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AIBU?

to have expected my parents to buy me a house? Long and boring sorry!

219 replies

JealousAndUnreasonable · 08/02/2014 18:26

Well not 'a' house, my house! Three years ago DH, I and our 3 DCs moved abroad to start a new life after DH was made redundant here. We sold our house and had enough equity for two year's rent and to buy furniture and a car as it was too expensive to take our stuff with us.

DH was on a work visa (went over and got a job before we went) and the plan was after two years we would apply for permanent residence and get a mortgage at which point I could work as well.

Anyway in brief, the house we found to rent was no longer available when we got out there as out paperwork took longer to go through than anticipated (we used a relocation agency which cost £££'s). When we got over there, DH had to start his job straight away and we just could not find another house to rent as there was literally nothing available in our price range except for a house literally right next to a lake which was not ideal for our 2 and 3 year olds!

We met a mortgage broker by chance one day who told us he could get us a mortgage which was something we had not considered as we were not permanent residents. After 4 weeks in a hotel room with 3 DC who were driving me nuts and no school for the eldest as we had no permanent address, we jumped at the chance and put most of our money down on a beautiful family house, mortgage was very affordable on the basis that DH would get paid his contracted salary and it was an upcoming area which the agent assured us would mean the house prices would rise quickly. All good up to now!

Two months later DH's car skidded on ice (very cold winter), he was lucky to be alive but had to take 4 months off work with his injuries with no sick pay as he did not qualify! I could not work due to our visas either. Not eligible for any benefits at all. We were literally living on credit cards and cereal (not the DCs). When DH went back to work, his employers changed his job so his pay was less and as he had no legal protection (not a citizen, new employee) we were buggered. Immediately we put the house on the market as we realised we were not going to cope financially and at least we could take the equity and just rent anything, even a cheap apartment.

House would not sell even when we lowered the price to below what we'd paid for it. The reason being that the government started a scheme to encourage people to build their own houses by releasing cheap land which was much cheaper than buying one that had already been built. I was basically phoning every mortgage company begging them to give us a bigger mortgage so we could release equity that way but again was refused due to residency and DH's lower wage. He could not change jobs due to his visa or take an extra job. We were completely trapped.

I did something I had never done before which was to ask my mother and stepfather for help. They had sold their house some years before and had the money from that in a savings account as they were living abroad in a house provided by my stepdad's job. They were planning on buying a house again in a few years but did not need that money at that time. Knowing this, I asked my mother if they would consider buying our house from us so we could release the equity to top up DH's wage until we were eligible for permanent residence and he could get a better job and so I could work. We would pay them rent (more than the interest they were getting from the bank account) and they would then either sell the house back to us taking any increase in value for themselves or we would try and sell it again giving them the increase in value. We would have got a solicitor to draw it up legally etc. I was not interested in taking money from them, just in salvaging the mess we were in.

They said NO. It was our problem to sort out. We continued for another 6 months hoping to sell, getting further behind with the mortgage, stress causing me panic attacks and eventually handed the house keys to the mortgage company and flew home using credit which we still have not paid off. The bank sold our house a few months later and we got a total of £4k back from a £50k investment (same house is now on the market for $100k than we bought it for!). We have no hope of ever raising enough money for a deposit to buy another house here as we are paying over £1k in rent!

My mother has recently told me that she has bailed my younger sister out to the tune of over £70k in paying off her debts, paying her rent, paying her DCs nursery fees and buying clothes and furniture for her. Sister has split up with the father of her DCs (although he still pays for them and has them on weekends) and she needed their help more than us apparently. She not bothered that my DCs were made homeless and we had to come back to the UK and lose everything.

AIBU to be furious about this?

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OhTheDrama · 08/02/2014 19:42

YANBU in my opinion, your mother sounds like a cruel heartless woman IMO. I really don't know how you hold your tongue, I would have told her what I thought then cut contact. It doesn't sound like she is much of a mother to treat her children differently and stand by and watch you struggle in your darkest hour, knowing they had the means to help you.

Also the cheek of them expecting you to help them get into Canada and moaning that you can't help them now!!! I would pull her up on that every time she mentions it! She sounds selfish and toxic. Is your dad still on the scene, is that what could be their problem?