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AIBU?

To think its NOT OK for you to replace OUR fence then tell us, when we can pay for it I am ALLOWED to paint it,

164 replies

IamSlave · 08/02/2014 10:50

Very nice neighbours ( or so I thought)want to get a smart new fence put in all down a long garden, this will be in different heights to what is there now.

Great..wow, amazing fences cost lots of money, they have a great workman doing it...BUT they have said they will not consider me painting it. They can see on the other side,all the fence is painted! I have said, I do not like bare wood. I said I would look into replacing a bit at the top...and then at least I can paint it.However I recoiled at the price of fencing, the current fence is cobbled together, but if they painted their side...you would never know! its up and its standing! Its not falling down!

They have come round this morning and basically said " WE are replacing the fence and if and when you can give us some money for it, you can paint it!"

We will never be able to pay for the fence they are putting in.

Am I b U to find this quite astonishing, that because new, is their taste,they are going on our boundary, taking our fence down - putting an expensive fence in then saying when we pay for it....I can paint it!

OP posts:

Report

DarlingGrace · 08/02/2014 11:13

My neighbour does this. TBH I just let him get on with it - he just keeps replacing MY fence - saved me thousands. I do get annoyed when he creosotes his side and it drips through to mine - but I just plant another tree - then he comes along and chops that down..... amuses me no end really

IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:13

I have told them that although one would think the paint comes through...on the other side it hasn't. BUt I don't think they have looked or want to look even.

I have the ability to see their taste and understand their taste....they do not seem to have the same ability, its put me in an akward situation.

OP posts:

IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:13

Its our fence.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2014 11:14

If the fence is yours you can refuse to have it taken down. If you agree and they pay for it or it is their boundary, I don't think you can paint it without their permission.

Your fence may look pretty your side, but ramshackle on theirs. So it's understandable they want to change it. Doesn't mean they can though. It is normal to do it as a shared cost where possible.

IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:15

darling

I wish I could be relaxed like you!

Its a very very long garden and this new fence will have a dramatic impact on the cosmetic look of it.

I am very aware and senstive to the look of our garden and painted fences is a big part of that, as there are so many of them as the garden is so long. A long orange horrid fence will look awful.

OP posts:

PuppyMonkey · 08/02/2014 11:16

If you struggle talking to them in person, could you email or at least write it all down in a note and outline your position?

Quinteszilla · 08/02/2014 11:17

Just go and knock and tell them:

"I have given this some thought. I do not allow you to pull down my fence, it is in perfect working order, and replace it, unless I am allowed to paint it. You have two choices:

You pull down my fence, replace it, and let me paint it
You put your fence next to mine.

Your choice"

Follow it up in writing.

IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:18

nanny i feel for them I DO !

I said to my DH its like us deciding we want a wall on the other side,the side which isn't our and saying " hi, x and Y we have decided we want a wall" they say, no its our boundary and we don't want a wall.

they come round and say " ok, a wall is fine but we want to paint our side"

we say "NO,you can paint it when you pay us back for putting in this wall"

which they didn't want and will never be able to pay for.

OP posts:

YellowDinosaur · 08/02/2014 11:18

Mrsoakenshield why should the op pay to replace a fence when she is happy with the existing one? Bollocks to that!

I can understand you don't want the confrontation but if you don't go and talk to them about it, when your dh has said it's fine, you can't complain when they get on and pull your fence down and replace it. And you can't talk to the workman. He is just doing his job for his client which is your neighbour. Not fair to drag him into it.

If you are not happy there really is no alternative other than talking to them about it now, before they spend any money and destroy your fence.

Give them the 2 alternatives in my earlier post. Put their fence on their boundary and leave yours alone. Or put their new one up and allow you to paint it.

FlatFacedArmy · 08/02/2014 11:19

Just email them or put a note through their door, saying

"Sorry, but having thought about it long and hard I'm really uncomfortable with an unpainted border to my garden. I much prefer the look as it is. If you don't wish me to paint your new fence, I can't in all conscience give permission for you to take down our current fence. If you do still want the new fence, go ahead as long as it is on your side of the boundary and the existing fence remains in place. I think that's a fair compromise, and you won't have to look at ours if you don't want to!

All the best

IA Slave"

alcazar · 08/02/2014 11:19

OP, what colour do you want to paint the fence? Could you not both sit down with a colour chart and mutually agree on a colour? Maybe you could offer to pay for and paint the fences on both sides. What is their reason for not wanting to paint the fences, will they not last longer if treated? I think they should have the final say, as they are paying.

alcazar · 08/02/2014 11:21

Second the email above!

IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:21

puppy
i wrote to them last week...saying do what you want ( height wise( but i want to paint it...

then she wrote back and said the painting part was the party they couldn't allow.so i said - let me look into replacing the top part and we will paint it and if it drips at least you havant paid for it.

nothing else until this morning we were told the top would be replaced and when we can give them money for it we can paint it.

I do feel like I am looking a gift horse in the mouth and i know its great they want to pay for it,.... why cant they just compromise and let me paint it,as it my fence whyt cant they....put something up to hide a drip, if a drip comes thorugh?

OP posts:

Quinteszilla · 08/02/2014 11:22

Yes, go with Flats note.

YellowDinosaur · 08/02/2014 11:22

Flatfacedarmy's note is perfect. Polite yet firm. Copy it out and put it through their door now. Far better if you could go round and say it imho, but if you don't feel able to send the note.

Quinteszilla · 08/02/2014 11:23

Email it also so you have a record.

aquashiv · 08/02/2014 11:23

Just say you want time to think about it. I would wait until the hurricanes are over.

YellowDinosaur · 08/02/2014 11:23

Cross posted and see you have written communicating already so sending the note would be fine.

diddl · 08/02/2014 11:23

Why paint, why not creosote?

SaltySeaBird · 08/02/2014 11:24

We had a flint brick wall covered in roses. We came home one night to find our neighbours had knocked it down, taken it away and replaced it with an open trellis fence as they wanted more light. It was our wall, on our boundary. They never asked permission.

We were furious and they quickly replaced the open trellis with a solid wood fence but it looks no where near as nice as the original wall. They are happy as their garden matches both sides now.

We could have pursued them for damages I think but DH decided that having civil relations was more important and wouldn't bring the roses back.

IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:25

alcazar

they have said they were shocked I wanted paint beautiful natural un treated fence wood.

They do not want their side painted, they like the orange look.so thats not an option,

We are really really short of cash, I am probably going to have to pull my DD out of ballett soon, due to cash flow,there is a whole list of other jobs to do before I give them any money for fence and painting.

painting is my cheap way of making old crap look fabulous. i cannot afford to paint their side too,painting ours will be a long paint can by paint can process.

OP posts:

SaltySeaBird · 08/02/2014 11:26

It was 9 years ago now, for what it's worth I regret not taking some sort of action. We do have honeysuckle and roses covering the fence now but it still isn't the same.

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IamSlave · 08/02/2014 11:26

salty

that is un belivable I would love a flint wall.

you have swallowed alot there.

OP posts:

clam · 08/02/2014 11:27

Well, it's your boundary, but actually, it'll be their fence. You really need to get this sorted before they go ahead and demolish what's there already, and bear in mind that any major falling out would have to be declared when moving house.

YellowDinosaur · 08/02/2014 11:27

Salty I feel angry myself reading your post! Bloody hell I don't know how you contained yourself!

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