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Original poster

To ask if and why you Christened your baby?

211 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 12/02/2014 17:14

Currently 34 weeks pregnant with mine and DH's first baby

I was not Christened myself, have never been bought up with religion in my life or particularly believing in it and I would never think to have the baby Christened.

My DH was Christened but is not religious. He teaches at a Catholic School (circumstantial, not because he 'believes') and although he attends certain services with the school he otherwise has nothing to do with the Church.

He announced yesterday that he wants to get the baby Christened - I asked him why and he came out with some line like, "It's just what's done isn't it?"

I said that neither of us were religious so what's the point? He then dared to say, "I think my mom would be upset if we didn't...." Shock

I told him it's not his mother's baby and it's nothing to do with her!!
(there have been previous issues with him wanting to please MIL)

Has anyone else had their baby Christened, despite not being religious, purel as you felt there is a sense in society that all babies should be Christened 'just because' ??

OP posts:
ballinacup · 13/02/2014 10:11

I don't believe and neither does DH, but DS is christened, and we will get DC2 christened as well. We also married in church and attend church fairly regularly... But that's because the best local schools are faith schools and they don't admit godless heathens Blush

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 13/02/2014 10:28

So what actually happens in a Naming Ceremony?? The one I attended was just a party in someone's house where they had some food and the dad got up at one point, thanked everyone for coming and said he wished good health on their new baby. There was nothing mentioned about her name. The whole thing was incredibly self indulgent - almost cheesily embarrassing.

A naming ceremony implies that nobody knows the name and the party is used as a way of announcing it to people??? But obviously that isn't the case seeing as usually everyone knows baby's name once it's born.

So what is normal procedure??
Do people actually hire out halls etc and put on buffets??

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 13/02/2014 10:38

I do wonder when family members throw a strop or put pressure on others to christen their children or parents do it to keep relatives happy. Why does one set of beliefs take precedent over another?

I'm not religious, and I hold on to that view. Doesn't mean my views are any less valid, and that should be respected. Why should I 'give in' just because my family expect a christening?

They don't btw, I'm speaking hypothetically.

wilbur · 13/02/2014 10:39

We had our dcs christened - we are what I would call "small c" Christians, occasional churchgoers, high days and holidays - it is both my religion and my culture. I was a more committed Christian in my youth and am always comforted and happy to be in church. I had a v interesting conversation with the vicar ahead of ds1's christening - there has been a church on the same spot since something like 1050 and he said he liked the idea that the act of baptism was something that linked all those parents and children for almost 1000 years - that a young couple from 1100, if they turned up today, would understand very little of what they would see - the cars, the clothes, the buildings, it would all be alien to them - but if they saw a priest pouring water over a baby's head, they would instantly know what that meant. So I like the meaning and the ritual of it, and the thread of history it represents - for us it was very special.

TheScience · 13/02/2014 13:07

You really don't like parties, do you OP Grin

You can have anything you like at a naming celebration - whatever is meaningful to you.

SirChenjin · 13/02/2014 13:27

Naming ceremonies are pointless. You name the child formally when you register it, informally when you decide on its name.

To have a party to name it is just an excuse for a get-together under the guise of getting presents much like the equally pointless baby shower

TheScience · 13/02/2014 13:33

People keep mentioning naming ceremonies being about presents, but I haven't been to one that has involved presents unless it was also a joint 1st birthday party. At ours we only got presents from grandparents I think - my mum made a quilt with his name and date of birth on it, MIL gave him a personalised money box.

Presents seem more expected at a christening.

SirChenjin · 13/02/2014 13:37

Why did you feel you needed to follow up the formal and informal naming with a ceremony, given that everyone knew his name?

TheScience · 13/02/2014 13:44

Because it wasn't really about naming, it was more a celebration of a new person in our family/community, a chance for friends and family to get together, naming "god"parents and parents/"god"parents making a public commitment. Maybe "Baby Welcoming Ceremony" or "New Baby Celebration" would be less confusing for some people.

Ceremonies and celebrations are part of human society/culture - it's how we mark important events. Now that fewer people are interested in organised religion, marriages, funerals, new babies, winter festivals all have secular alternatives.

Weegiemum · 13/02/2014 13:50

DH and I are both practising Christians and have been since before we met 24 years ago!

We were both baptised as infants but as our understanding of our faith grew we realised that a "christening" where your parents meant nothing by the vows was worthless. Still, the Bible talks a lot about "one baptism" and so for years we felt quite conflicted. During this time we were going to an Episcopal church (Anglican in Scotland), and had our 3 dc, but due to our worries about our own baptisms, we didn't have our dc baptised. Our minister was very pro infant baptism, and wouldnt allow a dedication.

We moved house/area almost 8 years ago, and started attending a local baptist church we liked. We had a lot of conversations with the assistant minister and eventually we had a fabulous day - our 3 dc were dedicated (age 7,5 and 3) and then both dh and I were baptised by full immersion. It was one of the most important moments of my life.

We're very glad we didn't give in to family pressure for a "christening".

Dd1 is now 14 and making up her own mind about faith - shes figured out her 16th birthday is a Sunday and wants to be baptised then. The others are too young yet.

Just my take on it!!

Blu · 13/02/2014 14:03

Don't be too hard on your DH.

I see a lot of people re-connecting with all sorts of things that are important to their families once children re on the way - nostalgia, sentiment, a sense of heritage and belonging, passing things on through the generations - it all becomes much more heightened.

Discuss it calmly and find out what he hopes to get out of it. REmind him that he wuld need to stand up and promise, in public, to bring his child up as a catholic, and all sorts of other promises and committments. Does he feel able to do that?

He may have a series of images in his head - a photo of baby in a christening gown, proud father, etc - they do kind of go with the old fashioned job description of 'new Dad' and maybe need a bit of time and patience to unpick.

No, my DS is not christened, we are not church members or religious. It would feel absolutely shallow, hypocritical and exploitative to use the church as a source of a phot on the mantlepiece and a party! It just wasn't on our radar.

But for whatever reason, it is on your DH's. Talk more before you go off on the MIL blaming route.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 13/02/2014 14:19

I need to get hold of the 'Promises' my husband will have to make, I doubt he even knows what they are!! Perhaps if he actually reads them he might see exactly what the meaning behind a Christening is, not that it's just 'something to do'.

However, if it's still something he really wants to do, it doesn't mean I have to stand up and make the same promises does it?

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 13/02/2014 14:19

I agree - celebrations are part of how we mark important events, and yes, a welcoming party (the sort of 'meet the baby' thing that we tend to do as a family anyway) might be less confusing - given that the name has already been given. A sort of 2 birds with one stone approach.

Gladvent · 13/02/2014 14:22

DC are 9 and 7 and have asked to be baptized so we will.

mummywithsmiles · 13/02/2014 14:25

I am an atheist ...my did was born v poorly and they told me she wasnt going to make it so we got her christened there I don't know y it just seemed the right thing to do.

rallytog1 · 13/02/2014 14:26

Writer I doubt any church would christen a child without both parents making promises (excepting obvious cases such as one parent families). A very important aspect of the whole thing is that you're all making promises as a family on your child's behalf, so I don't think a priest would agree if both parents weren't fully on board.

littleballerina · 13/02/2014 14:28

xdh family were religious so we did.
but I made sure we had a mix of god parents. Non are religious apart from ds1's Buddhist god father.

DinoSnores · 13/02/2014 14:28

We didn't. We are Baptist Christians and believe that baptism is for a person to decide to do themselves when they have chosen to follow Christ. We did have them dedicated, so we went to the front of the church during one of our normal church services so we and our children could be prayed for as a formal welcoming into the church family.

Ragwort · 13/02/2014 14:29

Yes - DH and I are practising Christians and it is important for us that our DS was welcomed into the Church family.

My parents/MIL (all non Church attenders) had nothing to do with our decision.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 13/02/2014 14:29

Thanks rally - I guess that makes it easier then as I can't force a priest to do it if it's against their protocols.

OP posts:
Gladvent · 13/02/2014 14:32

The questions are along the lines of;

Do you believe in God the father, the son, the Holy Spirit?
Do you renounce evil, the devil, repent of your sins?
Do you turn to Christ?

McPheezingMyButtOff · 13/02/2014 14:33

Dd was baptised in a beautiful cathedral. I was christened and have christian beliefs. She's got 3 wonderful godmothers, and I have the support of the church. Not doing it was never an option for me.

Sadly her father decided not to attend, because his own needs were more important. Bastard.

DidoTheDodo · 13/02/2014 14:35

Yes all three of mine were Christened.
Because we are Christians.
Easy decision.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 13/02/2014 14:36

Gladvent - thanks for that. There is no way I could stand up and answer those questions. There is not one single religious person in my family and none in my DH's either so why he is going on about having it done I'm not really sure. I'm going to get myself on Google and do some research into Catholic/Christian ceremonies (I don't even know which one he is considering, if he even knows himself) and then have a proper talk with him about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 13/02/2014 14:37

mcpheezing - would you have rather her dad attended and just lied his way through the ceremony? Make promises he had no intention of keeping?

OP posts: