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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its NOT OK for you to replace OUR fence then tell us, when we can pay for it I am ALLOWED to paint it,

164 replies

IamSlave · 08/02/2014 10:50

Very nice neighbours ( or so I thought)want to get a smart new fence put in all down a long garden, this will be in different heights to what is there now.

Great..wow, amazing fences cost lots of money, they have a great workman doing it...BUT they have said they will not consider me painting it. They can see on the other side,all the fence is painted! I have said, I do not like bare wood. I said I would look into replacing a bit at the top...and then at least I can paint it.However I recoiled at the price of fencing, the current fence is cobbled together, but if they painted their side...you would never know! its up and its standing! Its not falling down!

They have come round this morning and basically said " WE are replacing the fence and if and when you can give us some money for it, you can paint it!"

We will never be able to pay for the fence they are putting in.

Am I b U to find this quite astonishing, that because new, is their taste,they are going on our boundary, taking our fence down - putting an expensive fence in then saying when we pay for it....I can paint it!

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 08/02/2014 10:53

If it's your boundary and you're happy with the existing fence, then tell them that no, they are mistaken, they are NOT pulling down your fence to replace it with one you don't like and if they are insistent on putting the fence in regardless they will need to put it in on their side of the existing fence.

DelGirl · 08/02/2014 10:53

I wouldn't have thought they could stop you painting it as its on your side. I assume it's their boundary fence and not yours?

LaurieFairyCake · 08/02/2014 10:54

You're problem is your letting them put it on your boundary. If you want to paint it you need your own fence.

It always leaks through - it's not compatible to have paint one side and stained wood the other.

Also as their paying for the whole thing it seems a small price to pay to not paint it.

edamsavestheday · 08/02/2014 10:54

bizarre. It's your fence on your title deeds? Tell them either a. get stuffed, it's our fence, if you take it down we'll do you for criminal damage or b. get stuffed, you have no right to stop us painting our side.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 08/02/2014 10:57

This reminds me of hiddenhome's epic fence wars threads. Have you got some red paint OP?

beluga425 · 08/02/2014 10:57

They should not be touching your fence.

DelGirl · 08/02/2014 10:57

If it's your fence that they want to replace but you're ok with the existing then tell them or they have to pay for it and you do have the right to paint it.

Original poster
IamSlave · 08/02/2014 10:58

Also as their paying for the whole thing it seems a small price to pay to not paint it

Perhaps, but as its my fence, and I find a natural wood look depressing, its actually quite a big deal to me.

My whole garden is all painted. It has a certain look.Its gorgeous, when I step outside I could be anywhere,anywhere but not in a boring town in a suburban garden, a huge expanse of un treated fence will make me depressed!

Also,you would think that paint leaks through, but actually on the other side where ahuge expanse is painted it hasnt leaked at all really, literally a tiny bit every four or so panels has come through.

OP posts:
Oldraver · 08/02/2014 10:59

If it is your fence on the boundary tell them they cannot remove it. If they want a fancy pants fence they they need to put the new one up on their side of the bounday...not remove yours.

They seem a little overbearing so think you may have to be be very firm with them. Put it in writing they are NOT to remove your fence

ladyquinoa · 08/02/2014 10:59

It's your fence, tell them they can't put a new one up.

Original poster
IamSlave · 08/02/2014 10:59

We have had massive neighbour problems on the other side in the past, I really dont want to fall out with my neighbours, just when the other side is sorted....

which makes it more delicate but on the other hand saying, we WILL take down your fence and we WILL put in a fence we know you dont like....isnt exactly nice is it.

OP posts:
insancerre · 08/02/2014 11:00

let them put the fence up and then paint your side
what can they do?

Rooners · 08/02/2014 11:03

This is difficult, and I don't know the answer.

We're moving soon and one side the fence is broken - massive hole, broken panel, fallen over panel.

Apparently the people next door are responsible for it. No one knows which child broke it. Next door won't replace it. Can we stick a new fence up inside of it, and leave it there like it is - or do we have to get them to fork out for a new one?

Also if they won't, can we make them? I need secure fencing for our pets (not dogs - rabbits!)

And if we put up a fence inside the boundary and they then remove theirs, what do we do?

Bit of a hijack but just adding some more questions I suppose.

Original poster
IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:03

I don't want to fall out with them...

otherwise shooting off, dont touch my fence missives would be easy.

they are a nice couple.

he said he has some extra cash at the moment and just wants his garden to look smart, which I totally understand...the fence in situ is cobbled together, but its doing its job.

Its putting thier needs and wants above ours and its our fence.

They are putting in higher fences, which at first I panicked about but then said dont worry about the height, put in whateever height you want...thinking that was the sticking point,then they said no painting.

they keep saying the fence has seen better days,

my whole house has seen better days, we paint over it! no one knows.

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 08/02/2014 11:04

They have 2 choices. They leave your fence alone and put theirs up on their side of the boundary next to it.

Or you will allow them to replace your fence with theirs on the condition you can paint it.

You are happy with the existing fence, which belongs to you, and they categorically do not have permission to remove your property unless they are happy for you to paint your side of the new fence.

Go and tell them this now op. Because if you let them do this because of a fear of a dispute neighbour relations will be ruined anyway as you will resent them every time you look at their fence.

Original poster
IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:05

rooners on the other side, the side which isnt ours we have had dodgy landlords who refused to replace fence so we just did it ourselves as safety issue really...there were rolling lodgers coming and going and no one cared if it was up down or round and round.

OP posts:
aquashiv · 08/02/2014 11:05

Personally if someone wanted to replace a not for purpose fence then crack on. Fences are expensive. Sounds like it's the way they are telling you rather than asking you if it's your boundary.
Fences do need to be treated but I can under stand them but wanting to paint it does bleed through.
Can u not agree a nice stain.

Failing that they put it up their side and you have the old one painted in your colour.

insancerre · 08/02/2014 11:05

then you have 3 choices
leave it as it is
paint it and risk falling out
put up your own fence next to theirs

FunkyBoldRibena · 08/02/2014 11:06

'If you want to pull down MY fence, on MY boundary and pop another up then I WILL be painting it. If you don't want me to paint it then don't pull down the existing fence. Hope that helps. NDN'

Finola1step · 08/02/2014 11:08

I'm confused. Is it their boundary fence? Is it on your side?

For example, my garden is one big square. Looking out from the back of my house, fence on the left is my boundary fence. Fence along end of garden is mine.

Fence on right side of garden is not mine and belongs to the neighbours. The whole of the fence belongs to them, even the side that looks out on to my garden. It is their responsibility to maintain said fence. All of this is very clear in the deeds and paperwork of the house when we bought.

So to decide if YABU or not, please tell us is the fence yours or theirs. If you do not know, then you need to find out. Boundary fences disputes are quite common.

Original poster
IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:09

I am a coward yellow.

We already had a bit of a ding dong at the door,my DH who has told me we cannot afford the fence, who has told me he doesn't believe me when our neighbour has mentioned over the years about the fence....

Who I have begged to go and sort out various bits...stood at the door nodding like the Churchill dog, at everything my neighbour was saying...so i had to step in, furious with my DH more than anything as I had warned him they would knock this morning and think what to say and so on....and I told our neighbour we are extremely short of cash and will not be able to give them money for the fence in the near future as my DH was implying by docile nodding and saying" yeah that all sounds ok"

I am so cross with my DH i have to dea lwith all neighbour problems, so I really dont want to go back and deal with this.which i know limits my options,

however i know their workman well,so perhaps I could talk to him.,

OP posts:
WelshMoth · 08/02/2014 11:10

Are you 100% certain that it's your boundary fence OP?

Make doubly sure first.

Original poster
IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:11

Is it their boundary fence? Is it on your side?

Its 100% our boundary fence.

OP posts:
MrsOakenshield · 08/02/2014 11:11

I'm a bit confused. It's your fence, as I understand it, therefore the upkeep of it and the cost of it are down to you.

Are you saying that you're happy for them to go to all the effort of replacing your fence, and you're happy for them to pay for your fence, but that now you want to paint it against their wishes? Sorry, but as you obviously haven't been bothered to replace it, and aren't paying for it, they can say what they like - your boundary but it's now their fence.

I can't understand why on earth you aren't paying for it - they arrange it and get it sorted, you pay for it (as it's your fence), then you can do what you like to it.

I suggest if you really want to get on with them you literally put your money where your mouth is and PAY FOR YOUR FENCE!!

winterhat · 08/02/2014 11:12

You need to make sure whose fence it is legally. It could be theirs, yours or joint ownership.