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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if and why you Christened your baby?

211 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 12/02/2014 17:14

Currently 34 weeks pregnant with mine and DH's first baby

I was not Christened myself, have never been bought up with religion in my life or particularly believing in it and I would never think to have the baby Christened.

My DH was Christened but is not religious. He teaches at a Catholic School (circumstantial, not because he 'believes') and although he attends certain services with the school he otherwise has nothing to do with the Church.

He announced yesterday that he wants to get the baby Christened - I asked him why and he came out with some line like, "It's just what's done isn't it?"

I said that neither of us were religious so what's the point? He then dared to say, "I think my mom would be upset if we didn't...." Shock

I told him it's not his mother's baby and it's nothing to do with her!!
(there have been previous issues with him wanting to please MIL)

Has anyone else had their baby Christened, despite not being religious, purel as you felt there is a sense in society that all babies should be Christened 'just because' ??

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 13/02/2014 14:38

Writer....perhaps his family do have beliefs just not attend church regularly
However, totally your decision as the parents.

TheFabulousIdiot · 13/02/2014 14:38

I haven't Christened my child and wasn't christened myself. A few of my friends have suddenly started goin gto church as their children approach secondary school.

MIL mentioned a christening gown to me and my DH (Family Heirloom) before DS was born but it's not been mentioned since.

I have friends who had naming ceremonies for their first child but not their second which I think is strange.

Original poster
Writerwannabe83 · 13/02/2014 14:43

Only - well in the almost 5 years I've known them they've never been to Church and have never mentioned anything to do with religion or expressed any beliefs. I'm pretty sure they said they never got their 2nd son Christened actually, just my DH.

Also, just out of interest, I would have thought Priests would want to know the parents are doing it for the right reason, I.e that they themselves believe in the faith, and know this because the parents themselves attend Church regularly. Or will they happily Christen any baby if asked to?

OP posts:
sunshinemmum · 13/02/2014 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffyraggies · 13/02/2014 15:21

Watching this with interest writer as i have a sneaky feeling my ILs will be hankering after a christening for our new DD. DH and i not religious at all. And frankly neither are they!

DH and his 3 siblings were all christened at once years ago (when they were aged 6 to 14ish) blatantly as part of FILs efforts to join the masons that year Hmm

ILs see the GCs being christened with a big show as routine, although none of them have any actual faith. The last was a year ago. It's all display sadly. £££££

(i know i sound a cow, but it is how it is. I do actually really like my ILs)

Hands were thrown up in horror at the last family christening when they (very sweetly) asked me to be one of the god-mothers to little nephew, and DH to be a god-father; but it transpired during preparations that i'm not christened and that that mattered! (i didn't realise it mattered) There followed a daft charade of me not being able to stand up in church with DH and the other god parents, but being very solemnly assured afterwards by them that i am ''still just as good a god parent too''. Bless 'em Grin I am actually quite glad i didn't have to stand up there and promise to help raise the boy in the christian faith, as there wouldn't be a hope of that. DH felt exactly the same, but so as not to rock the boat he stood up and muttered his lines along with the rest of them.

Interested to hear that both parents would have to show good willing for a christening to go ahead. It's something i'm just waiting to crop up with MIL really. Not absolutely sure of how DH will react.

... does me not being christened get DD out of it completely? I do hope so Wink

brooncoo · 13/02/2014 16:54

We did and we are not religious though didn't have a problem with the kids learning aout what was traditionally our religion - plus, the school opposite our house was a religious based school and had the best reputation in our area.

They didn't go to that school in the end but the party was good and keeps options open and kept the PIl's happy.

oscarwilde · 13/02/2014 17:19

Both DH and I were christened and I was raised within a reasonably strict Catholic family. DH wasn't sure if he was CofE, Anglican or Baptist when my parents enquired on his first visit. Hilariously they had checked out all the local services so he could attend Grin His face was Shock

DC are not. We are both atheists. My parents have accepted it gracefully (we had a civil wedding ceremony) and frankly if our children become religious in later life I hope I would accept that too. Each to their own and all that - hopefully I will never stand on the fiery steps of hell and discover I should have had more faith Grin

My only regret is that as a direct result of not being christened they don't have godparents. I had a close relationship with mine growing up and I would like that for them.

I have become a godparent for a niece and had to renounce Satan etc on the altar. It made me pretty uncomfortable and it was done on the understanding of the parents that I was not a believer but would take their child to church if they were deceased. They were doing it for the pics so didn't care too much. My parents are pretty hacked off that my sister and BIL don't take their children to church so they get way more grief than we do which is ironic.

Sixgeese · 13/02/2014 19:00

DH and I are Christians and got our DC dedicated as babies, it is a service where we thank God for them and promise to teach them about him, it is not a service which makes them a Christian. We also don't give or received gifts at a dedication service.

We believe that the decision whether or not to believe in God is a personal one and not one your parents can make for you as babies.

However I do have God Children as one of my non Christian friends got her children christened and wanted one of the God parents to believe in God.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/02/2014 19:32

My parents didn't have me christened because they said I should be able to choose for myself when I'm older.
I'm not especially religious tbh but I have always been disappointed they took this line.
You can't, as an adult, undergo the ort of occasion that a christening is for a baby. You have to be quite a committed christian IMHO to want to be baptised as an adult.
Once christened, a person can still choose whether to be a Christian or not.
So I had my (our) DCs christened because indidn't want them to think I cba or was too cynical to let them have that ceremony/rite of passage.

Weegiemum · 13/02/2014 19:39

Anyone can choose whether to be a Christian or not.

Being baptised (seriously, it's NOT a Christening!) doesn't make a difference.

If you believe, then you are a Christian. If you don't, you're not. Baptism is simply an outward expression of inward faith.

rallytog1 · 13/02/2014 19:41

That's really interesting Amanda - I was christened as a baby, and I often feel like it robbed me of the opportunity to make that decision for myself. I don't resent my parents for their decision, but I think with hindsight they also wish they'd let me decide when I was older. My DH was baptised as an adult and it was an extremely moving and special day for us. I miss the fact I will never have that.

All this probably just goes to show that there is no right answer!

TheScience · 13/02/2014 20:17

I was baptised as a baby but as I don't believe it is pretty meaningless to me now. Still, it's nice to have photos of the cake and Christening gown!

BabyMummy29 · 13/02/2014 20:47

When I was little I think a lot of people got babies christened because it was the "done thing". I was christened in the RC church as my dad had been taken there as a child. I had 2 people as godparents whom I never saw in my whole life.

Also a lot of people seem to bow to pressure from ILs and go along with their wishes rather than sticking to their own beliefs (or non as the case may be)

anothernumberone · 13/02/2014 20:50

I have christened my children even though I am not religious because 1) it mattered to DH and 2) I am hedging my bets in case there is a God. I doubt I will get in but I was to spare the kids from eternal damnation.

BigFatGoalie · 13/02/2014 20:59

My DD had two christenings (family live in another country and are split between two towns, hence two christenings we decided to have when we went back for a holiday-no family in uk).
We had one in the church we used to attend when living there, and the other in my parent's home where their pastor came to do the service. We christened her because we are believers and wanted to publicly declare we will raise her according to the Bible and teach her about God, Jesus etc.
it's not about "church community", getting into a Christian school or "going to heaven" Confused
It was sharing with our family and friends the blessing that she is and thanking God for her in a public way. Our friends and families also commit to pray for her and us as parents in raising her.
That's why we did it.

anothernumberone · 13/02/2014 21:12

Why the confused face bigfatgoalie there is nothing to be confused about people are explaining their reasons for christening. What is confusing?

BigFatGoalie · 13/02/2014 21:33

I find it confusing that some people believe that christening your child means they automatically get into heaven. There's no Biblical evidence to support this, completely the opposite in fact. That's all.

HollyMiamiFLA · 13/02/2014 21:44

DS was named. It was just a nice event to have both sides of the family meet each other - seeing as how we never got married either. We said some poems, talked about Adam and thanked everyone for coming.

Then mingled with both families and took lots of pictures in a nice hotel.

HollyMiamiFLA · 13/02/2014 21:45

I was christened. But I haven't seen my Godparents since I was young. So yet more lies and vows said by people in the presence of God.

Sharaluck · 13/02/2014 22:10

I always think it odd if people have a christening when they are not religious themselves, but I try to attend and take a gift.

Ify they are religious I do make more of an effort as I know it means a lot to them.

BabyMummy29 · 13/02/2014 22:12

None of my Ils were religious, but all had big christenings with a party afterwards, yet I was made to feel odd because my church did a dedication as part of the normal Sunday morning service.

None of them bothered to come because there was no party.

brokenhearted55a · 13/02/2014 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheScience · 13/02/2014 22:20

Why? Christmas and Easter existed as festivals waaaaay before Christianity.

TheScience · 13/02/2014 22:21

And no doubt they will continue to exist long after Christianity's popularity has waned too Grin

SirChenjin · 13/02/2014 22:21

Not as Christmas or Easter they didn't!