To ask if you would find this odd

[honeystillfortea]

Teenage DD talking to her teacher for an hour after school every day plus every lunch time.

Surely the hour after school is used for staff meetings, prepping, following up emails etc. what time is he getting home fgs?

I hadn't thought about it being on the phone, I read the OP as being a face to face thing. But the phone doesn't change how I think about it though, apart from being more alarmed maybe because of the nature of the conversations being more private, less open/transparent, wondering why they had each others phone numbers etc.

Teachers have to be beyond reproach when it comes to child safety issues (or whatever they're called) he must know this.

How do you know he's talking to her for an hour after school

Are you sure he's not helping her catch up with work?

How did you find out OP?

Worra, I'm not exactly suspicious, I genuinely don't believe anything sexually untoward is going on. Although I am also conscious that whenever stuff like this happens everyone is so shocked and can't believe it. But for the record, I don't think it's that.

But I'm worried DP is going to get himself into a situation where he ends up in trouble through an accusation, I'm worried he isn't getting other important work done because of this girl (he is struggling and is on a warning) I'm worried that he seems so dopey about both these things.

An hour everyday after school and talking on the phone at lunchtime....I'd certainly would feel uncomfortable if that were my dp or dd....is it normal for pupils/students to talk on the phone at all....am I just really old??

Positive it isn't work. She doesn't take his subject.

Sadly, due to the distrust men are seen with these days, he is opening himself up for allegations and gossip that a female teacher tutoring a female student wouldn't have to deal with. Even if it is perfectly legitimate, then he needs to protect himself. I had a male colleague who was one of the best teachers I had ever come across leave the profession because a small child ran up and hugged him in the middle of the playground on the first day back after holidays and parental gossip turned it in to something unsavoury.

Who said they were talking on the phone?

How do they know each other then?

All I will say re him "not being like that" is that everyone said that about my teacher. Very geeky, seemingly transparent man who was described to me by many when I spoke about it in my late twenties as seeming "absolutely harmless" I don't think there's a "type" for this kind of thing.

No it's not on the phone it's in his classroom.

He had a sort of breakdown over Christmas, I was talking to him trying to find out what the problem was and he said overwhelmed with work, I said but you stay for hours after school and he said yes but only some of that's working, Im talking to (girls name) for about an hour after school and when I said well cant you do some work at lunch he said no (name) is talking to me.

I think it makes him feel he's doing good, like he's a popular teacher?

How did he react when you told him he needs to cool it OP?

He is her form tutor.

Oh my goodness, my honest reaction is no, that's not right. Where are the professional boundaries? if my 13 did this I would expect the teacher concerned to put a stop to it.
I'm not for a minute suggesting there is anything untoward but it shouldn't be encouraged.

So sorry Op wrong end of stick/thread with phone.

I can only refer you to my earlier post OP. Your DP should be safeguarding his own position. He may have no idea what is going on in the girl's mind; he is putting himself in a very dangerous situation. I think most parents, and teachers too for that matter, would find this inappropriate.

Is she quite a troubled girl?

Agent, he'd come home complaining he'd been told off for closing the door when she was in the room. He just accepted it but he does this a lot, like with housework, nods and agrees he needs to pull his weight more but then it never happens.

Somedizzywhore I did agree with that, but I was asked if I think anything inappropriate is happening and I can only give my opinion. I could be wrong.

I am terrified though he's going to get into trouble.

I don't know voyage

Another thought has just occurred to me. If the girl has problems, why is he not referring her to the Year Tutor ? In any school I've worked in that would be the appropriate route.

Hmm, there are places at DDs school where children can go if they're having a shit day/haven't got anyone to hang out with/want somewhere to feel safe, could he be part of that?

Is the situation the same now though, Christmas was two months ago, it was an offhand remark which could have been exaggerated in the telling/hearing and when he says it's every day he actually means it just feels like every day?

Has he seen the doctor or anyone about his breakdown?

OP No absolutely- I'm sure it's above board. I just thought it was worth mentioning that he was far from being the kind of guy you'd expect it of.

There are many reasons why he shouldn't be doing this- it isn't appropriate to develop an emotionally close bond with a pupil ; he is leaving himself open to accusations even if nothing is going on; he isn't completing his workload, and he is already on a warning. If he is already subject to capability procedures his HT would probably jump at the chance to get him out- there's no way he'd be supported through any accusations.

If he is her form tutor and she has problems which require this amount of time to solve then he should be escalating the issue immediately to his pastoral line manager (eg year head) and arranging counselling via school nurse/counsellor if at all possible.

No, it's still going on, because it comes up in sort of offhand conversations, like he said he'd been told off about having children in his classroom at break and he felt this was unfair as it was only one and when I asked it was the girl concerned. The area of the school he works in is meant to be out of bounds because of health and safety so DP is breaking the rules in the 1st place by having her in there. This is what's worrying, it doesn't seem to occur to him he could get in trouble.

Meanwhile selfishly I am so stressed, supporting DP and worrying about everything, we have a mortgage we can only pay with both of us working and DPs job is really hanging in the balance. Sorry if that sounds selfish.