to be baptised. I am totally happy with our decision and I know it meant a lot to my family.
I am a Guide-Mother to many children who all had a naming ceremony. They were lovely days, just as special as my DS's baptism. I was thrilled to be invited and happy to read (non-religious) readings.

Sparklymommy · 14/02/2014 07:29

All my dcs were christened. I am not what one would call religious, but I do believe and I class myself as a Christian. My children were all christened before they were six months old and we married in a church (which my own mother thought was 'unnecessary'!!!

All of my children go to a church school and dd1 has expressed an interest in being confirmed. She is 11.

bakingtins · 14/02/2014 07:42

We are Christians and our children were not christened. We did have a service of dedication/thanksgiving for them as part of the normal family service. Our reason is that we don't believe any promises someone else makes on your behalf can make you a Christian, it's something you need to decide for yourself. We hope when they are older they will want to be baptised, but it's up to them. We don't need to make any promises to 'bring them up in the faith' because they've been going since they were days old.

In our church the children who get christened are almost exclusively strangers, yet they expect us to promise before God to support them in bringing up their children in the faith which we'd gladly do if we ever saw them again
I think it has much to do with having a good local church primary....but I have more respect for people who are honest and say they don't believe so they are not christening their children.

Amber76 · 14/02/2014 09:38

I've christened both of mine - I was born into a Catholic family but don't practice at all.

Largely done to keep the peace. We've no belief so what's the harm? We paid the priest well so I don't feel sorry for him. Everyone had a lovely day.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 14/02/2014 11:22

Thanks everyone for your continued replies.

To whoever asked me a few pages back, sorry I can't go back and check, but yes I do celebrate Christmas but in much the sane way as everyone else does, I.e from a Cultural angle and not a religious one. I don't really celebrate Easter at all, I don't even buy any eggs for my niece and nephew. I do enjoy munching on Cadbury's Creme Eggs though Grin

I've had a look at some of the 'renouncing satan' and the rest vows that have to be said during the a Ceremony and I think I'd be embarrassed to be part of it and I'd also be embarrassed on my families behalf for making them join in if they had to repeat mantras. To be honest, I doubt my mother would even come if we did have a Christening as she is very anti-religion.

OP posts:
BigFatGoalie · 14/02/2014 11:35

anothernumberone

Well the religion I do not subscribe to but DH does has the long held belief that you don't get into heaven if you were are not Christened. Hopefully that clears up the confusion.

There is no confusion for me. If your DH follows the religion that holds the Bible as completely truthful, then he will also know that no where in it does it say being christened automatically gets you into heaven. It is basic Christian theology. From you message I get the feeling you're offended by my post and if so I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone.

fluffyraggies · 14/02/2014 13:58

As a non-believer this fascinates me

So what does the bible say? Is it 1) that you cant get into heaven if you haven't been christened (no matter how well you've lived your life),

or 2) simply that being christened isn't a ticket into heaven?

The second i can understand. If it's the former then i'm even less enamoured with the idea of this 'loving' god.

Seff · 14/02/2014 14:11

^^WSS

HoratiaDrelincourt · 14/02/2014 14:12

The Bible doesn't really explicitly talk about baptism at all except when Jesus is baptised by John and a few similar stories. No infant baptism in the Bible. Also no purgatory.

The only requirement given for getting into heaven (also not described as such, but as "eternal life") is belief in Christ. What matters is doing the right thing, not being part of the right club.

Baptism is an outward sign of an internal decision to resist sin and follow Christ. You're allowed to fail, so long as you're trying.

HoratiaDrelincourt · 14/02/2014 14:19

That said, each church is more than just the Bible. Aside from the layers of editing, translation, reediting and retranslation, there's interpretation, convention and doctrine.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say marriage is between one man and one woman - doesn't stop my vicar from being a horrendous bigot extolling the virtues of traditional marriage wherever he can shoehorn the subject in. The Catholic Church abandoned the idea of purgatory some time ago, but individual Catholics who grew up with the idea can't quite let it go and feel their children's souls are at risk until baptism, as though God can't recognise His own creation until it's been sprinkled in a special formula.

cinnamonbun · 14/02/2014 14:38

DH and I are not religious but we are christening DS to get him into a good local (CofE) school...

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 14/02/2014 14:58

To be honest cinnamonbun I suspect that schooling is probably my DH's real reasoning for discussing Christenings.....

OP posts:
BigFatGoalie · 14/02/2014 19:34

*The Bible doesn't really explicitly talk about baptism at all except when Jesus is baptised by John and a few similar stories. No infant baptism in the Bible. Also no purgatory.

The only requirement given for getting into heaven (also not described as such, but as "eternal life") is belief in Christ. What matters is doing the right thing, not being part of the right club.

Baptism is an outward sign of an internal decision to resist sin and follow Christ. You're allowed to fail, so long as you're trying.*

^^ this!

Christening is publicly declaring that you will raise your child in the Christian faith, to follow Jesus and His teachings. It's about dedicating your child to God. In some churches they are called "baby dedications" instead of christenings.

Only1scoop · 14/02/2014 19:40

Writer....what would your view be as a non Believer just christening your dc to get in a good school?
I would imagine yourself and Dh may be quite divided on that?

Only1scoop · 14/02/2014 19:43

Writer....interesting thread by the way Smile

FraidyCat · 14/02/2014 19:47

5 out of 6 schools on our list are church schools (and the non-church one is sixth) and I think most of them ask to see baptism certificate.

What I can't understand is that all have at least half and often more than 80% Bangladeshi intake, who knew there were so many Bangladeshi Christians?

(Or maybe they got in under other criteria.)

brooncoo · 14/02/2014 20:03

The catholic faith school near us has perhaps 70% roughly Goan Indian intake. Christians come in all shades and sizes.

VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 14/02/2014 20:14

no, because we don't believe.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 14/02/2014 20:50

only1scoop - I would probably be really frustrated if my DH if schooling was the real reason behind he wanted the baby Christened. I think I'd feel annoyed that he would make me go through with a ritual I totally don't believe in when it isn't something that matters to him for 'real' reasons. If he had genuine reasons for wanting the baby Christened, I.e he did have some beliefs and it was important to him to the baby to be 'protected' (for want of a better word) I would step back and let it go ahead, but if it was just for a superficial reason I think I'd struggle to agree to it. Surely the whole thing is completely meaningless if you don't actually believe in anything that is being said and have no intention of keeping the promises?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 15/02/2014 06:37

Writer agree, can see where you are coming from. I was baptised as a baby. My parents have faith as do I.

I have friends who have practically Become 'overnight' Catholics/Christians etc. Attending church just to get ahead in the school admissions procedures....when admitting they don't believe at all.
Each to their own....doesn't sit quite right with me though.

notimetotidy · 15/02/2014 08:41

My DH wanted to do it, I'm an atheist so it means absolutely nothing to me. No harm was done, OH was happy, Grandparents were happy. DS, 14, is now a staunch atheist as well!

BabyMummy29 · 15/02/2014 08:44

My XMIL had all 2 sons christened just so they could get into the local C of E school.

To me that was the wrong reason for doing it. No church schools around here so it's not really an issue in this area.

Leviticus · 15/02/2014 08:50

I'm a Christian but my DC aren't christened. I don't believe in infant baptism - the bible teaches it as a decision for adults to make.

I'm sure my DM is secretly disappointed.

angelinajelly · 15/02/2014 12:14

The christening service is all about inducting the baby into the church, and saying "you're one of us now, and the rest of them can (literally) go to hell". As an unbaptized, non-believing person, that makes me think they can go and fuck themselves. Their business if they want to carry on with their odd, irrelevant little medieval rituals, but I wouldn't let any child of mine anywhere near it.

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