hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

"Infantilising" and "prematurely ageing"

Are you on the sauce?

Make up your mind MrsKoala - which one is it?

People would need to stay at home, yes, but the point is quite a few people are stating they wold want their DC to move out as they wouldn't want them.

When you have a baby that is the risk you take.

Ohhhh I love midsummer night murders lol ... Kind of made your point then didn't I

Take my situation aside I do find let's all move out at 18 fascinating and was generally just curious.

You sisters could get a flat share. But then your mum would be left alone and how would she feel about that? And the drop in financial contribution?

I think people should live at home for as long as it's mutually beneficial. And not a minute longer.

mummy of course you need the support. I wish your dd all the luck in the world.

But but surely you shouldn't need each other? Support and help, but not need? I sort of feel that you should both be looking elsewhere for this need, rather than relying on each other

My DM and dsis needed each other. It stopped my dsis from forming a proper relationship with another adult. They sort of became each other's significant other, which I thought was a bit sad

Mummywithsmiles I am sorry to hear your dd is so poorly

NICUs are scary places, I still shudder at the memory of the smell of Hibiscrub (both of my babies spent time in a unit as newborns)

I moved out at 18, as I was having so much fun with my friends.

I would be very disappointed in my parenting skills if my DC's were still living with me for more than 6 months after entering full time employment. The idea of my DC's living at home as grown adults and sharing a bedroom is depressing, it means I haven't prepared them well enough to make their own way in the world.

Would it have been sadder if they'd been alone separately?

I do see your point, "where you are coming from" as they say, Oranges but the truth is we see normality and happiness in this country very narrowly. Happiness equates a sexual partnership with someone who is (usually) the opposite sex to you - if you don't have that, you aren't 'normal' and are destined to die surrounded by cats.

I think actually we have many different needs and one of those needs is friendship and companionship. Trust me, past a certain age, getting that from, well, friends is near enough impossible. If a parent also desires companionship - why not? It only seems mutually beneficial from where I'm standing.

I said in some parts it's infantilising and others ageing. It can be both. You end up with an immature person in some respects ie they cannot look after themselves, but they also have middle aged aspects too ie sitting round with older people watching tv and not doing 'young' things. Therefore missing the middle chunk of development. I didn't realise that was that complicated a concept.

And no i'm not on the 'sauce' thanks.

Orange,I do need her at the moment I was independent since 16 but I know I need her at the moment.

My DD left at 18, moved to another town, supported herself, then her relationship broke down. After living with friends she moved back in with us and can stay as long as she likes.
DS was going to move out, flat fell through then he decided to go back to further education so he's still here.
They help around the house, DS in particular will cook meals.
It helps that my bedroom is big enough to be a sitting room also, so I have my own space tv etc.

It's not a complicated concept, I understand what you happen to believe thanks

I just don't agree with you.

We don't need each other 24 7 . but I couldn't have managed without her the last 6 months and I'm v thankful and I be my mum v much.... But I do my own things too and vice versa

Doesn't sound like my house either MrsK. Do you like your job?
You seem to have very low expectations of your customers.

I think 30 is a bit late, but my kids will be welcome (I guess). It may wear after some time, I imagine.

, but it want just about the opposite sex. They were so interdependent on each other there was no room even for friendships, and to some extent this ruined my sisters life.

I used to find their closeness smothering, it just stopped them making friends anywhere else.

Salmo, i don't understand why you are being so rude. If you understand how one can be both, why do i need to 'make up my mind?' Whether you agree or not, my point still makes sense doesn't it?

ExBil was incapable of doing his washing or cooking yet also sat about like an old man watching coronation street. He was 24. It was weird. Even his parents called him and his GF 'Derby and Joan'. It was like a child/old man all rolled into one.

I think when their income would allow a deposit or be able to pay a rent, it is time to go. We have decided that any of the dc go when they have a better standard of living than us.
So, for us if they have a better car than us, all the gadgets that are available etc.
They have to learn how to manage their own income.
it is usually about mid to late twenties these days. Although dh's half siblings can afford to move out and haven't, they are 28 and 25.
Both me and dh moved out at 18, weren't together then though

But not all are like that, none of my sisters r like that ... We all do our own things and have fun when were together too..I haven't got a doubt in my mind that my daughter is in the right place and surrounded with love :)

What I mean by support its swings and round about like my mum the last few weeks has done my washing because I've been up nicu a lot and yesterday when I rang to say my daughter had a turn for the worse my mum n 1 sister was up there in 20 minutes ready to show there support.

Mothra - i have what i would consider normal expectations of mid 20 year olds to be able to do basic job search tasks. It is because of my expectations i am constantly shocked at how low young peoples expectations are of themselves. I think it's very sad when i meet young people who cannot function as adults. I like to help them become more independent. Yes i did like that job. I don't do it now as i am a SAHM tho. But hope to go back and continue to help those whose parents have not given them the tools to succeed on their own.

It of course is not all people. But it is a social phenomena me and colleagues saw increasing.

OP

You are different though as you have left home and managed and coming back as a mum you are an adult. This is different than coming home because you have failed miserably in a grown up world.
You have done the best thing for you and your child. You have identified that you need help and have a loving family to support you.
This is different than sponging off your family and not being arsed to get your body into gear and do something worthwhile, which is what a lot of older people are like who are still at home

I am going to retire to my tiny seaside cottage so there won't be room for any adult DCs

I'm 24 and am back living with my parents. I lived with my DP for 6 years, but he got a promotion and he now has to work abroad a lot. He has been in the UK for 3 weeks out of the last 5 months it was unsustainable to continue to flat-share in London under the circumstances.

It's a good thing I did move back as I have had to leave my job (not my fault!) and am currently going for interviews most days to try and get back on my feet. As soon as he comes back to the UK in March we are going to look for a new flat (dependent on my job search).

I love my parents and we get along so well, but they want me to move out again as they know I'm not happy and want to live with my DP again/get on with my life and career/start a family in a few years.

However, they are happy to have me and I pull my weight financially/with chores, which is more than can be said for DSis... I think the only way to make this work in adulthood is by ensuring you don't slip back into the parent/teenager thing!

I Was 26, brother 27 and sister 21 when we moved out. Where I grew up it was really common to stay at home till you got married. Very few seemed to just leave or go out and get a flat of their own or house shared (there just didn't seem to be houses or people couldn't afford a mortgage). Also if anyone went to uni it was nearby and the stayed with partners and just got the bus each day. So I find it strange that parents expect their children to leave home in their teens or early 20's. Just not the way it was in my experience.