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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the MIL to visit our newborn straight away?

665 replies

floppops · 04/02/2014 14:37

Our second DC is due in a few weeks.
When our first was born I had a very traumatic birth and was discharged the next day when I wasn't really well enough..
My MIL was on her way to see the baby within hours of DD being born ( 2 hour car journey for her). She got my husband in a right flap with constant phone calls and arranging of times,parking arrangements etc. It really wound him up and he went off at me. She arrived - opened a bottle of wine, drank it with my husband and left quite quickly after photos and holding the baby. Didn't help in any way.
I would really like a couple of days with first DD and baby at home to settle in before visitors this time. I'm a having a csection on a Monday and was thinking of telling MIL that the weekend should be ok for a visit?
But my husband thinks this is unreasonable and she should come when she likes. He refuses to support me. So I'm thinking I will have to tell her beforehand. Just worried she'll see that as confrontational or worse disregard my wishes and come anyway...

OP posts:
RainYourRottingMyDhaliaBulbs · 04/02/2014 20:34

pimpf

why is that so difficult to get?

I think we are getting a good insight here into why these MIL behaviours happen.

Bowlersarm · 04/02/2014 20:34

FunLovin

Are you going to end your next post gavel!

HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 20:35

Rain, I see nothing to suggest that there are any specific issues with this woman.

So I am answering accordingly.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 04/02/2014 20:35

Real barrel loads of crap. How...

bohemian Grin

I'll get off the thread now - too silly.

All the very best with you new baby OP

FunLovinBunster · 04/02/2014 20:36

GAVEL!!

BrandNewIggi · 04/02/2014 20:36

I have boys. I am not worried by this thread at all. I have a long memory and will do my best to, firstly, find out the wishes of any future dil I may have, and secondly, respect them.

Bowlersarm · 04/02/2014 20:37
Grin
HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 20:38

Why yes, and never ask can you visit them in hospital because that's just weird isn't it.

You will probably just get a thread started saying moan moan my MIL hasn't been to visit me in hospital you know.

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 04/02/2014 20:38

Oo hope I get lots of visitors. Inc MIL and GMIL I hope they will bear with me whilst I am waving my mangled nips about and puking from the drugs and got a bag of wee dangling off the bed. Provided they are ok with that, then so am I!

TrampledUnderfoot · 04/02/2014 20:39

Wanting to see your new born grandchild and asking for directions are not unreasonable demands.

HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 20:39

Optimistic aren't you?

TrampledUnderfoot · 04/02/2014 20:40

I will just tell my boy never to have children with a mnetter.

DameFanny · 04/02/2014 20:40

If your H reacts that badly to stress floppops is he going to cope with being in theatre for the birth?

I do think at the very least you should let the midwife know that you know he's a dick so that he or she can bustle H away if H starts on at you - yes?

Pimpf · 04/02/2014 20:41

Yes rain we are, In this case it's down to the mil and the son not respecting the ops wishes.

As I've said there are many other thread where I believe the mil has done nothing wrong and there is a lot of mil bashing, not so in this instance.

If it were a case she wanted to stop by and see the new baby, great, but that isn't what happened last time and the op has no reason to believe that this time will be any different.

Why does the mil wishes and needs overrule the mum ?

HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 20:41

Me too, first question I will ask. Grin

Pimpf · 04/02/2014 20:42

Trampled - or you could just be a reasonable person who thinks of others needs before your own

wishful75 · 04/02/2014 20:43

Its not unreasonable for someone who has just given birth and is recovering from major surgery to want some peace and recouperation. Trumps anything else in my book.

HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 20:43

Last time mil came,

Flapped a bit

Drank some wine

Stayed 2 hours

Had a photo

Left.

Am I missing the bit when she tried to steal the baby for her reborn collection?

WHAT DID SHE DO.

BrandNewIggi · 04/02/2014 20:44

Trampled - most of us weren't mumsnetters before we had dcs! There will be no way for you to tell - even if he'd listen!

TrampledUnderfoot · 04/02/2014 20:44

I will drop MN hints, if his GF responds in a MN way. I will do my best to put him off her.

HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 20:44

Why not ask on the second date how long you will have to wait to see the baby?

That should do it. Grin

RainYourRottingMyDhaliaBulbs · 04/02/2014 20:45

Why yes, and never ask can you visit them in hospital because that's just weird isn't it

Ask but expect to be told no esp if your son will verbally abuse the mother of his baby just after birth because you put him under so much pressure.

FunLovinBunster · 04/02/2014 20:45

Flapped a bit. Drank wine. Stayed 2 hours. Did nothing to help new mum.
Yeah I'd be thrilled at this. Especially if my MiL and DP had a piss up.

HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 20:46

No, that's not right at all.

It's not her fault he did that. It was HIS fault.

Nor did she start World War Two.

HaroldLloyd · 04/02/2014 20:47

Piss up.

One bottle of wine?

Don't think so

GAVEL