to ask how your four year old behaves in a restaurant?

[AliBean]

I am wondering if the way I expect my DC to behave is unreasonable. ..or old fashioned... are children allowed to crawl on the floor, climb on the furniture, race around in a restaurant?? And if this behaviour is in fact as unacceptable as I think it is, how do their parents achieve the ability to NOT CARE and enjoy their meal without copious amounts of wine and/or earplugs?
Perhaps I am a boring mean mummy but having met with friends for lunch today I remain gobsmacked by how they let their children behave..my DC1 kept getting sucked in but I kept intervening and I ended up feeling like I was the only one who cared and went home feeling really stressed but wondering if I am expecting too much and that's how all 4 year olds behave?

spookyskeleton Fortunately it's only happened a few times. So I don't think this has been linked that being bored = playing up = leaving early. We eat out usually once a week so it doesn't happen that often about leaving early.

I'm far from claiming I'm a perfect parent, but when we go out to eat, the children have been hungry and if they are playing up after eating then there is usually a reason for it (tired/whatever). I'm afraid even at home they must ask to leave the table before they get down.

They are horrors at times, no child is perfect, but I'm instilling manners where I can in them.

But if you don't have a sit-and-colour-er, don't you at least try and keep the kids in check? The OP is saying her friends made no effort whatsoever - surely that's not ok?

I very rarely go out to restaurants for this reason, DS1 and 2 are both active, lively children and bloody hard work to eat out with. I just can't see the point in paying a ridiculous amount, to do something which none of us find fun.

When eating out is unavoidable, we do choose places with play areas and low expectations as it's easier for everyone. If we go somewhere without, it has to be planned with military precision, bags packed with books, colouring, etc, strolls outside between courses, phone produced as last resort at points when walking isn't feasible.

Fingers crossed it's just a blip harold. Its not sounding promising though. It would be mighty unfair to go through that twice

I'll take anything again.... But the biting. Please god not the biting

We had a pub lunch today ("nice" pub, not particularly family friendly but noisy and busy) and 3.5 year old DS mostly sat on his chair but did wander around a little bit and look out of the windows in the corner we were sitting in. So long as he is contained and not shouting/disturbing people I don't insist on staying seated.

Crawling around under the table probably wouldn't bother me but I wouldn't allow running around.

Mine are 16 & 10 now, but at four (I remember it well ) we lowered our expectations somewhat.

They both sat and didn't run around, I was lucky in that respect, but when they started to get bored and fidgetty - we also did some mild entertaining as a family, such as the a-z games (taking it in turns to think of an animal beginning with 'A' through to 'Z' - ach you know it!)

Or the memory game - I went to the shops and I bought...

And I- Spy! Theres nowt like playing I - Spy with a truculent 4 year old who insists that 'ceiling' begins with an 'S' - and the fall out from the 10 year old who sounds like a 5ft Jeremy Paxman correcting him.

We didn't do this all mealtime, cos they were happy to chat for lots of it, but it was a handy standby!

Having said that - I've had the odd meal with elderly parents/in-laws etc, when aunty muriels hip operation has been discussed at length, but they have also joined in a game of I-spy when the children were very small- and it's been hilarious!

Oh - and YY to kids menu's - sausage 'n' chips - sometimes they want that - great! but they much prefer having smaller portions of the proper menu they can have.

Oh god, the biting. Definitely not the biting. I still have that when ds launches himself at me like a crazed tiger, in a fit of pure rage.

Yanbu....dd 3.5 is not allowed to run around under tables etc. Generally sits and is well behaved with a few sticker books and crayons in tow

My two DS are 2 and 5. I time the lunch (never dinner, as they're too tired) so they will be hungry. I take toys, we talk to them. We never attempt too many courses or to stay too long - main, pud, leave.

They know it's a treat and look forward to it. If they didnt behave, I wouldn't take them.

I have two kids, both of whom manage to behave in restaurants, as per the query. If that makes me smug, then so be it.

I tend not to care or watch what OPKs are doing, because like most people, I can't stand them.

I don't understand why it is smug to admit that your children are well behaved in restaurants . TBF I haven't even witnessed any bad behaviour from other families' children in restaurants either.

The only time was the one I mentioned in my PP when my niece kept running from the table. She's now 3 and a half and the difference when we went out last time was amazing. She sat perfectly.

My children aren't well behaved all the time. They drive me bonkers half the time but if they were badly behaved in restaurants then we wouldn't go. I would feel too embarrassed and stressed out. Eating out should be a treat and it wouldn't be one if I kept having to put down my fork to tell someone off or bring them back to the table!

Well, out of 113 posts I'm the only poster who's kids run around in restaurants.

Perhaps I'm just too common for mumsnet

But don't you stop them? My 3 year old would definitely run around if I let her but everytime she gets off her chair I put her back on again. It's a job of work to keep her there but there isn't an alternative really is there? Unless I want her to end up covered in hot food because she's hurtled into a waiter.

If my kids ran around and were PITAs in restaurants or cinemas etc, I probably just wouldn't take them, if it wasn't essential. It wouldn't be worth the stress.

DS2 is 4 in June and will sit quietly throughout a meal in a restaurant. He misbehaved once and was immediately removed outside. He agreed to behave and was brought back in and we haven't had any issues with him since.

We eat out a lot, always have done from when they were really tiny babies. I just think it's a matter of practice and although it sounds daft, the nicer the place the more likely they are to behave. We were in a chain type pizza place over the weekend and they found it harder to sit and behave there as there were other children running about.

I agree with Robin that we just wouldn't eat out if they were badly behaved, it would be too stressful. We usually see other families out eating and to be fair the majority of children are just as well behaved as ours. Tbh, any bad behaviour we've witnessed has been at chain restaurants/pubs and in those cases the adults just let the children run amok.

We're not lucky enough to be able to afford to eat out much, especially im nice places so our kids ARE a PITA - but only to us. I don't let them run amok, i work my butt off trying to keep them still and well behaved. The older 2 have mostly.got it now but the 3 year old not so much.

@ BrianTheMole!

I have a 4 year old and 3 year old twins, all boys, and although they're not allowed to run about, it's incredibly stressful trying to keep them all from acting up. If we have them one-to-one, it's piss easy. Those saying how beautifully their one or two children behave - well good for you - they have your full attention!

We all went to TGIs recently and we were doing really well - all in a booth at the far end where they couldn't escape from. And then as we waited for our starters, the utter utter arse of a waiter brought them THREE BALLOON SWORDS!!!!
FOR FUCKS SAKE! I don't usually drink at lunchtime but I ordered a beer and prayed for them to burst.

DD (4 and a half) sits nicely but we talk with her. I'm not sure how long she's last if the conversation didn't include her - but then who of any age would not be bored having lunch with people having a conversation that didn't include them?

We also tend to have something with us to keep her occupied. She likes to take pictures so a phone works quite well. I have a lot of blurred pictures of menus, chairs and smiling serving staff :)

We met up with some friends with some more 'active' kids in one of those Sundat-roast pubs over Christmas and DD got sucked into their game of hide and seek/running about. (Pub was huge and pretty empty) DD came over at one point saying she was hot and tired from running. When we said she could sit and do some colouring she looked at the other two - still playing - and sighed with both wonder and confusion "but this is how they live their life!"

DS sits quite nicely when we go out for meals but that's only because I embarked early on a very intensive training program where we started off going for a cuppa and a bun and worked through sandwiches and toasties and, via some tapas, are now approaching sitting for a full 3 courser. The amount of cakes and other lovely food I have eaten for the good of DS's socialisation would bring a tear to your eye, selfless mother that I am :)

Like little angels

Seriously, all five of mine at the age of 3 were great in restaurants. They just sat there, did some colouring if needed and never made a fuss.

I always got a lot of compliments on their behaviour. People often comment on how well behaved all five of them are when in restaurants.

I don't care if it sounds smug. I am proud of their behaviour in public. I don't think it is anything I have done, I just got lucky in that department. I remember quite clearly expecting number 5 to be a great sleeper like the other 4 and had a huge shock when she never slept and at age 5 still wakes up during the night. That taught me that a lot of it is just down to their personalities and it wasn't down to my special parenting skills after all

A lot of my friend's children found it really hard to sit still for longer than 10 minutes in a restaurant. They are all different.

At home it is a different story though. They are NOT little angels at home.

DD1, when 4 was really good at eating out. Especially when you let her lead the conversation! She'd chat away, comment on everything she saw and occasionally embarrass us by asking the staff impertinent questions.

And then DD2 came along. And as soon as she began to be able to interact there was some weird feedback loop of craziness. Paper and colours, ipad, I spy and general chatter will keep them sitting until a meal arrives, sometimes. But only just. It's a nightmare. And when you factor in DD2's food allergies, we are severely limited in eating options when we're out.

Can still take them out individually and have a lovely time. DD1 is 6 now and we try to get time every now and then for a lunch or a coffee with just her and me, and it's lovely. But add DD2....

We are supremely glad there is a garden centre near us with a play house and tables next to the playhouse, plus really good food and coffee, or DH and I would never get to eat eggs again (banned from our house because of the allergies)

Yes, there is smugness on this thread. It isn't smug to say 'my child sits nicely in restaurants' but it is smug to come out with any variation of 'My child sits nicely in restaurants because I trained them properly / because I talk to them/ engage them / take them to sushi bars and let them enjoy the full range of exciting foodie cuisine / because I have higher standards and expectations than all you slatternly slackers out there.

yes, there are parents who are oblivious and / or inconsiderate about their kids being a nuisance to others. The should try and control them and take them out if they are not able to control the noise / rampaging.

This is a different matter. As the many people who have had a polite sit-down child followed by an all-action food refusenik have testified, once you knock the selfish parents out of the equation it is mainly down to the disposition of the child.

When you compare yourselves with those who let their kids run riot you are not comparing like for like. There are many of us who just stayed at home during the chaos years, despite being reading-engaging-talking-child-centred disciplinarians.

Do you REALLY not think that many of those of us with non-restaurant-friendly kids don't know how to talk to our kids or keep them entertained?

Since DS was 7 he has sat down and enjoyed a huge range of food in all sorts of restaurants. Until then - more trouble than it as worth.

My DD is pretty good, but I do think some small children find it harder than others to sit still for long periods. I have seen parents desperately trying to control their children, but the kids are playing them up. I do think there are two camps - parents who don't care and just let their kids do whatever for an easy life and those with more difficult children who do try to control them but have a complete nightmare.

Its not fair to expect a 4 year old to sit still over a long meal in a restaurant.
Its best to go to a pub restaurant where there are indoor play areas for children.

We took my sister's little boy to a restaurant with us when we were looking after him - Apparently he will not behave in a restaurant and is a nightmare.
He was fine for us.