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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect oh to leave the country for work?

274 replies

Gangie · 04/02/2014 07:52

Job offer yesterday. It's in Scotland ( we are in Ireland) it's not in his actual field but similar. The pay is not great, we prob would not be any better off than we are at the moment ( on benefits though Confused)

I want him to go because it's a job and it's easier to find work when you are working. He doesn't want to take it as he will be away from us (2 kids 3, 1) and not gaining anything ie. money, experience.

Currently not talking after huge argument. Its 4years since he has had full time permanent work. He has had sporadic work throughout this time and works hard and long hours when it's there.

OP posts:
Pigletin · 04/02/2014 10:40

mrsjay

www.google.co.uk/maps/preview/place/cork+ireland/@53.0866195,-7.9466926,7z/data=!4m2!3m1!1s0x4844900891beb961:0xa00c7a99731c5d0

LadyInDisguise · 04/02/2014 10:41

How long is this temp job? A few months? A year?

You need to weight what this job will bring you and what are the issues that come with it.
In my book, being away for a 3~4 months for a job is ok even if you don't come back home. If he is away for 6 months +, then you have too look at when/how he found come back home.
If it's a temp job for 9~12 months or over then I would look at moving altogether if you think that opportunities are better in Scotland than in Ireland.

Btw sorry about the mix if country I was convinced you were in Northern Ireland. Not sure why though....

MothratheMighty · 04/02/2014 10:42

Now you really know where it is! Grin
A long way from Scotland.

mrsjay · 04/02/2014 10:44

thank you i just didnt know if it was in NI or ireland

Binkyridesagain · 04/02/2014 10:45

Where do people get these ideas Some companies do offer some of these extras, or they can be negotiated.

WilsonFrickett · 04/02/2014 10:46

It is a loooong way from Scotland and not at all weekend-commutable unless you get paid flights, which sounds unlikely.

OP, where about in Scotland? (roughly, obv don't want you to out yourself) - understanding what kind of opportunities are there might help you decide if it's worth everyone moving.

redshifter · 04/02/2014 10:46

This doesn't happen even in highly paid jobs. Where do people get these ideas??

I know. This thinking is laughable. What world do these people live? Not the real one.
Some people have know idea. FFS

Binkyridesagain · 04/02/2014 10:47

It does happen.

MinesAPintOfTea · 04/02/2014 10:49

It happens in industries which have a real problem with there not being the right skills in the right geographical area. Given this company is recruiting internationally its not laughable that they might be doing so.

mrsjay · 04/02/2014 10:49

my dh was looking to relocate I wasn't going to go for a while the compant was going to pay to relocate and it wasn't a very high paid job so it can happen although it was just moving costsand a few weeks rent iyswim,

after seeing where cork is there is no way your husband will be able to pop back and forward every weekend it would be a nightmare he would finish a friday have to get to the ferry and be back sunday night

MothratheMighty · 04/02/2014 10:50

The other thing to consider is how strong your marriage is. My father was posted overseas and unaccompanied a lot, and I have several relatives in jobs that take them away from their families for monts at a time.
They all have very strong relationships, but I aqlso know dozens of others that haven't sirvived an extended separation.

WilsonFrickett · 04/02/2014 10:51

It does happen. DH has had all his travel and accom funded for many contracts, including one in Dublin as it goes.

But I suspect it won't happen here...

MothratheMighty · 04/02/2014 10:51

He'd have to fly to make weekends viable mrsjay.

mrsjay · 04/02/2014 10:51

No by the sounds of it they wont be paying for him to live elsewhere

Pigletin · 04/02/2014 10:52

Binkyridesagain I wouldn't mention such benefits unless this was common practice. To be able to negotiate this you have to offer some pretty special skills. And if OP's husband did have such special skills, I doubt he would not have been bale to find a full time job in 4 years. I think it's all nice and good to offer ideas, but they have to be realistic otherwise it's just scribbles on mumsnet.

WipsGlitter · 04/02/2014 10:52

Why did he apply for the job? Surely you should have discussed this beforehand. What are your fields of work?

mrsjay · 04/02/2014 10:52

and flights are not always cheap though I know you can get cheap flights but not all the time

FuckingFuck · 04/02/2014 10:52

I can see both sides of this but I don't think that your being unreasonable.

My DP had to take jobs away from home over a long period...often not that suitable and we would have been just as well off on benefits as he had so many extra outgoings working away. However that was a choice we had to take as it was the only way he could progress onto better things.

It worked too!!

Binkyridesagain · 04/02/2014 10:54

Sometimes these companies don't make these offers without you asking for them. As the company is making an offer to someone living in Ireland they could be having difficulties recruiting in their area, so could be open to paying for some extras.

WilsonFrickett · 04/02/2014 10:55

Not from Scotland to Cork mrsjay. You have to go through Glasgow or via Dublin iirc, so depending where the job is (and I wish OP would come back and say that!) it's not an easy journey at all.

mrsjay · 04/02/2014 10:56

NO i cant imagine it will be an easy journey home sounds a right pain for every weekend and again it does depend where it is I wonder if the OP will come back

Original poster
Gangie · 04/02/2014 10:58

The first time I got pregnant unplanned the second was planned as he was working then,

Also I am 33 and have always worked and have had permanent jobs. In fact I worked in Scotland myself but came home to do a degree and hopefully change my career. This was before the country went bust, I'm not using that as an excuse it is fact.

OP posts:
redshifter · 04/02/2014 11:05

My cousin in Ireland has just 'been recruited' by Royal Mail for a job as a postman in London. Do you think if he asks nicely Royal Mail might pay his accomadation, relocation travel costs? Would they pay for his flight home on Saturday evening and flight back on Sunday night for work at 5am Monday morning?

Perhaps I should ask my Polish postmen friends if they got offered this sort of package for their specialist skills.

mrsjrob · 04/02/2014 11:11

Have I got this wrong but are you saying that if your dh takes the job you will be able to afford childcare to do your internship?

Pigletin · 04/02/2014 11:12

In fact I worked in Scotland myself but came home to do a degree and hopefully change my career. This was before the country went bust, I'm not using that as an excuse it is fact.

OP, why could you not move to Scotland again (or another place) and try to get a job...Scotland is not bust, there are opportunities. You don't seem to have any prospects where you are (what with 4 years of unemployment) so why wouldn't you change that and give your family a chance?