hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

in a few years time when they all qualify I can imagen him flat sharing with friends, but not at 19/20

God that's not a great wage is it Moomins!

Hard to see how he could even afford a room in a flat.

At least when he's fully trained he will be better off.

People not pulling their weight with chores, nicking your food, running up electric bills, generally being selfish sods.

That's part of the learning curve tho. You learn how to deal with conflict and what you can accept. You'd also have some fun too i would hope. I think if you get paid 15k a year and pay £600 a month for rent, you are left with £400 a month to live on. You could do all food for £100 and still have £300 disposable income. Lets £100 a month for fares and you still have £50 per week. That's what i live on now. It shouldn't be that much of a struggle to have fun on that.

The thing is, living off mum and dad is it living an adult life...at some point that step to independence has to be made and I'm not sure how fair ut is to be living at home using all the stuff someone else has worked hard for whenits time to make your own way in life, certainly past 25

One of mine still lives at home at 31. I'm happy, she's happy, we do a lot together, as my husband works away a lot. She has her freedom to do whatever she likes, and no doubt when someone comes along who reaches her high standards, she may move out. I'll miss her greatly, but will wish her well, of course. (I may cry).

Anyway, she's my daughter and I love her.

My family are from Cyprus and it's usual for adult children to live at home and raise families, other cultures too, only it seems in Britain we want to kick children out when tgey are 18

People are different. Some see leaving home, flatshares, travelling abroad, etc. as independence. Some see setting up their own business or focusing on education to get a good job or even marriage and family as independence. Everyone's different.

My sister lived at home till she married and then again a bit after, then they bought their own house together and had a family. Both she and her husband had, and still do, a great social life, but were very mature, sensible types who really wanted a home and family.

They were 27 when that happened and are now in their late 40s and perfectly well-adjusted. They didn't want to live together before marriage, it went against their beliefs.

Her elder daughter is very similar. She goes out, has plenty of friends, but is quite religious and business/career-orientated and is fine living at home, paying rent and working in the home, too. She doesn't want to rent from a landlord and all it entails, and my sister and her husband are fine with that.

Horses for courses.

But Moomins, your DS is on an apprenticeship. As i said that's FT education in my book. So no of course i wouldn't charge the same as a house share - as i said. But if it was FT work, earning at least £1k a month i would expect £100 a week at least. That would still leave £600 disposable income - i wish i had that!

exactly salmo it does go up to £180 soon though, he cant wait!.

But you can live with mum and dad without living off them there is a diff

'The thing is, living off mum and dad is it living an adult life...at some point that step to independence has to be made and I'm not sure how fair ut is to be living at home using all the stuff someone else has worked hard for whenits time to make your own way in life, certainly past 25'

That only happens when parents allow it and/or can afford it.

Some parents don't see it as using all the stuff they worked hard for, they are fine with sharing and set up very strong ground rules around life.

'But you can live with mum and dad without living off them there is a diff'

True, mummy. Plenty do!

Oh I do admit the only problem we do have with 4 women in the house is the bathroom ha

Some of the comments on here are stupidly judgemental. Just because a person lives with their parents past the age of 25 does not mean that they will be lacking in independence, emotionally stunted or immature. It simply means that they have made a decision on what works for them, if their parents are fine with it then I fail to see the problem.

Some people don't want adventures at 18, some people aren't interested in mad drinking games and house sharing with other people of the same age. Financial issues are a massive issue at the moment and this thread is incredibly insulting to those of us who were relying on living with parents whilst we finished masters degrees and saved for a house deposit.

I moved out at 28, obviously I'm irresponsible and haven't learned how to budget or pay a bill :).

OP you've done the right thing, you've recognised that you need support and you've put yourself in a position where that support is there. I wouldn't even be questioning age at this point. Stay put, I hope your baby is home with you soon.

BTW, my pfb only child will live with me forever.

we have 4 boys, luckily the age gap is so big we dont have to worry about bathroom hogging too much.

im pretty sure that by the time ds3&4 are late teens ds1&2 will have moved out

Exactly, Pans.

I think sometimes people move out too young it can go both ways ... If it doesn't work out and there not fully ready that can also have a detrimental effect

Some British people want their kids to leave as soon as they are 18 it seems.

Mrs Koala - I'm WC and my experiences were that everyone stayed at home mostly way past 20. Usually until they got married or nowadays more common to live together first. Those that left young was due to getting pregnant and getting a hike up the housing lists or they came from really dysfunctional families and often had a chaotic life.

Would love to teleport you forward 18 yrs to see if you stick to what you are saying now about your still very young children or if you might have changed your mind.

Another thing, does it depend on your wealth. We are quite comfortable - I can't imagine just pulling the rug and watching our kids scraping by just for the rite of passage and the 'experience' - while we live a very comfortable lifestyle.

I'd like my DC to have the opportunity to go away to university/college (I felt that I got more out of the experience by living away from home during that time than friends who lived at home throughout) but I would hope that after their studies finished they'd move back to live with me at least for a while - and ultimately for as long as they wanted, it will always be their home.

I do encourage them to be independent - both do chores, know how to use the washing machine/tumble dryer, can cook for themselves, and are far more self sufficient than I was at their age (going away to uni was a steep learning curve for me!) and than their father is at 48 (he moved back with his parents after we split, still lives there and has no plans to move out in the foreseeable, mainly because he is incapable of doing anything for himself as his mum has always done everything for him; she still makes his sandwiches now...!)

I think provided you don't infantilise young adults there is no reason why they should leave home at any particular age. Some are ready sooner than others.

What about boomerang children then?
DD has lived in shared accommodation for three years, negotiated with landlords, coped with PITA flatmates, cooked and cleaned laundered and got herself to lectures. dealt with household emergencies that the others couldn't, including the fire brigade.
Now she's at home again.
But I could go through the posts in Active and know that she could cope with many of the things that send MNetters into a tailspin. So she's a competent, capable young woman, living at home.

Maybe we should be taking a leaf out of other cultures' books a bit more!

Extended families sharing accommodation - everyone pitching in and looking out for each other.

That is a bit of a rose tinted view. Asian friends have told me what their mothers went through as daughters in law living in their Mother in Law's house. They were basically expected to exceed to every whim of the mother in law and act as unpaid skivvies. Sons would not be in a position to challenge the authority of their mother either.

That may be very nice and beneficial for the mother in law, but less so for other family members.

It tells a tale that none of them want the same for their daughters.