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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the MIL to visit our newborn straight away?

665 replies

floppops · 04/02/2014 14:37

Our second DC is due in a few weeks.
When our first was born I had a very traumatic birth and was discharged the next day when I wasn't really well enough..
My MIL was on her way to see the baby within hours of DD being born ( 2 hour car journey for her). She got my husband in a right flap with constant phone calls and arranging of times,parking arrangements etc. It really wound him up and he went off at me. She arrived - opened a bottle of wine, drank it with my husband and left quite quickly after photos and holding the baby. Didn't help in any way.
I would really like a couple of days with first DD and baby at home to settle in before visitors this time. I'm a having a csection on a Monday and was thinking of telling MIL that the weekend should be ok for a visit?
But my husband thinks this is unreasonable and she should come when she likes. He refuses to support me. So I'm thinking I will have to tell her beforehand. Just worried she'll see that as confrontational or worse disregard my wishes and come anyway...

OP posts:
RainYourRottingMyDhaliaBulbs · 04/02/2014 21:59

I feel so sad that some posters on here are so un sympathetic to new mothers.

Bowlersarm · 04/02/2014 21:59

Oops xpost, too slow, (trying to watch Births, Deaths and Marriages at same time as MNing - anyone watching?)

RainYourRottingMyDhaliaBulbs · 04/02/2014 21:59
Sad
HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 21:59

And we don't even know yet if she will have a cob on about not going to the hospital.

She might say, you know what I'd find that easier, you know what a silly I am with directions.

Or something.

squoosh · 04/02/2014 21:59

It's okay you'll find her in the off licence buying the Lambrini.

SaucyJack · 04/02/2014 22:00

AFAIC it doesn't really matter that I'm not as close to my MIL as my own mum.

It's DP and his new baby they want to see- not me. I deal with that quite happily.

IneedAsockamnesty · 04/02/2014 22:00

Trampled.

So why is it an issue for her to do that when the baby is 3 days old?

Mintyy · 04/02/2014 22:01

Oh dear Leepytime, for some reason your entire post makes me want to puke.

OneStepForwardTwoBack · 04/02/2014 22:03

It's not a competition between the grans though is it? But if mum or mil behave like overgrown toddlers stamping their feet and demanding to see the baby straight away that is going to stress the mum out. Tbh my mum is just as bad, she had a mix of girls and boys and enjoys lording it over "mothers of sons". She was just as much a pain as mil was when my first baby was born lol.

HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 22:03

Rain for gods sake GET A GRIP MAN.

We are only discussing the merits of a family visit.

LeepyTime · 04/02/2014 22:04

Sorry Mintyy - maybe get a bucket then.

TrampledUnderfoot · 04/02/2014 22:04

She might be excited or summat, or want to see her son.

TaraLott · 04/02/2014 22:04

In like Flynn I was, DiL had our VPFBGD last December (In the morning)and we were all invited to the hospital that evening.
We includes me and DH and DiLs Dad and his wife, we stayed a short while and got chucked out at chucking out time, I am so pleased to have seen her on her first day, nothing beats it.
DS was as proud as punch and DiL was quite happy for us all to have a hold and a cuddle.
I get that nothing beats your Mum but we're the Dad's Mum and Dad and love them all equally.

remotecontrols · 04/02/2014 22:04

No stress needed if MIL gets taxi paid by DH and she is given dozens of copies of visiting hours and other hospital info

Real shame that your DH is like this though. It would be good if this issue was addressed really

Bowlersarm · 04/02/2014 22:05

Exactly SaucyJack I hope my DSes have thejr dc with women who have your lovely generous nature.

RainYourRottingMyDhaliaBulbs · 04/02/2014 22:06

Grin @sqoosh

IneedAsockamnesty · 04/02/2014 22:06

She could visit him the day before the op goes to hospital or any time he's at home whist she's still there

YouTheCat · 04/02/2014 22:07

Okay then, I have a question for any grandparents. If your dd/dil expressed that she needed a break/rest/wanted some space/was in pain whilst you were visiting, would you respect that and leave?

JassyRadlett · 04/02/2014 22:08

Yes, actually, anyone disappearing off with my newborn after a traumatic birth during which he nearly died, at a time when I was struggling to establish breast feeding, unless I had explicitly asked them to do so, would be taking a fucking liberty and would have felt totally nightmarish.

And I think the comments suggesting that it's entirely reasonable to remove a newborn from its mother for hours without permission marked the moment where the pro-MILs-at-any-price brigade crossed over into pure parody.

(That, and the bit where a poster suggested that, because she's the mother of one of the couple, she should be able to come and go in their home as she pleases.)

TrampledUnderfoot · 04/02/2014 22:09

He might be proud of his new child and want to share that with his mother.

On the day , not 3 days later.

Bowlersarm · 04/02/2014 22:09

Jassy who said it was ok for someone to disappear with a newborn?

YouTheCat · 04/02/2014 22:10

And the OP might be knackered and in pain and want some peace.

HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 22:10

Are we reading the same thread jassy? Who is advocating running off with the newborns.

This thread is getting daft.

TrampledUnderfoot · 04/02/2014 22:10

It was parody.

JassyRadlett · 04/02/2014 22:11

Must have misread, then, sorry - but it's hard to tell on this thread tbh...