To think its NOT OK for you to replace OUR fence then tell us, when we can pay for it I am ALLOWED to paint it,

[IamSlave]

Very nice neighbours ( or so I thought)want to get a smart new fence put in all down a long garden, this will be in different heights to what is there now.

Great..wow, amazing fences cost lots of money, they have a great workman doing it...BUT they have said they will not consider me painting it. They can see on the other side,all the fence is painted! I have said, I do not like bare wood. I said I would look into replacing a bit at the top...and then at least I can paint it.However I recoiled at the price of fencing, the current fence is cobbled together, but if they painted their side...you would never know! its up and its standing! Its not falling down!

They have come round this morning and basically said " WE are replacing the fence and if and when you can give us some money for it, you can paint it!"

We will never be able to pay for the fence they are putting in.

Am I b U to find this quite astonishing, that because new, is their taste,they are going on our boundary, taking our fence down - putting an expensive fence in then saying when we pay for it....I can paint it!

[CouthyMow]

Gardens are a very important sanctuary for some people, mine is. I also HATE the look of untainted fencing, and believe that white or a pale colour shows the brightness of the flowers far better.

I would NOT put up with anyone ruining the outdoor sanctuary I have created...

[CouthyMow]

Untainted = unpainted. Darn autocorrect!

[BarbaraWoodlouse]

I totally get that you don't want conflict. It's horrid and can consume you. BUT you have to do something or you'll end up with an unpainted fence you hate or a massive (possibly legal) issue if you go ahead and paint anyway. As I read it I think your neighbours have not been clearly told not to remove the existing fence. When it's down it's too late.

FlatfacedAmy's note is great and not at all combative. Seriously send it, or something similar NOW or you'll totally lose control of the situation.

Would suggest minor edit as below:
Sorry, but having thought about it long and hard I cannot agree to an unpainted border to my garden. If you don't wish me to paint your new fence, I can't in all conscience give permission for you to take down our current fence. If you do still want a new fence, go ahead as long as it is on your side of the boundary and the existing fence remains in place. I think that's a fair compromise.

[IamSlave]

couthy

I had a quick look a long time ago when were dealing with the side that is not ours and as far as I could gather if we replaced the other side ( not ours) we were technically,legally gifting them a fence it still belonged to them...


is this right, you seemed to have said this but do you have sound legal knowledge...

i agree with all you have siad and it is my sancutary i am a sahm at the moment and am in the garden lots over the summer...

[MrsKoala]

well then, Slave now the relationship will always be different. So you have to decide what you can live with. Is it better for them not to get their way and you feel bad - would you be able to enjoy your garden the same while torturing yourself? Or would you feel worse by having something in your garden you don't like and be a constant reminder you didn't assert yourself?

I think possibly painted bamboo may be the best option for you. If both of the above will happen then neither choice will make you happy. So maybe this third way will free you from your self inflicted torture.

[Viviennemary]

You are responsible for putting up and maintaining the fence but your neighbours have offered to do it. So it would be reasonable to do one of two things. Pay for and put up your own fence. Or let your neighbours pay the whole cost and let them choose the fence. You can't have it both ways.

[IamSlave]

Thanks for all your advice, if i was writing to the op i would be screaming at the screen, go and tell them stop, they don't care about you....

but its much harder when its you having to confront.

All of those will make me feel bad I feel they should compromise and allow me to paint it.

[FourFlapjacksPlease]

Just. Say. No. Seriously, it's your fence. I wouldn't want a ginat orange monstrosity in my garden either. They can put a fence on the other side of yours if they are so bothered. Go out there now and tell them!

[HorrorCow]

This is easy. Let them put up the fence they want. Get some cheap trellis, paint the trellis to match the rest of your garden and nail it all the way along. Then buy a ton of climbing plants. With a year, you won't even notice the unpainted wood and your garden will still look gorgeous. If you want to slightly pass them off, buy Virginia creeper!

We replaced the fences on both sides last year. For what it's worth, I would be massively passed off if one of the neighbours decided to paint their side. The wood is pressure treated, so doesn't need it for protection. The colour would definitely leak through, so I would them have to shell out a load of money and time to paint all our fences to hide the drips. Which would probably leak through to the other neighbour's side, forcing them to have to paint theirs too!

[MrsKoala]

But they are not going to offer you what you want. So you need to deal with what is possible. Don't sit there like a martyr hoping people will concede - why should they? you've essentially put up a weak defence then caved. They probably feel you can't be that bothered by it, if you caved so easily.

You need to practically decide what outcome you can live with and then enforce it. Knowing you are responsible for your own happiness not them.

[IamSlave]

I dont really have any money to buy more plants I have all my seeds ( sweet pea etc,sunflowers) brought in last years sale. I told myself no more flowers this year...( i usually buy heavily reduced plants and bring them back to life).

Even trellis are not cheap we are talking very long gardens....30ft.

MrsK you have it all spot on.

I would only say that I have put up a defence in that i said in my last email that a painted fence is as important to me as an un painted one to them.

[IamSlave]

horror

I totally understand they are worried about paint drip and they want to pay and so on.

But if this was me dealing with my neighbours , talking about their boundary fence I would also be more willing to compromise and understand that they do not like my taste and I do not like theirs....and it was after all not my boundary and that whilst I am offering them a nice new fence, they don't necessary want one and they want it to look how they want it to look.

[paxtecum]

The obvious compromise is for them to put their fence next to your fence.

Then you are both happy. (ish).

BUT you do need to get round there and SAY that.

Take some deep breaths and DO it NOW.

Best wishes to you.

[IamSlave]

Yes I am here taking deep breaths working up to it!

working up to something.

[IamSlave]

paxetum but they wanta much higher fence than that already there so i would have lots of organe wood coming over mine...

but perhaps that would be better

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Tbh, if she is sending you curt emails, and not taking you up on your offer of a face-to-face discussion, it sounds as if she isn't bothered about good relations with you - so you can stop worrying about good relations with them, I think.

There have been a couple of good emails on this thread, saying that you don't give permission for your fence to be taken down - copy and paste one of those, edit it with your names and theirs, and then put it through their door.

Bottom line, it is your fence, your property, and your decision.

And I don't think they can stop you painting it once it is up - I remember other threads where neighbours have painted their side of the fence that belonged to the other party, and there's been nothing the owner of the fence could do.

[DitsyDonkey]

I'm mean this nicely, but it seems that all your going to do is talk about it here and not actually ever do anything about it.

If you are not happy with the situation just tell them NO! They can go ahead and put up a fence on their side but leave your fence remaining.

But if all you do is moan, and disregard everyone's suggestion on here then you will end up with the ugly fence.

Just for the sake of a moments awkwardness you will have to put up with years of looking out onto ugliness!!!! You don't even have to face them, email them!

Come in grow a pair

And I would like to reiterate I mean all of that nicely, I couldn't bare to see them getting their own way. They don't seem to care about your feelings or preferences why are you worried about theirs

[TiggyOBE]

Just say you want to keep your fence. A brief note. Then you get to keep your fence. If you're really so meek that you have to go along with anything that people say they want to do, you're going to have to put up with the new fence.

If you say no and they do it anyway, that'll be criminal damage. You should get a new fence out of it and can paint it how you like.

[TiggyOBE]

And if they put up a fence that shows over the top of your fence, tough. You can do what you want with your fence and they can do what they want with their fence.

[wetaugust]

Oh I remeber now. Weren't you on last weekend about this same fence. Are you the one where the other neighbour installed some decking without your agreement?

[IsaacHuntyChops]

I agree with the others, tell her she can put up what fence she likes but on their own boundary and leave your fence in situ.

We replaced our boundary fence last May and I wouldn't give two hoots if my neighbours wanted to paint their side.