to have expected my parents to buy me a house? Long and boring sorry!

[JealousAndUnreasonable]

Well not 'a' house, my house! Three years ago DH, I and our 3 DCs moved abroad to start a new life after DH was made redundant here. We sold our house and had enough equity for two year's rent and to buy furniture and a car as it was too expensive to take our stuff with us.

DH was on a work visa (went over and got a job before we went) and the plan was after two years we would apply for permanent residence and get a mortgage at which point I could work as well.

Anyway in brief, the house we found to rent was no longer available when we got out there as out paperwork took longer to go through than anticipated (we used a relocation agency which cost £££'s). When we got over there, DH had to start his job straight away and we just could not find another house to rent as there was literally nothing available in our price range except for a house literally right next to a lake which was not ideal for our 2 and 3 year olds!

We met a mortgage broker by chance one day who told us he could get us a mortgage which was something we had not considered as we were not permanent residents. After 4 weeks in a hotel room with 3 DC who were driving me nuts and no school for the eldest as we had no permanent address, we jumped at the chance and put most of our money down on a beautiful family house, mortgage was very affordable on the basis that DH would get paid his contracted salary and it was an upcoming area which the agent assured us would mean the house prices would rise quickly. All good up to now!

Two months later DH's car skidded on ice (very cold winter), he was lucky to be alive but had to take 4 months off work with his injuries with no sick pay as he did not qualify! I could not work due to our visas either. Not eligible for any benefits at all. We were literally living on credit cards and cereal (not the DCs). When DH went back to work, his employers changed his job so his pay was less and as he had no legal protection (not a citizen, new employee) we were buggered. Immediately we put the house on the market as we realised we were not going to cope financially and at least we could take the equity and just rent anything, even a cheap apartment.

House would not sell even when we lowered the price to below what we'd paid for it. The reason being that the government started a scheme to encourage people to build their own houses by releasing cheap land which was much cheaper than buying one that had already been built. I was basically phoning every mortgage company begging them to give us a bigger mortgage so we could release equity that way but again was refused due to residency and DH's lower wage. He could not change jobs due to his visa or take an extra job. We were completely trapped.

I did something I had never done before which was to ask my mother and stepfather for help. They had sold their house some years before and had the money from that in a savings account as they were living abroad in a house provided by my stepdad's job. They were planning on buying a house again in a few years but did not need that money at that time. Knowing this, I asked my mother if they would consider buying our house from us so we could release the equity to top up DH's wage until we were eligible for permanent residence and he could get a better job and so I could work. We would pay them rent (more than the interest they were getting from the bank account) and they would then either sell the house back to us taking any increase in value for themselves or we would try and sell it again giving them the increase in value. We would have got a solicitor to draw it up legally etc. I was not interested in taking money from them, just in salvaging the mess we were in.

They said NO. It was our problem to sort out. We continued for another 6 months hoping to sell, getting further behind with the mortgage, stress causing me panic attacks and eventually handed the house keys to the mortgage company and flew home using credit which we still have not paid off. The bank sold our house a few months later and we got a total of £4k back from a £50k investment (same house is now on the market for $100k than we bought it for!). We have no hope of ever raising enough money for a deposit to buy another house here as we are paying over £1k in rent!

My mother has recently told me that she has bailed my younger sister out to the tune of over £70k in paying off her debts, paying her rent, paying her DCs nursery fees and buying clothes and furniture for her. Sister has split up with the father of her DCs (although he still pays for them and has them on weekends) and she needed their help more than us apparently. She not bothered that my DCs were made homeless and we had to come back to the UK and lose everything.

AIBU to be furious about this?

[TwittyMcTwitterson]

Not read all the replies as so many but no you are not being unreasonable. If anything they were going to make money (rent more profit than savings interest/equity to them when sold)

You've had a tough time with finances and almost losing your husband.

At least u r on the road I repair now

[ComposHat]

Eve I would read the responses carefully this wasn't a terrible unforeseeable catastrophe, but the op living beyond her means, making rash decisions and then expecting oher parents to take on a colossal liability.

The op still hasn't explained

A) if this house was such a great opportunity, why it didn't sell at even a heavy discount and was eventually returned to the bank?


B) Why if the Canadian rental market was crying out for property like this, why didn't she rent ut out and move into a smaller rented apartment?

[HaroldLloyd]

OP it's a mixture of bad luck and bad decisions, IME.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing really, and of course you would have approached it differently had you known what was ahead.

And there isn't much point in people piling on here to tell you what you SHOULD have done, past is past.

I can understand why you felt hurt, but I do think it's a scary prospect for your parents to buy a house knowing your struggling to sell it, and you can't afford the mortgage. For all they knew the housing market could have worsened and this could have been very bad for them financially.

Also it must be gutting to see that they spent 70k on your sister. Perhaps this got paid over in bits and bobs rather than one huge lump. And it seems as you've been told you won't inherit equally this is something to do with more willingness to help your sister.

It's a lot of money to lose and you must be gutted, but you will get back there one day.

[springykyrie]

All rise for CompasHat!

We haven't read this thread carefully . Bad us

[ComposHat]

Kyrie, no it is just the op's subsequent responses make it clear that what on first read on the initial post sounds like a tale of misfortune was actually largely self inflicted and the product of shocking stupidity and crashing arrogance.

As Eve stated that she hadn't read the whole thread and was coming down very much in the op's favour she may change her mind after reading some of the op's later comments.

[TwittyMcTwitterson]

Perhaps I will have a read. Depends on time

OP could not plan for an accident like that tho? From what I read, of not for the accident everything would probably be ok?

[nooka]

The more I think about this thread the more I think that the OP and her dh were essentially sold a pup by their relocation person (who was probably an 'immigration consultant') and missold Canada as a huge exciting opportunity to have a better life without any words of caution. It certainly doesn't sound like they provided all the promised and sadly this is not unusual.

I don't understand why she wasn't issued a working visa on entry (pretty much always available for spouses of temporary workers) and I really really wonder how on earth they got a mortgage unless the builder was trying to offload properties that they knew were going to plunge in value and was tied into the broker somehow. Getting credit in Canada as a new arrival is hard - I've only just managed to get a credit card after five years!

Of course they couldn't have known that the dh would have an accident, and I have every sympathy on that front, but they were clearly very financially precarious to have got into so much trouble so quickly. As for the high spec house not being able to lose value, tell that to all the homeowners/housebuilders in the States during the credit crisis. It's got very little to do with house size/spec and everything to do with demand.

[springykyrie]

Shocking stupidity and crashing arrogance eh . Get over yourself Compas.

Take no notice OP.

[ComposHat]

Well kyrie, how would you describe what happened then?
The op isn't looking for a solution as the situation is a fait accompli. So there is nothing to ignore/take on board.

I get the impression that the thread was started so everyone could go 'oh poor op you have been atrociously treated by your wicked parents' and not everyone has taken that view.

[springykyrie]

I wouldn't be as seeringly judgemental about it, Compas. Makes me wonder if life has bashed you about enough. That tends to shut people up I find.

[ComposHat]

Oh it has kyrie. Don't you worry about that.

As an adult I took responsibility for actions and actually learned from my mistakes.

Things the op is unwilling or unable to do.

[springykyrie]

I suppose there are two ways we can go if we've been chewed up by life: judgemental or compassionate.

[ComposHat]

Oh give it a rest. The problem I have with the op is notthat she has made stupid mmistakes. We all have done.

But that she can't see where she went wrong or accept any degree of culpability in the Canadian debacle.

[springykyrie]

I think you've already made your opinions clear Compas. You have judged her and found her sorely wanting on all fronts according to your edict you. She is a dog in your eyes. Got that.

[ComposHat]

She is a dog in your eyes. Got that.


Don't put words in my mouth.

I think you've already made your opinions clear Compas.

Who died and made you the thread police?

[Joysmum]

Compos I completely agree. Those who take risks should be prepared that those risks won't always work out. Invariably they then expect those who have been more prudent to bail them out and still can't see how they could have played things safer or accept that they had done then they wouldn't be in the shit.

[maggiemight]

Favouritism by parents is shit - whatever age you are.

Poor OP will have debt liabilities for years to come. Not nice. Bad luck to blame as much as bad decisions.

[tb]

You and your DH are independent adults, it's just one of those things that life throws at you.

[LessMissAbs]

Well it their money OP but its a fair question to ask. I don't agree with treating siblings drastically differently when giving out money, but I think the fact you were abroad is the big difference here. Buying a property abroad isn't that attractive, and yours sounded difficult to sell and overpriced. Is there perhaps an element of punishment in this by your parents for going abroad and trying to live the dream, rather than grafting away, renting a small house or flat for a couple of years and so on?

The other differences I see between you and your sister is that your sister works, and you don't.

I don't know if this is relevant, but in your OP you have a tendency to gloss over quite serious things. Everything seems to be either lavish luxury or disaster, and there an awful lot of bad luck and poor financial planning in there but not a lot of grafting and making do with less. Is it the full story, or has there been a history of poor financial planning and inability to hold down jobs
or pay mortgage/rent which might explain your parents' attitude?

Perhaps too your parents are just fed up of having to bail out their adult children, and your stepdad continues to work for a reason. Also you recognise they have the money to buy themselves a house to live in themselves in a few years time, not to buy a risky investment in Canada that they have no connection with. What would they do if they had bought it and it didn't sell? Randomly go off and retire in Canada?