hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

Hmmm kids could stay but I'd expect full part on all bills and chores. If you mean stay for free, and I'm doing cleaning etc bugger right off!

I don't think disagreeing with someone makes me rude MrsKoala.

Although I will admit the "are you on the sauce?" comment could be construed as rude.

I just think you are basing your comments on anecdotes.

We all have anecdotes but it doesn't mean they represent statistically significant data.
.

More than I did fail as an adult that's why I come back because I knew I couldn't cope ( not now her dads wamkered off )

In general though I find it a lil sad that people who live at home are seen as dependant etc. Diff cultures and all that. I l e seeing families together and I would no way feel like my job should b over when daughter is 18 and she all of a sudden needs no support in life.

I got my own place at 21 when I'd finished uni. I ended up back at my mums for a short time in my 30s when a series of circumstances lead to us being homeless. I couldn't wait to get out again it wasn't good for my mental health.

I'd let my children stay as long as they needed or wanted to. Isn't going to be something I worry about for a while as they're 6&7!

I moved into my pfh (precious first house!) when I was 30, having lived in Uni accommodation / rented with friends from around 19, still came home for holidays (worked them and paid rent while saving for next term) until I was 25 or so. Then I was working full time all over the south west & renting work-provided accommodation on site, until I had a longer contract in the same place and could buy somewhere.

I'd be very happy for the boys to live at home +/- partners and babies if they needed to, to be able to save for their own house. But then I can't imagine many DiL being happy with that! The house was designed to be able to support multi-generational living when we built it.

Salmo, I don't care whether you agree with me or not, i enjoy having discussions and would never find someone having a contrary opinion rude. Accusing me of being drunk when i have made a perfectly coherent point is rude and yes, what i was referring to.

I agree my comments are based on personal experiences having worked with hundreds of young people, and it also seems to be a point shared by other professionals in the area. However, i would be interested in any statistics on how many more people live with parents and are incapable or unwilling to look after themselves. Altho i doubt there are such ones out there.

mummywithsmiles - if it works for you and you are all happy and get on well, then don't do what you don't want to do. Other people's opinions are completely irrelevant.

My brother lived with my parents until he was nearly 30 for the only reason that he was in a very poorly paid job and couldn't afford a place to rent.

One of my colleagues had to move home after her divorce at nearly 40 because she was left practically bankrupt by her arsehole of an ex.

A friend has had her parents move into her house because they needed somewhere else to live and she couldn't afford to keep the house going by herself after a relationship break up.

Sometimes life doesn't work out the way you think it is going to and so, we have to adjust and do things that we may not want to do.

22-23, with the exception of small stays if made redundant etc! I find the whole british thing about living at home "forever" to be utterly sad.

I think sometimes it's not being able to afford to move out. Me and my DH were in and out of parents houses until a year ago, due to being made redundant, DH was still at Uni, and couldn't afford to rent.

When I had my LO, DH had started a new job 400 miles away. I chose to stay at my mums and have LO with family around, rather than move when I was 6 months pregnant. I think a lot of it is to do with money and circumstances.

I moved out at 18 for uni, in with my boyfriend after. Everything was going swimmingly until he died a year ago and left me unable to pay for the house alone.

So now at 27 I'm back with my parents desperately saving up to get a place of my own. I pay my way and look after myself. I'd rather not be living here, but if I didn't I'd never be able to save up enough money to buy a place and I don't want to rent for the rest of my life.

Sorry if anyone can't cope with that.

If I want to have sex I stay at my boyfriend's and if I get pissed I usually stay on a friend's sofa. Not that I get pissed that much. I'm too busy working really fucking hard to save up.

Sometimes circumstances overtake you. I moved 200 miles away when I was 23. Then my Dad died and I had to take over looking after my mother. So I bought a house in my hometown and she moved in with me. So my mum is 66 and lives with me. I know a lot of people in RL and on here think it is odd.

Mummy

You haven't failed though, you need help and support.
The people I refer to are living the life of riley, have all the things we couldn't have dreamed of at their age and still live with mummy and daddy.
You have a poorly child and no partner on the horizon, if there is anyone who needs the support it is you.

I think there ae some places where there just isn't and wasn't a lot of houses or flats for people or they are too expensive. Think it depends to a degree on location. For where I'm from it was very common to stay at home, also know adult brothers and sisters who shared rooms etc.

Interesting theory's on here .... I know down here its really hard for play people to afford even a room. Maybe location is a factor.

ohhh there's a bit on ch4 news about it now.

Much as my heart sinks at the thought of them leaving, ever - I think I'd be a bit worried if they were still at home after around 25.

In the olden days, 1940's, married still lived with parents in the front room!

I think whats right and wrong has all gone out the window, house buying renting, all gone tits up...

I would not mind having my DD live with me for as long as she needed, I wouldnt put an age limit on it...but I would rather she didnt leave us at 16.

Mummy, there will be people that see you as a failure. Don't let them beat down your self-worth and confidence, your family set up and support sounds like the sort of thing many MNetters would love to have.
Family at your back through thick and thin, and love and support given without judgement or expectation. Beyond price. Your daughter will grow up loved.

claudius its not odd at all, dont forget in the UK we treat our elderly appalling and don't think twice about shoving them into a home!

If you were in most other European countries, what your doing is normal.

One bedroom flats round here start at a minimum of £180,000. Room rents in a shared house are around £500+ a month.

DD is 24 and back at home with us, she's been away at Uni for 4 years and is now a teacher, working in a local high school, as an NQT only gets a one year contract it would have been silly for her to get her own place, she is trying to pay off her overdraft and build up some savings so she will be able to go it alone. She will be taken on permanently in September and also get a pay rise so I expect her to be in her own place by next September.
We don't see an awful lot of her, she's either at work, in bed, or out!

To those saying 20, I'm not sure you realise how difficult it is for young adults to be able to afford to move out these days, especially if you're in or around London. I totally agree that you should have independence as an adult, but unfortunately that is near impossible for most 20-something's these days unless you're willing to spend loads on rent for years and never buy.

It's great that so many were able to move out at 18 or never return from uni, but it's not like that anymore...

mummy

Do you not think its important for young people to learn how to stand on their own two feet and support themselves?
I would feel that I had failed as a parent if my dc were unable to do this.
I still stand by my comment though, you are a different case. Ok somebody in your position may be able to cope, but you couldn't and there is no shame in that. Carrying on, not coping wouldn't have been the right thing for your dd, you did the right thing.
I have a daughter and I'd do the same for her or her brothers if need be.
I just wouldn't want them to use it as an excuse not to do things for themselves. Ds1 is 22 and saving a deposit for a house share, only renting but a start. Ds2 is 19 and only works pt but looking for full time and saving all he can for deposits.

I think a lot of people in our generation are going to have a severe shock when it comes to our grown up children. Large proportions of our kids will not be able to afford to move out, even renting is prohibitive now, unless you earn over the national average. If you earn less than that you will be screwed.

There simply aren't enough homes being built, house prices are way too high, and still rising. And the house price rises are still being seen as something positive.

I live on a former council housing estate. Some of the homes were sold under the right to buy sceme. These 3 bed, ugly semidetached homes are now selling for up to 200K. Yet round here most jobs are little more than minimum wage!!!!

I maddens me that the whole country just seems to be blithely naively heading to a housing meltdown. I cannot see our kids all being able to be independent. We don't even own our own home on 2 incomes, our DCs will have no chance. Where will they live? How can they even imagine starting a family of their own? Will we become like the chinese, 5 generations under one roof?