Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how your four year old behaves in a restaurant?

151 replies

AliBean · 02/02/2014 20:02

I am wondering if the way I expect my DC to behave is unreasonable. ..or old fashioned... are children allowed to crawl on the floor, climb on the furniture, race around in a restaurant?? And if this behaviour is in fact as unacceptable as I think it is, how do their parents achieve the ability to NOT CARE and enjoy their meal without copious amounts of wine and/or earplugs?
Perhaps I am a boring mean mummy but having met with friends for lunch today I remain gobsmacked by how they let their children behave..my DC1 kept getting sucked in but I kept intervening and I ended up feeling like I was the only one who cared and went home feeling really stressed but wondering if I am expecting too much and that's how all 4 year olds behave?

OP posts:
hiccupgirl · 02/02/2014 20:31

DS 4 will sit pretty well in restaurants now after a lot of training as long as he's hungry and has lots of small toys etc to distract him. Or even better we can sit by a window. But it's never that relaxing an experience as his good behaviour while cooped up only lasts so long.

Up to 6 months ago we did struggle with him wanting to run around etc and we always used to ask to sit in a corner if possible so we could stop him from escaping!

Sirzy · 02/02/2014 20:33

No children should be allowed to run around in restaurants, its a recipe for disaster.

DS is 4 and only gets down from the table to go to the toilet and then it is holding my hand/walking closely by me.

I use colouring and things as distraction when waiting for food, and occasionally let him play on my phone but wouldn't let him annoy others or run around

hazeyjane · 02/02/2014 20:33

Ds is 3.6 and disabled, he would struggle to sit for long in a restaurant, and we had comments once when he curled up by my feet in a pizza hut (not in anyones way). we have paper and pens and the iPad, which will keep him happy for a while, and if this stops working we might take him for a walk or one of us has to sit in the car with him.

Sirzy · 02/02/2014 20:34

by the way - not some sort of perfect parent, far from it on more than one occasion I have had to take him out when he has been misbehving!

Twighlightsparkle · 02/02/2014 20:34

Story cubes are ideal for this.

Tryharder · 02/02/2014 20:37

Well good for you, OP.

You are clearly a superior mother as your children are better behaved than everyone else's.

ArfurFoulkesayke · 02/02/2014 20:38

My 4yo is expected to sit and engage in a restaurant and she's absolutely fine. If we're in a place with pens or whatever she's no trouble at all, but if we're not and I don't have any then we chat. No running, climbing, shouting, wandering etc (if it's particularly drawn out, I might take her to look at something but we walk and we go together), I even get a bit antsy with fidgeting tbh but she's a pleasure to take out.

ArfurFoulkesayke · 02/02/2014 20:40

Bit harsh tryharder, think OP would like to see the other parents at least try to keep their kids safe entertained under control.

SirChenjin · 02/02/2014 20:42

Not allowing your child/ren to run about in a restaurant is hardly being a 'superior parent' - just a normal one with common sense and consideration for others.

KateShmate · 02/02/2014 20:42

My Dtriplets are 4 and I'd expect them to behave nicely in a restaurant too.
I'm lucky in that they will sit and colour for quite a long time - would always take my own pads and pens though as restaurants don't always have them.
If I think that the food would take quite a long time, then I often take little figures like Moshi monsters or Littlest pet shop animals that they could play with quietly, whilst staying at the table. Maybe I'm a bit old-fashioned too, but I wouldn't let mine keep getting down from the table or run around.

shallweshop · 02/02/2014 20:43

It is hard work when they are very young but we persevered and now our DC are brilliant in restaurants and I feel we could take them anywhere - they are 7 and 9. When they were toddlers, I would never let them run around inside a pub/restaurant, however I always took paper and pens/ small toys to amuse them and if the food took a while, me or DH would take them for a little walk around. We also knew that we could not linger over coffee after the meal and would make a pretty rapid exit.

shallweshop · 02/02/2014 20:47

Tryharder - not superior, just basic good parenting!

cornflakegirl · 02/02/2014 20:48

My 4yo isn't bothered about food. If he's hungry, he'll sit nicely in a cafe and eat a cake. He'll manage an hour or two at a buffet breakfast with friends - I let him and his older brother go up and down to the buffet together, but they're not allowed to run around. But I wouldn't take him to a restaurant for dinner for fun, because it wouldn't be fun for him or us. If there's a family thing that requires it, then we can do it with toys, colouring, walks between courses. But it wouldn't be a relaxing meal.

SpookedMackerel · 02/02/2014 20:48

Mine know there is no getting down from the table allowed.
They love colouring, so they usually can't wait to sit down and get the crayons out. And they like chatting, looking at the menu, talking about the ice cream they will order for pudding if they eat up nicely.

But it is harder in a bigger group when they don't have your full attention. My 2yo is always fantastically well behaved when we go out just the two of us, slightly harder work when there are others there.

No excuse for running round in restaurants though, it isn't a safe environment.

LiegeAndLief · 02/02/2014 20:50

No, my 4yo sits at the table. Occasionally if we're in pizza express and it's quiet I will take her to watch the people making the pizza, but she's not allowed to go on her own. We bring drawing etc to entertain both dc or play I spy etc.

However, I've been out for lunch with friends with very different expectations for their dc and found it pretty stressful! One particularly excruciating exchange with ds when his friend was stood on his chair, which his mother was happy with - ds watched for a bit longingly and then stood on his - I told him to sit down. "But X is allowed!" he wailed. I had no idea what to say but went for "Well that's up to X's mummy, but I would like you to sit down please". Not sure if that was diplomatic or not and very difficult to follow through on with X's mummy sat next to me! Far more stressful than taking the dc out to eat on my own.

HaroldLloyd · 02/02/2014 20:52

I think some if this depends in the child's personality and interest in food as well as parenting.

I don't allow DS to run around in restaurants unless it's a kids area or a kids cafe where it's allowed. However he won't last long and has little interest in food so eating out is not very pleasant right now and we don't do it a lot.

wishful75 · 02/02/2014 20:52

My four year would would never sit longer than 20 minutes at the most and electrical devices would have to be used. No amount of talking, colouring etc.. would hold him back at that age.My 7 year old used to be the same but has calmed down greatly and is a delight at the table now.

Its unreasonable for people to expect children sit quietly simply because they were lucky enough to have kids that did. In my experience it has less to do with being strict at that age and more to do with the character of the child and the rate of development..

LiegeAndLief · 02/02/2014 20:54

It's true that it's very child dependent and I feel very grateful that mine are quite placid (ish) and good eaters, so they are usually occupied for a fair chunk of time by actually eating. Must be a nightmare if your dc only have two bites and don't want any more.

Starsandsun · 02/02/2014 20:55

I don't like my kids being noisy, wiggly and loud in a restaurant, and generally speaking they behave well enough for us to enjoy our meal. However, we have also had less successful trips out, where they were very excited by the whole experience (because of the friends we were with, or close to their birthday or for whatever reason...) and they were really loud, all over the place and difficult to reason with, which was just tiresome and stressfull. You live and learn, I guess !

monkeynuts123 · 02/02/2014 21:02

My 5 year old sits like an adult, orders his own food and draws in a book I bring if bored. Our 1.5 year old is another matter, I let him potter about the restaurant, not running but potter around by our table, no crawling on floor or bothering other diners.

AllDirections · 02/02/2014 21:04

The majority of my friends are very laid back lax about their children's behaviour in restaurants and other places. They're lovely people but I just don't understand how they're not bothered about their DC jumping on the seats, running round the restaurants, making dens with furniture, etc. My Dd3 is erm, of the spirited variety and it's been a long hard slog to get her to the point where she'll behave appropriately when we eat out. It's so hard when she asks if she can go with the other DC to trip up the waiting staff and annoy other diners play and I say no.

firedengines · 02/02/2014 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainGrinch · 02/02/2014 21:10

My 4 year old doesn't behave in restaurants because, unless they have a clown as part of their logo or "Family" somewhere in their description, he's not allowed in the door because I don't want him annoying grown ups...

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 02/02/2014 21:12

We have eaten out with our children since they were born.
I have never let them get down from the table.

We always had age appropriate tricks up our sleeves and sometimes it has meant that we have eaten in shifts or since dc2 was born had a child each but I wouldn't swap that.

They are now 7 & nearly 10 and chat or play cards or play other games whilst waiting for food.

It is interesting that people who have this experience have further up the thread been called superior and yet I don't think this is what has come across at all from all the other posters stating the same as the OP

CantQuiteBelieveIt · 02/02/2014 21:14

I'm very lucky, ds2 is 4 and loves nothing more than chatting and eating in a restaurant like a grown up. He doesn't even need the crayons/ colouring in. We have many a lovely lunch together after nursery. Dd was pretty good too, used to look in horror at other kids racing around and getting under the waiters' feet. I've seen many a parent smile proudly as their child careers around the place shrieking, and can't quite fathom it.

Ds1 has autism and when we knew he couldn't stay sitting for the length of a meal without getting bored and trying to run around etc we simply didn't go to eat out. Now he's older it's fine. And if he ever did get over wrought one if us would take him outside pronto