hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

For the people who say 18 and even those who say 20, would you actually be dissapointed in them that they hadn't moved out.

My DS's left home at 18, one to uni and has never returned home now lives in his uni city , lives with GF and has a job. The eldest for a job, he has only ever returned between jobs for a couple of weeks.
DD left at 19 to flat share and a few months later to move in with BF, he bought a flat for them to live in, he was 23.
I left home at 19 (just after my birthday)into a bedsit, my DB at 16 (army).

my dd is 20 she lives at home still , it can be difficult sometimes if i am honest but I am not going to throw her out

Just seems to be turning to a strange lasting thread where the sooner your kids leave the better and something to be proud of. Just find it strange.

mummy not disappointed in them either way, it was their decision and they know that they are all welcome any time. They know they are loved but we also respect them as adults.

Boasting thread - not lasting thread.

My mother loved having us at home. When we lived away she continually invited us to come home. When we did boomerang back home she was so happy. Naturally we played on this - getting our own way by threatening to move out. In the end I bought a flat a mile away from home when I was 28. She'd still be happy if I moved back home, with husband baby and all.

Its not a boasting thread my daughter is 5 weeks old amend defiantly not moving out ha... Sorry if it came across as boasty

mummy
My cat left home for a week when he was 2 looking for girl cats I think

I dated a guy from Bangladesh who thought it was crazy that I lived in the same city as my parents but didn't live with them. It made absolutely no sense to him.

Lol my cat will barely leave my mums bedroom.... Hmmmm maybe my mum just has some weird magic powered that brain washed us as all to say lol including the cat oh and the cat is like 14 so we need to start preparing him for real life lol

• stay

'People at that age are older adults and therefore more mature and should feel the need to spread their wings a bit'

That's your definition, though. In plenty of other cultures, it's very normal to only leave to marry and/or either live with family or very, very close to them. Many people do it and don't feel their lives are crushed by it.

'Spreading wings', 'independence', all very Western baby boomer constructs, like 'me' time, going travelling/gap years, feeling that you're entitled to a long retirement and children having own bedrooms.

OP you're doing what's right for you now, I hope no one is criticizing you. My kids paid board when at home but I've put in accounts for them to use when they want to buy. And they don't know this so it'll be a useful contribution. I would never want them to pay me and for me to profit from it. Not sure what other people feel about this angle though?

I left at 17.5 to join the Royal Navy and basically bounced back home numerous times right up to the age of 36 when I was pregnant with DS and finally left.

It would't really bother me when DS left as long as he was self sufficient no way would I let him stay if he didn't cook, clean, iron etc after himself.

Mind you he is only 4 so I may want him out when he becomes a teenager

a lot of working class children dont leave home at 18 they dont have the money too

independence is a state of mind imo my daughter is a grown up who is quite independent but still sleeps and eats here

Expat I agree with what you say about the Western ideas. It has been a real eye opener for me to live in a different culture. My dh finds it very odd that while we are sometimes struggling to make ends meet my parents are going off on luxury holidays every couple of months. He doesn't say anything but I can see what he is thinking. Just like I know his parents must find it weird that both my gms are still alive and living alone only seeing their families from time to time.

Yes what goes around comes around and maybe one day we'll have to take care of mil in her old age but tbh she would be far more helpful and pleasant to have around than my own dm who will probably end up in a posh retirement home somewhere alone.

Many people of all ages feel lonely and unloved, what is the point in 'independence' for the sake of it. It's not hard to live alone and support yourself anyway if you flat share and have a decent wage but that is incomparable to living with a partner and children and the kind of organisation and compromise that it takes.

mummywithsmiles - at the moment, your little girl needs all of the help and support she can get and that includes her Aunts and Grandmother. And you need help and support yourself. Don't let the negative comments on here get to you. Do what is right for you and your DD. Hope she comes home soon.

exactly zeezee nothing wrong in living with your family imo

Thank you ... Just realised were all talking bout kids moving out ... I a,m still waiting for mine to move in :)

Does it work the other way round?

I do voluntary work with a guy who is homeless (sleeps on the streets); his son (in his 20s) owns his own home (outright, no mortgage ) yet hasn't offered his father his spare room. The father says that he can 'understand' his son's point of view.

I don't know what the answer is, the father has made some poor choices in his life, but still, would you let your parent sleep rough (no hostel or anything) if you had a comfortable home with a spare bedroom?

a lot of working class children dont leave home at 18 they dont have the money too

That's the opposite of my experience MrsJay. All my WC peers left school at 16 and got jobs, it was the MC ones who naval gazed and had gap yahs and stayed at home (some are still living there trying to get their dj-ing careers started at 35yo ). I'm sure it's different now that jobs are more scarce tho. I left school and walked into a low paid job as did my friends. We had no hopes of career progression but enjoyed having the small amount of money and freedom. We managed to cover the bills and scrape by. However, some of us did return to studying/retrain later when we realised working in a sandwich bar wasn't going to develop into a fulfilling career.

Yes I woodland definitely, but would encourage them to find a way to move out.

i left school at 16 but couldnt afford to move out oh andin my world a gap year meant you were unemployed