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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pay the live in nanny/au pair this salary.

372 replies

SpagBolgs · 07/02/2014 17:56

£300 a week for 7:30AM-5PM 5 times a week sometimes it may be a bit more. Then give her some money so she can treat herself. She will stay in our house and she get the chance to go to college/university. We will provide her with food, water a shower and internet. She will be treated like a member of the family and will be able to access the family car.

OP posts:
Unexpected · 07/02/2014 22:50

X-post. She is Eastern European, all becomes clear.

Bornin1984 · 07/02/2014 22:50

Have u employed her as a nanny or au pair?

Bogeyface · 07/02/2014 22:51

How much would you say is acceptable because i think £300-400 a week is suitable. She will also get many benefits and DC are no trouble.

If that was true, you would be looking after them yourself and not paying someone else a frankly insulting wage to do it.

I have 6 DC, live in the boring Midlands and know no one with a nanny. I would expect to pay waaaaaay more than you are offering. Funny that you would probably tell people that your DC are the most important thing in your life, yet you are trying to get the cheapest deal possible on their care. You get what you pay for, which wont affect you but will make your childrens lives horrible. Sorry, horriblER.

starlight1234 · 07/02/2014 22:51

I get paid more than that for one child as a CM for less hours although obviously pay my own rent , bills etc...

Do you think this woman is going to be any good? if not why are you employing her?

Is she none British? as it all sounds odd to me?

I can't for the life of me see why anyone would look after 5 children without a salary agreed....Why don't you ask how much she expects to earn?

You can pay peanuts if she accepts them , that is your choice but don't expect her to be loyal for long

Bogeyface · 07/02/2014 22:52

Have u employed her as a nanny or au pair?

Employed her as an Au Pair but expects Nanny level duties probably, its a common thing :(

Original poster
SpagBolgs · 07/02/2014 22:53

She will get many benefits with us.
She will be able to use the family car
Has her own room
Go out on family trips and meals with us
Eat dinner with us
If she does well will book a plane ticket for her to see her family
She wont work during holidays and still be paid
She can become my friend
Has assess to family gym membership and hairdressers/spa
Will go on some family holiday with us

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 07/02/2014 22:54

"We have checked her and everything"

what for? wits?

seriously- what do you mean you checked her? did you get her through an agency? no did you get references from her previous family/ies? did you ask what she was paid previously and what her experience was?

Unexpected · 07/02/2014 22:54

Ah yes, Dubai - with its excellent record of treating foreign workers well. If you are basing your employment practices on what you have experienced there, I hope your work is very flexible because you will be constantly recruiting one badly-paid nanny after another.

giggleshizz · 07/02/2014 22:55

Finding this thread very disconcerting. OP you seem to be skirting around the subject and avoiding some very valid questions from other posters. in addition you don't appear to be taking anyone's advice onboard .

seriously you are willing to leave your 5 most precious things in the world to someone who was willing to work for 200? Something here feels very off.

starlight1234 · 07/02/2014 22:55

ooooh it becomes clear....the reason employment is so high is this country ...I have nothing else to add..

Bornin1984 · 07/02/2014 22:56

Benefits should not include her own room. That should be a given !!! Also if she accompanies u on holiday the. U will have to pay her accordingly!

And why the FCk would she want to be ur friend when you are treating her as a slave

wyldchyld · 07/02/2014 22:57

£200 a week to look after FIVE children for 50 hours per week? That's ridiculous. Either she's doing something massively illegal or not qualified or lying to you about her experience to consider anything that absurdly low. And for you to even pose that figure as "acceptable" is disgusting.

On the basis of the working out of a pp about how much it would cost you, she is saving you nearly a thousand pounds per week. I'd be looking to pay circa £450, £500 NET minimum. Plus an agreed structure as to her exact duties, responsibilities, days off, holiday etc. Which the impression from your attitude says that it won't be there and she may well end up getting "oh, can you just stay an extra twenty minutes" etc.

PatriciaHolm · 07/02/2014 22:57

She can become my friend

hahahahah! Poor girl.
Her own room. eating with you, the car, paid holidays aren't "benefits' they are standard expectations of this sort of live in role. The rest of it sounds as if you want her to be on duty all the time (family trips, holidays) so they won't be holidays for her.

You have middle eastern expectations of slave labour. You aren't in Dubai or Shanghai.

Grennie · 07/02/2014 22:57

Going on a family holiday is not a perk as I assume you will want her to look after the children? You are her employer, not a friend. An employer who wants to be a friend sounds a difficult situation.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 07/02/2014 22:57

"She can become my friend"

Paaaahhhhhhhaaahaaaahaaaa! Grin

oh that lucky LUCKY girl. can I be her? pleeeease!

Original poster
SpagBolgs · 07/02/2014 22:58

She has been CRB checked and we have seen her CV. Friends of mine have used her before and have told us she was great and their DC loved the nanny.

OP posts:
giggleshizz · 07/02/2014 22:59

Sorry but one of the perks is to be your friend ? cradles head in hands

Bogeyface · 07/02/2014 22:59

She will be able to use the family car - when you are not using it, and presumably so she can ferry YOUR DC about
Has her own room - Thats not a benefit, that is expected. If you cant offer private accomodation then any decent nanny wouldnt even consider you
Go out on family trips and meals with us - you are assuming that she wants to, why on earth is getting to spend time with her employers a "benefit"?
Eat dinner with us - again, perhaps she wont want to. You seem to think an awful lot of yourself!
If she does well will book a plane ticket for her to see her family - Wow, how generous. If you paid her a decent wage then she could buy her own ticket.
She wont work during holidays and still be paid - who's holidays? If it is yours then that is the norm too.
She can become my friend - FUCK OFF!!!!!! :O:O:O:O:O That is a benefit?! HA!
Has assess to family gym membership and hairdressers/spa - Access dear, ACCESS.
Will go on some family holiday with us - As I said before, you are assuming that she wants to, why on earth is getting to spend time with her employers a "benefit"?

Nah, not buying this. this HAS to be a wind up!

Bornin1984 · 07/02/2014 22:59

Op: am I being unreasonable?

Mn: yes

Op: well I don't care she was originally on 200 a week

Mn: you treating her awfully

Op: so what!

Pigeonhouse · 07/02/2014 22:59

I knew she wasn't British, and that you had at least some experience of hiring domestic help in expat-heavy societies like Dubai.

Yes, in Dubai (where I had the misfortune to live), what you are suggesting would be perfectly acceptable, because the labour laws do not apply to the cheap imported domestic labour imported en masse by exploitative agencies from Sri Lank and the Philippines. They have limited rights, almost no legal protection, are often supporting extended families at home on tiny wages, and are highly vulnerable to abuse and exploitation. In Dubai, the employer is the maid's visa sponsor, she hasn't the right to leave mid-contract for a new job with better conditions, and the employer has the right to keep their maid's passport in case she absconds. Some of the women still live in little rooms like large dog kennels in the garden of their employer's houses.

Please tell me this is not the context against which you are employing this unfortunate woman.

Unexpected · 07/02/2014 22:59

OP, you seem to have NO idea of the difference between an aupair and a nanny. A nanny does not see becoming your friend as a benefit of the job, having looked after your children for 5 days I doubt very much she wants to accompany you on family outings. These might be things of interest to an aupair but then an aupair would be doing childcare and light housework for 25 hours per week, not five full days including with pre-schoolers!

How kind of you to pay her during holidays! You do know that she is entitled to 5.6 weeks paid holidays don't you? This is not a benefit, it's a right.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 07/02/2014 23:00

"She will be able to use the family car

Go out on family trips and meals with us
Eat dinner with us

Will go on some family holiday with us"

these are benefits for YOU! this is so you and DH will have on hand childcare while out for dinner, eating dinner at home, out on trips and on holiday. you are fooling no-one except this poor girl.

Chippednailvarnish · 07/02/2014 23:00

she will get many benefits with us. You haven't been able to name a single one yet.

she will be able to use the family car When you and your Dh aren't using it

has her own room Who doesn't have their own room?!?!

go out on family trips and meals with us Why on earth would she want to go out for trips and meals with her boss and their kids?!?

eat dinner with us I bet you expect her to cook it first

if she does well will book a plane ticket for her to see her family But you won't put that in her contract in case she holds you to it

she wont work during holidays and still be paid wow, holiday pay. Oh wait EVERYONE gets holiday pay

she can become my friend Poor bitch

has assess to family gym membership and hairdressers/spa I doubt if you're paying for them

will go on some family holiday with us Why is the idea of looking after your own DC just too much for you to bare?

I confess I fell for this in the beginning, but this is clearly a wind up.

Wantsunshine · 07/02/2014 23:00

Her own room is not a perk
You going on holiday and dragging her with you is not a perk

wyldchyld · 07/02/2014 23:01

She will be able to use the family car - To drive DCs about and only when it suits you and you don't need it? And when she pays for petrol?
Has her own room - oh, that's good, she doesn't need to bunk in with the kiddies
Go out on family trips and meals with us - where she will be expected to watch the children
Eat dinner with us - ditto
If she does well will book a plane ticket for her to see her family - oh, how kind! That's what you pay her a LIVING wage to be able to afford to do!
She wont work during holidays and still be paid - duh, holiday time is exactly that. Paid but not at work. You cannot make her work in her holiday time!!!
She can become my friend - no she can't. You are her employer. She is your employee. You will never be "friends" in the true sense of the word as it is an unequal relationship throughout
Has assess to family gym membership and hairdressers/spa - which she will pay for herself out of her WAGES!! You don't expect us to believe you'll pay for the nanny to have her hair cut?!
Will go on some family holiday with us - when she will be expected to watch the DCs 24/7...

Wow, amazing benefits.....

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