To think its NOT OK for you to replace OUR fence then tell us, when we can pay for it I am ALLOWED to paint it,

[IamSlave]

Very nice neighbours ( or so I thought)want to get a smart new fence put in all down a long garden, this will be in different heights to what is there now.

Great..wow, amazing fences cost lots of money, they have a great workman doing it...BUT they have said they will not consider me painting it. They can see on the other side,all the fence is painted! I have said, I do not like bare wood. I said I would look into replacing a bit at the top...and then at least I can paint it.However I recoiled at the price of fencing, the current fence is cobbled together, but if they painted their side...you would never know! its up and its standing! Its not falling down!

They have come round this morning and basically said " WE are replacing the fence and if and when you can give us some money for it, you can paint it!"

We will never be able to pay for the fence they are putting in.

Am I b U to find this quite astonishing, that because new, is their taste,they are going on our boundary, taking our fence down - putting an expensive fence in then saying when we pay for it....I can paint it!

[IamSlave]

I just feel awful, i am pathetic.

i feel bad by being ridden over rough shod but at the same time i feel bad for them...
I will never get anywhere in this world....

itwould help ifmy DH could start a dialogue with them and help.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I think you've got the wrong idea of compromise here.

From their perspective they think the fence looks crappy enough to replace so they're prepared to fork out thousands for it.

You think it's fine. It's your fence so you can say leave it, you can say 'put up a fence on your side if you want a spanking new one'

It does seem a step too far for them to fork out thousands and for you to then paint it.

Obviously I agree with you that painted is nicer but to them who are paying thousands they get to decide.

I wouldn't let them replace it if I wanted the painted look.

[CouthyMow]

Had this with my old neighbour, in a different way, she kept damaging my boundary fence by nailing heavy stuff to it . In the end, despite it being MY boundary fence, I put another one in on my side of the fence line. Made my garden about two inches smaller, but I had no choice as she was damaging my boundary fence but refused to allow it to be ripped up!

So the fences were back-to-backed.

[IamSlave]

couthy


the thing is if dont allow them to replace it - i will feel bad!


we have to see them every day.

as they go to work, when they come back, we cross paths twice or more a day and in summer.....even more in the gardens....

at least with a big tall fence i wont have to see them...

[wetaugust]

I think you're being totally unreasonable.

Everyone who owns a house knows that, one day, fences will need to be replaced.

You own the bounday and will still own the boundary regardless of who pays for the boundary fence. There is nothing to stop you agreeing with the neighbour that the neighbour has 'gifted' the new fence to you and therefore you can both paint whatever colours you like on either's side.

I really don't understand this preciousness about painting fences a particular colour. Why is colour more important than having a shiny new fence? Shiny new fences do weather down to a nice natural silver grey colour over time. We lived next door to a dickhead who painted his dark brown and it ran through onto or goldeb brown side but within a year os so, with weathering and with shrubs against it you could see his paint on our side.

You know that falling out with your neighbour over something as trivial as a new fence is not a good idea. One day there may be something that you need their cooperation for - so don't be surprised if the tell you to get stuffed if you ever need their help.

[diddl]

"the thing is if dont allow them to replace it - i will feel bad!"

Well that's just silly, as what they want isn't more important than what you want!

[Blu]

Suggest they can put up their fence on their side of the boundary and you can keep yours on yours.

Nothing you can do about the extra height of theirs though , and you would have no grounds to paint it.

[IamSlave]

I really don't understand this preciousness about painting fences a particular colour


Its intrinsic to my garden. Flowers look much more beautiful against a white or light coloured back ground, a natural wood does nothing.my DH has replaced the odd fence panel as and when its been needed.

[Oldraver]

You need to put it in writing that you do not want you fence removing, there are a few suggestions above as to how to word it...you dont have to go all guns blazing, ranting yet. Just be calm and polite.

[MrsKoala]

why would you feel bad? it's your property and a perfectly reasonable decision. Do you think everytime someone can't do what they want they get bitter over it and seethe with resentment? Because that's often not the case, they may say 'fair enough, your wall/garden' and do something else. People probably wouldn't spend this much time obsessing over something so trivial. And if they do it's their ulcer they will have to deal with. You are in control of how you feel. Reason with yourself that your choice is valid, then forget about it. Still smile and chat etc. Don't give this more power than it deserves.

[CouthyMow]

I don't think they get to decide at all, Laurie. It matters not whether they are paying thousands - it's the OP's fence. If they WANT a new one, they HAVE to agree terms with the person who owns the fence.

They do NOT get to decide and ride roughshod over the OP's wishes just because they are willing to pay to replace the fence!

If they want the fence replaced, to match THEIR tastes, they either have to agree to the OP painting that side of it, put the fence up INSIDE their garden back-to-back with the OP's, or they have to leave the existing fencing.

Those are the NDN's only LEGAL options.

And the NDN has NO legal right to replace the fencing and only allow the OP to treat HER boundary fence as she wishes on condition that the OP pays half the costs. That is blackmail and extortion!

The OP doesn't have the money. The NDN does. If the OP wants to refuse permission on the basis that the NDN won't allow her to treat HER OWN BOUNDARY FENCING (it's irrelevant WHO pays to replace it, it's STILL the OP's boundary fencing, and will belong to the OP...), then the OP is well within her legal rights!

[IamSlave]

"the thing is if dont allow them to replace it - i will feel bad!"

Well that's just silly, as what they want isn't more important than what you want!


I know, i feel pathetic. i tried to argue it last week and she was quite curt in her email back to me, I was just asking what fence heights where and so on....and that i wanted to paint it.

i was quite chatty....she wrote a curt email back....we have had such problems with the other side and i panicked and said - i am so sorry to have offeded you, please do what you want, as long as i can paint my side....just go ahead and do what you want.


Then she came back much friendlier and said...it was the painting that has stopped us in our tracks, beautiful new wood being painted. we couldn't allow it..

so I said,....oh, well I feel strongly about painting the fence. i do not like the look of new painted wood...let me look into it, and see if we can at least replace the top panel and i can paint it and we have paid for ut and you get your new panel.

that was last week and this morning they have just knocked to tell us they are going ahead with fence and when we give money we can paint it.

....all said in a nice way of course...

[whatever5]

If you want the fence to look a certain way or be a particular colour you will have to cough up and replace the fence yourself. You can tell your neighbours they can't replace the fence on your boundary but no doubt they will just put a fence next to your fence on their side.

[CouthyMow]

Why feel bad? It's YOUR boundary fence, EVEN if they pay to replace it...

They are trying to bully you into doing only what THEY want, only what suits THEM, with no compromise. Why allow that?!

Tbh, I'd paint it anyway - it's your boundary fence, and it doesn't matter who paid for the fencing, it automatically belongs to YOU if it is on the boundary line that comes with the deeds to your property...

[IamSlave]

mrsk

i dont know why but i find it hard to live like that, every time i see them in their garden i would feel guilty.

we have to see them all the time,she has been talking about this fence for three year.

i feel pressure having it hanging over me.

[PuppyMonkey]

They're not sounding very "nice" to me tbh.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I agree with your legal summary Couthy which is why I think she should keep her existing fence

But I do not agree she should paint it anyway, why piss them off?

[IamSlave]

I guess my other option is to buy bamboo screen and nail it up against their fence painted...

my issue with that is, one of our own panels has not been painted and it has never seem to have stuck well.

its also not cheap.

If i was foisting a wall or fence on people....I would compromise on what they want,esp if its THEIR boundary.

[CatAmongThePigeons]

Just say no. You don't want the fence so say no, they can put it over on their side.

Don't make it into more than it is.

[IamSlave]

From their point of view they are desperate for a new fence....so why not compromise and live or deal with any drips.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Also I don't think they are necessarily trying to bully you.

You're problem is that you're agreeing with them to replacing the fence. You need to not agree to it being replaced until you're both happy.

[wetaugust]

Jeez - well enjoy looking at your flowers against a light-coloured fence as it's so important to you. Just don't be surprised that realtionships with your neighbour deteriorate over it - which they sould as though they already have.

And don't forget that, should you ever want to sell your house you;ll need to disclose past disputes with your neighbours. That doesn't make potential buyers jump with joy.

And WTF are you doing emailing your next door neighbour anyway. Can't you sit down with a cup of tea nd thrash this out like grown-ups.

Pathetic!

[peggyundercrackers]

i agree with couthy - just grow a pair and tell them or tell our DH to grow a pair an tell them. your making a drama out of it... i wouldnt allow anyone to put a high fence blocking my view/light, that would be worse than what you have now.

[CouthyMow]

Tell the contractor that you do NOT give your permission to have YOUR boundary fence removed.

Then the neighbour will HAVE to talk to you.

I can see you aren't as forthright as I am, but you will need to be to get your fence painted!

Their wishes do NOT override your legal ownership of that boundary fencing.

PLEASE send an email stating that you do not give permission for YOUR boundary fencing to be removed UNLESS it is agreed in writing that you are able to paint your side of it. Also say that you are unable to financially bear the cost of replacing the fencing at this current time, and if they wish to pay to replace YOUR boundary fence, they are doing so in the knowledge that the fencing will be treated as a gift, as it is on your boundary line, and you will therefore be painting it as you wish, as it will automatically belong to YOU if it is placed on YOUR boundary line.

If they are unhappy with this outcome, then their remaining options are to either not replace the fencing at all, and if they remove your fencing without your agreement, which is dependent on being able to paint the fencing, OR to put up their fencing INSIDE their boundary line, back-to-back with your existing fencing.

PLEASE do not let them ruin what appears to be your sanctuary.

[IamSlave]

she emailed me ....to say...we would like to replace the fence , this height,that height and the other height.

i said - can you pop over and physical show me what you want becuase my brain stuggles putting things into place with words, i would like to see what you want to do....but all that sounds fine.


I said we were around all weekend and they didnt come round...then i got the short curt email,then i responder, then they knocked this am to tll us they are going ahead