To ask if you would find this odd

[honeystillfortea]

Teenage DD talking to her teacher for an hour after school every day plus every lunch time.

BTW - the girl involved might not choose to gossip or spread rumours, but her classmates will definitely know where she spend all her free time. they will probably soon be gossiping and speculating, Staff are already aware of the "chats". There is no way that you DP can keep control of this situation on his own once people start talking about him - because someone somewhere will be quick to assume the worst.

It's just occurred to me that if the staff know about the time he spends with this girl they will be less likely to want to be associated with him or help him in any way.

If I were you I would want out of the relationship.

You're carrying him.

op you seriously need to start preparing for the fact he may not be teaching for much longer

I was thinking the same as MrsCakes, the year group gossip will be rife and I would imagine that schools are currently terrified of any accusations of improper behaviour given recent court cases. Does he have a TA at all, they would usually be very aware of anything that is going on/could be misconstrued.
If he continues to receive inadequate, will he be placed into 'capability'? I'm not 100 % sure but I think that basically means a 6 weeks shape up or ship out scenario.
You might get more advice if you go to the education section and post in the staffroom x

Op do you still love and respect your DP? It sounds like its just a matter of time before he ends up dismissed. Personally I would be working out what you will do when this happens. You're worrying about the mortgage is your DP? He seems to be acting as if he's a passive player at work and not taking responsibility for his actions. If he's generally so passive do you want to be with him long term?

I would be open and honest about how his acting like he is e.g. ignoring warnings will impact your life and in turn your relationship.

Op how are you feeling today? Have you been able to speak to anyone?

Wow op. This is a hard one. I've never ever said this on mn before, but I think you should show him this thread. If you explain that you were worried about him but don't know school systems well enough that you asked here and then show him the advice given. All of your posts make it clear that you don't suspect him of anything untoward but that you're worried about him.

I'm a teacher and involved in mentoring pgces and nqts and the advice would definitely be door open, public area, conversation reported to cpo, but as a non teacher it's hard for you to say that without explaining about the thread.

And yes, if you want to guide him towards support, the staffroom on here is good and the tes forums have an awful design but lots of useful info.

He sounds in a state, and his behaviour seems very selfish and with the aim of saying 'oh everyone was nasty and I'm sooo wronged'. Ugh.

When is he going to think about you in all this? It sounds all about him and his needs, whilst you soldier on worrying about him, your relationship and your mortgage and future.

I spent all my lunchtimes in my form teachers room because I was being bullied. I certainly didn't stay after school though because I couldn't wait to get out of the place.

If she is being bullied it needs dealing with appropriately, and that is not informal chats with your DP.

He sounds like a man-child.

Any chance of an update Honey ?

Nothing has changed in 2 days, did you expect it to?

To me it sounds like he's feeling completely lost and out of his depth and is maybe struggling to make even the most basic decisions at work. If he had a sort of breakdown at Christmas, is feeling stressed and overwhelmed by work and is failing to change things even after being warned and advised then maybe he's suffering from work-related depression. A member of my family went through something similar, although in a different work environment. Obviously you know him O P and I don't so I could be barking up the wrong tree. But that's what came to mind when I read this thread.

Honey, people are trying to help you, so your most recent post seems a strange reaction to all the suggestions you've had on here.

You seem annoyed at people asking for updates, but that's just a way to get you to come back and respond.

If you're posting on someone's thread, trying to offer advice and support, it's nice to get a response of some sort, so you can tell if you're doing any good!

I didn't mean to sound rude, I was just confused, because to me an update would be a while after an event and like I said, nothing has changed in 2 days.

Sorry OP but never mind if that was my DH, if it was my 14 year old daughter I would be losing it, I don't care who says what - there is no reason to be doing this! It is so bizarre. If you are posting this in order to gauge if it's acceptable to go off on one. The answer is yes, I would be furious and demand that it stops. There is absolutely no reason for it. If there are issues at home then he has a duty to refer her to social services, quite frankly it's not his problem after a certain level. I don't believe this to be the case though, I don't know him or her, but men are a certain way and 14 year old girls are a certain way. An hour in the day AND evening. FFS if my husband had that amount of time for ANYONE (which he doesn't) then I'd expect it to be ME!! Sorry for the capitals :-/

from what you've told us I think there is a very obvious risk that it's not him propping her up but her being used to prop him up

girls of that age can develop a strong rescuer complex and if she feels that she is in any way responsible for him or that he needs her it may be very hard to back out

this will almost certainly damage her socially and may damage her emotionally, even if he never lays a finger on her

if she has problems or is depressed she needs to see a properly trained designated person- or at least somebody who is fairly well balanced himself

if he has problems or is depressed he needs to seek help from the adults around him

I'm amazed that a school would give an NQT the additional responsibility of being a form tutor. You would think they would let him find his feet first.

The thing is, we all have to do things at work that we don't agree with, but we do them because they are the rules. It smacks of total arrogance for an NQT to refuse to conform because they don't agree with the rules - especially rules which are in place to protect teachers from false accusations. It really does sound like he is in the wrong job. I'd be horrified to think any of my children were being taught by someone like this.

Does he not have a mentor/line manager that he could talk things through with and who might make him see sense?

I've never known an nqt not be a form tutor tbh.

If he has had inadequate in his lesson observations. He is unlikely to pass his nqt year. This year can never be retaken. My advice would be this:
Schools dislike failing nqts. Soooo I would suggest a meeting with the head re leaving.

Ask if he left without being 'failed' could he still have a reference?
I would then apply to a sixth form college with older students and in my experience far less pressure!

In every school I have worked in all nqts have been form tutors

I stand corrected - our school must be different.

sorry if this was my daughter i would be having a word and asking him to keep his distance but im overprotective as she was groomed by someone before and i don't think she has boundaries in her head yet (like other children do) and might read too much into a situation (or worryingly not enough)

he is being naive at best xx