Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

to ask how your four year old behaves in a restaurant?

151 replies

AliBean · 02/02/2014 20:02

I am wondering if the way I expect my DC to behave is unreasonable. ..or old fashioned... are children allowed to crawl on the floor, climb on the furniture, race around in a restaurant?? And if this behaviour is in fact as unacceptable as I think it is, how do their parents achieve the ability to NOT CARE and enjoy their meal without copious amounts of wine and/or earplugs?
Perhaps I am a boring mean mummy but having met with friends for lunch today I remain gobsmacked by how they let their children behave..my DC1 kept getting sucked in but I kept intervening and I ended up feeling like I was the only one who cared and went home feeling really stressed but wondering if I am expecting too much and that's how all 4 year olds behave?

OP posts:

TheGreatHunt · 02/02/2014 20:04

I wouldn't expect my 4 year old to last that long in a restaurant. We bring toys (e.g. lego) for him to play with and maybe a book and try and keep him engaged e.g. talking to him.

But eating with 4 year olds in a restaurant is never going to be the same as doing with without the DCs e.g. a relaxing experience!

Inglori0us · 02/02/2014 20:04

I totally agree with you. My dd is only 2 and behaves better than that.

isitme1 · 02/02/2014 20:05

My ds is almost 4 and he sits down on a chair like a good boy.
He has SN (esp when ot comes to feeding)
but hes well mannered.

I do admit he gets sucked in at family functions (wedding last year ALL the kids were running around creating chaos! )
yanbu

breatheslowly · 02/02/2014 20:06

My 3 yo isn't allowed to do that in restaurants.

ScottishInSwitzerland · 02/02/2014 20:07

My dd is a few months off being four
I don't really take her to restaurants much as she doesn't last long sitting still
Maybe twenty min waiting for food then however long it takes her to eat. But after that she would be wriggly and wanting to get up from the table

If there's a play area or eg a fish tank in the restaurant I would let her go over to and look at that.

I wouldn't let her crawl on the floor, climb on furniture. But it would be a stressful battle to stop her which is why I don't eat out much w her

Onesie · 02/02/2014 20:08

I tend to being quiet things to do - so drawing, miniature dogs with tiny dog to play with at the table. I also make sure my kids are hungry when they arrive.

ScottishInSwitzerland · 02/02/2014 20:09

inglorious in my (limited) experience it gets harder
My two year old will still sit in a high chair and allow me to entertain her. But the older one seems to spot exciting opportunities around the restaurant and just wants to head off.

Like I say I don't just blithely let her wreak havoc. But I can see how a parent trying to chat to their friends might take their eye off the ball a bit. I meet my friends in the park :-)

superbagpuss · 02/02/2014 20:09

my 4 year olds sit nicely at the table
we have colouring for them to do or make up games to keep them amused
only allowed down from the table with a grown up to use the loo

Original poster

AliBean · 02/02/2014 20:10

When we eat out as a family (without other friends) DS1 always sits nicely at the table and we work through chatting, colouring, playing on phone, lego, I Spy, books etc for as long as needed until food arrives, between courses and until its time to go. Today we had all our usual stuff plus restaurant had crayons and colouring books...but "puppies" under the table (and beyond) was far more exciting! !

OP posts:

Lilicat1013 · 02/02/2014 20:10

My son is nearly four and autistic, on the rare occasion I have to take him out for a meal we use the iPad (on silent) to distract him so he stays still till food arrives.

When food arrives he is generally occupied enough with that. He is never allowed to get up and walk around or make a lot of noise.

shebird · 02/02/2014 20:11

There's no excuses these days with all the entertainment available to keep them quiet, iPad, iPhone with games and favourite tv shows for when they get fidgety.

Original poster

AliBean · 02/02/2014 20:14

Despite being friends for nearly 5 years this is the first time we have met in a restaurant...and it will be the last (with children anyway!!)

OP posts:

Blu · 02/02/2014 20:14

DS was terrible in restaurants at 4, with v little tolerance for sitting still and not all that much interest in food. So we didn't do it much.

Banderchang · 02/02/2014 20:14

DS loves to eat and talk, so has always behaved well in restaurants. We went out for lunch today in fact. 3 course pub meal, around 2 hours start to finish. He didn't get down from his seat at all. The pub had colouring books for him to play with, and we also played some games between courses (noughts and crosses on the back of the menu kind of thing). We've always taken him out to eat from a young age and he's always been good. In other situations he can be awful though, so we're just lucky he likes eating out!

spookyskeleton · 02/02/2014 20:14

My eldest could never (and still doesn't) sit still in restaurants from the age he couldn't be trapped in a highchair so we stopped going out for meals for a while as it was just so unenjoyable and stressful!

DS2 is much better but gets sucked into misbehaving by his big brother!

we basically either now go to crap restaurants that have play areas or use ipods/phones to keep them quiet!

Doingakatereddy · 02/02/2014 20:15

We went out for dinner tonight in family pub / restaurant & yes, my 4yo DS ran round a bit with another child.

We were in sort of kids area, I watched for waiting staff etc & got then to stop when they passed.

I'm not really that fussed about kids running / playing as long as they don't get under peoples feet and it's not a posh adult type place.

DS is well behaved but not capable of colouring quietly for an hour & I dislike subduing him with iPad so we pick out venues.

MimsyBorogroves · 02/02/2014 20:17

Both of mine (5 and just 2) know that they are expected to sit nicely and not get down from their seats. We will bring stickers/colouring etc and I have my iPhone at hand for the 2 year old as a last resort. I can't abide children running around in restaurants.

But yes, I've been with others who do allow their children to run around, and it makes it very difficult for my 2 to understand why they can't (and I usually receive judgey eye rolls because I'm "so harsh") If children can't sit that long or the adults are unwilling to encourage them to do so, then go somewhere which has a quicker turnaround, or somewhere more suitable.

LegoStillSavesMyLife · 02/02/2014 20:17

I try not to go out for meals with people who allow racing round restaurant as it does nothing for my blood pressure. I don't think it is fair on my DC if everyone is allowed to run round and they are not. But they are not.

If colouring, toys, and chatting don't fill the void between courses we take them outside for a walk.

No prancing about in restaurants. FFS. Their are people carrying hot things and other people trying to enough their food.

Wolfiefan · 02/02/2014 20:17

Mine sit down. Sit still. Don't make a lot of noise.
I hate it when kids shriek and run about in restaurants. It is irritating and dangerous.
We take colouring, cars, books etc.

spookyskeleton · 02/02/2014 20:18

blu I think that has always been the problem with DS1 - he just isn't that bothered about food so he sees no reason to sit at the table he is constantly looking for a reason to leave the table!

LegoStillSavesMyLife · 02/02/2014 20:20

*enjoy their food that should have read.

I would expect a 4 year old to manage two hours sat on chair or my lap. Provided you were talking to them and helping entertain them. I also dislike seeing children plugged into electronic gadgets at the table. It's supposed to be a social thing?

MsLT · 02/02/2014 20:23

are children allowed to crawl on the floor, climb on the furniture, race around in a restaurant?? No, never. Doesn't matter how young they are.

SirChenjin · 02/02/2014 20:25

Depends on the child. DC2 would sit quite happily, colouring in and chatting at that age. DC1 and 3 - not so much. 20/30 minutes tops was their limit - although I wouldn't have let them run around causing mayhem. Parents who let their kids do this should be banned from every restaurant in the town.

I don't have any problem with tablets or phones being used (noise turned off) as one way of keeping them entertained, so long as there was other things - conversing, playing quietly, books etc used too.

LingDiLong · 02/02/2014 20:27

We don't eat out together very much and when we do, my 3.5 year old attempts to get down off her chair and is very wriggly and high maintenance. I don't let her though. We entertain her in all the ways listed above (colouring in, I Spy etc). It's exhausting and stressful sometimes, other times she and her older siblings do me proud and sit and eat nicely. It depends on when and where we're eating. So, YANBU for wishing that the parents had intervened. The children were just being children, the parents WEREN'T being parents though unfortunately.

Original poster

AliBean · 02/02/2014 20:31

Oh good. I am not a monstrous old baggage then!
Still curious as too how parents can ignore it/let it happen... can't ask my friends as will be construed as criticism...which it is!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread