To expect a thank you card from 4 year old?

[tinyshinyanddon]

Went to the birthday party. Brought gift. Then a few days later the mother send out an email to all guests:
"I've decided not to make Lucy write thank you cards thus year. She loves all her gifts, each and every one."
There is more blurb at the start and end about thank you for coming/didn't we have a great time/blah blah blah.
Is it just me or is this rude? Clearly Lucy would not be writing the cards anyway (just signing them) so basically mommy can't be arsed. May be its normal?

But that's my point, if you have to work so hard to cajole them or even fake their signature, then it's not about the child any more. I don't think I really want a thank you card from someone who didn't want to send it in the first place.

As for sorting the wheat from the chaff, that works both ways! I don't want gifts from anyone who sends them with conditions attached. I send gifts because I want to send gifts, not so I receive something in return. Because I think that is rude!

I'm with you OP. Children should learn to thank for themselves. It gives a great deal of pleasure to the recipient. It's part of teaching children give and take. If the child has physical difficulty with writing, then allowing them to type or to make a personal phone call is acceptable. But OP, sadly we have to recognise that our ways are not accepted or recognised by the new younger generation.

Low clouds forming, it only 'gives a great deal of pleasure to the recipient' if they are from the thank you note culture. You have no idea how much pleasure it gives, unless the recipient mentions it to you. There's lots of posters telling you they go in the bin, so clearly no pleasure there.

There are huge amounts of people brought up without a thank you note culture, myself included. We are grateful for gifts and say so when received or next time we speak. I find it incredible that no matter how good a parent I am, how successful I am in my career or what a decent person I am,I shall be deemed chaff by people from a different culture over a note.

If you want to send notes, that's fine, but don't tell me it is giving me a great deal of pleasure when I receive it. It isn't and I am not ashamed of the culture I was brought up in.

laughingeyes - you're right, mea culpa. I was being sarky and there was no need. Apologies.

Speaking generally, I do feel frustrated with people who perceive not doing things in the "correct" way (ie the way they like) as rudeness/laziness and then go on to extrapolate various character and personality failings from that. It's not necessary.

I'm just delighted to be classed as one of 'the younger generation' because I don't send or receive thank you notes Because I'm regularly made to feel positively elderly on mumsnet seeing as how I'm edging towards 40.

There are extraordinary tones of anger and pugnacious attitude from the "no thank-you note" camp here. Why? Amongst many this is a social convention. Fine for you to assert that you reject that social convention, but really, why so very rude about it?

Me too.treaclesoda, I'm getting a quiet thrill at thought of being a rebellious, angry young thing also nearly -40--

Oh dear. That'll teach me to try and do a fancy formatted post on my phone.

It's Lazy and YANBU. We are losing manners in this country.

Personally, my kids will be writing thank you letters. It's not just about saying thank you. It's the thought/trouble to actually sit down and write. Far more heartfelt and imo, makes children more grateful for what they have received.

I think the problem is most kids are spoilt these days and therefore the parents cba making them write thank you for each and every present!

Disagree with everyone who has said it's too much to expect a 4 year old to sit down and write thank you. We are creating a generation of self-entitled, spoilt, greedy little munchkins! God help the future..!

I don't feel angry about it lowcloudsforming and I don't think I've made an angry post, despite having been indirecly accused a few times of having no manners.

But the thing is, I don't think it's a matter of choosing not to conform to something that 'most' people consider polite. I don't deliberately refuse to send cards just to make a point that I'm not conforming. It's a convention that I had no idea existed, because it doesn't exist in my 'real world'. I don't really like being accused of having no manners just because of some social convention that I had no idea existed.

If a non-note camp person doesn't send note to a note person = a small amount of folk saying they don't really mind, but majority saying
poor manners/chaff/rude/plain rude/unbelievably rude/so very rude/judged/not our sort/bit on the lazy side/don't have common courtesy/haven't the faintest idea/no real appreciation/bizarre/can't be arsed... I bound to have missed another few gems

If you send a thank you note to a non-note camp person = they put it in the bin and get on with life without a second thought. However when they read the list above about something they've never been brought up to do but still offer thanks and are grateful in a different way, I could see why people are a bit

If the entire country had the same culture on this, I could kind of understand why this would be an issue. But the country doesn't have the same culture, and there are lots of fantastic people carrying on with life blissfully unaware of this extra step seen as the basic standard of manners by another culture and are thus labelled by some of the comments listed above. Unbelievable.

We are not losing manners- it was something that was never done before computers. You wrote than you letters to people not there- you thanked child party guests at the time.

Flippinada - I appreciate your graciousness and no worries

This makes me think of the vomit hurling middle aged dear in Little Britain. I think if someone is so closed minded and parochial to think that sending thank you cards is a common expectation and level of manners practiced everywhere and by everyone and that you can use this as a barometer to gage the calibre of folk - then really they should get out and about more and realise there is life out there Jim, but just not as they know it.

Totally unreasonable. It may be the done thing where you live but my kids have been to loads of parties and I have never received a thank you note. Most mums are also working either full or part time and have better things to do than write 30 thank you cards for a lot of tat they have received at a kids party!

Most four year olds don't know where to buy stampss

Most four year olds don't buy their own food either - what a ludicrous argument. This is about helping them learn how to appreciate what they are given. Don't mock it.

No Lowcloudsforming, it is one way of helping them learn. There are other ways of teaching the same lesson. No camp is right, no camp is wrong, just different.

Steady on folks with the idea I expected a letter! Here it's very normal to send a thank you card - a letter would be unheard of. So the card might say "dear mrs bird thank you for the great marmalade. I am making a sandwich . Love paddington". Takes less than a minute. Parent can write it with child. Child "signs". Never found it a chore and i don't think my kids do! And I know I was thanked in the email - that was not the point of the thread. I was interested to figure out what other people thought was polite re modern media and wording.

It isn't one way if helping them learn- that would be to write a proper letter to granny or someone who wasn't there. Mother writing the Paddington type letter and getting them to write the name is a complete waste of time. Mrs Bird would prefer Paddington to pop into the kitchen and thank her in person, or pick up the phone- rather than some soulless letter that you can't do anything with except read and recycle. I have kept some of the handwritten thank you letters written by my nephews - I don't keep the cut and paste efforts of a mother. I also don't expect it if I was with them when they opened it.

I thanked everyone via fb with photos of toys being played with by dd. she's 3.

Turns out I'm younger than I realised on this thread! It's 2014. Will do same next year.

The only people I might write too are the oldies. But most of those are on fb so this still works. We got lots of lovely comments and likes too. Ain't changing.

My children were in quite small classes during the "whole class part" period. Say there were 20 in the class. So after our party I write 19 individual cards (I am assuming a parent does not get a card from their own child). Then each of those 19 parents writes me a card when the time comes. That is 19 squared cards ( now I wish I had said 21 per class) which is 361 cards that have to be written and distributed. What a horrific waste of paper. Maybe u will buy shared in Hallmark. Parties are so expensive without buying yet more cards to send out.