hmmm aibu to ask ... was just reading another thread .. how old do you think its acceptable for your children to move out .. would you let them stay tilmthey were 30 ?

[mummywithsmiles]

Yep just that really , I'm 22 sister 29 and other sister 32 ,we all live with my mum.

I think people fledge and are ready too at different ages, some people are yearning for independence from the womb, they can't wait to get out and do their own thing, others need to be at home a little longer and I think people should leave them alone!

Others do need help to fledge because the parents have kept them dependant...for their own ends.

There are so many situations in which people are still at home and you cant put blanket comments on it.

FWIW I know of a mother and daughter combo who were very close, lived with parents until married at 30, then moved close by, then moved back in for a few years whilst house was being done up, then moved into house round the corner when done, always in and out of each others houses and she has recently, helped her mother live in the home, with dementia and cancer and she and her DD's looked after the mother at home and I think that's something to be so proud of and wonderful and rare in this country, this to me is what family should be!

I agree that living away from your parents does not necessarily make you independent.

One of my sisters is 48 and moved out of our parents' home 25 years ago She has her own family but is still completely and utterly dependent on them for everything.

It's a really unhealthy relationship, imo.

Looked after her until she passed away, at home.

I don't understand the rush to leave home for a shared house and rent to pay

I went back home after university and spent the next few years saving. I bought my first house at 26.

15 years later I had a husband and two kids and had paid off the mortgage so I could SAHM

The PP who was railing against adult children living at home and the firm line her parents took revealed that that was only possible because of a gifted deposit...

I agree that living away from your parents does not necessarily make you independent.
But it's a good indication.

Exactly annoying. Personally, for lifestyle reasons I wanted to move out early but this had consequences financially. It would have been a far more sensible thing for me to live at home and save, save, save. Well sensible save for the fact that I would have killed my DM.

Maryweetcott my mum doesn't treat us like that all... We all have a say and discuss things we don't like... This isn't my mums home that we r living it ..... It is our home were allowed to do as we please as long as we respect one another. My sisters pay as equal to my mum we all buy milk bread and food.

I agree with all your posts MrsKoala, it is my personal experience with my two teens, who left home at age 17 and 18 that the experience of having to make all their own decisions, work out budgets according to what income they have month to month, one at uni with p/t job waitressing, the other doing an apprenticeship 8-4 Mon to Fri and working at a petrol station four evenings a week. It's been the making of both of them and I am very proud of their achievements.

I know for a fact that neither would view coming back home to live as an option unless they are desperate and I would welcome them back, assuming it's temporary. In their opinion, living at home isn't a patch on living in digs and being free to do what they want, with whom, without having to check with us parents.

I know that if either of them had chosen to study locally and stay at home they would not be the same confident, independent individuals they are now. With the best will in the world, living in someone else's house, maybe paying a token rent, but without any real responsibilities (and consequences) does no favours for anyone. It does not give you the drive and ambition to improve your situation (makes you passive); it does not encourage you to plan for a better job, housing situation, further education; does not show you the vision of what could be (the sky's the limit).

Well, that's my experience anyway.

Well said Tabby

ALittleStranger - yes of course some people do have mental health or other issues and aren't able to leave home but in my experience a lot of people do 'free load'. Many of my friends (we are in our 50s/60s) have adult children who will not leave home and quite a lot of them are completely fed up with the situation but haven't got the strength to tell them to leave. These are not adults who cannot afford to move out, these are people who are well paid but prefer to spend their money on their social lives rather than saving up for a deposit or whatever.

Yes, I think my friends should toughen up, they have allowed this situation to develop rather than encouraging independence.

'I have married into a culture where it is the norm to live with your parents until you get married and for many people even after that. This is partly because no-one can afford to do it any other way and partly because as parents you would be viewed pretty negatively if your kids left at a young age like late teens/early twenties. My dh and his sister both lived at home until their late 20s and left to move in with their future spouses (me in dh's case!) '

Same here. I was the only one who didn't. All are now well-adjusted and in their 40s.

My sister's elder child goes to uni and lives at home. She is 19. She has a very full on social life and is building up her own business. She pays rent and board and pays for her own car insurance, petrol, maintenance. Living at home allows her to save and have a stable base to run her business. She is very sensible when it comes to money and is glad to be able to focus on school and the business rather than flathunting, flatmate problems, deposits, moving costs, etc.

She has a rota of chores and does them just fine.

She plans to stay, and is welcome to, as long as she cares to.

Don't see the lack of 'independence' here.

It's quite common in many European countries, too, to live at home for college and/or uni.

Then I blame the parents Rag, if my DD was out working and doing well I would have her at home if she wanted but would be asking what she is putting aside for her own deposit and giving me rent.

if they are putting up with it sounds like more parnets issue than the childs, or young adults.

Gees, how did my mother's generation cope? It was not the done thing for a woman to live on her own until marriage. Yet they managed to do run a house. Mine learned to budget and life-skills at home. So do my nieces. By 17, they were scheduling their own appointments, getting themselves to them, etc. My sister and her husband have busy jobs.

In many cultures where it is normal to live at home, freeloading isn't an option. You have to work inside the home.

I wouldn't want my teens to have to live like that if there was another way. I don't want them to have such a hard and responsible time at that age tbh.

I moved out very young at 16. I wouldn't mind my dc staying as adults in the future. No age limit as long as we all get on.

I wouldn't want my teens to have to live like that if there was another way. I don't want them to have such a hard and responsible time at that age tbh.

That was to Tabby.

This is quite interesting. Here is the in Japan perspective. Here there are mainly new builds, due to the cost of land and housing the new housing stock is shifting to what is called. 2.5 gen. This means grandpa, grandma, single or divorcee sibling and the mum and dad with kids. ALL in one house!! Usually grandma and pa pay for the house or land and the others stump up the other costs. The design is such that the Grands may even have their own entrance.

I wonder if this will be on the cards in the uk as housing cost rise? THIS could be your childrens future!!

Exactly expat - we learned life skills from our parents whether it was DIY or how to cook a chicken.

tanukiton sounds great to me...

all help with child care a little comminutiy all pitching in...

Agree expat.

I also agree with mrs K but I feel she is talking about one type of situatin.

But at 19 it's still quite common for dc to be at home. Most of them don't have the money at that age to go. But late teens/early 20s are still quite young, young adults in fact

However living at home 10 years later is a completely different thing. People at that age are older adults and therefore more mature and should feel the need to spread their wings a bit

I knew a mother and daughter who lived together until the mother died of old age sadly, the dd worked had a car had friends but just lived with her mum she didnt see the need to move out, I also know a woman and her children who lives with her mum but she seems a child still and cant cope on her own she said,