to ask how your four year old behaves in a restaurant?

[AliBean]

I am wondering if the way I expect my DC to behave is unreasonable. ..or old fashioned... are children allowed to crawl on the floor, climb on the furniture, race around in a restaurant?? And if this behaviour is in fact as unacceptable as I think it is, how do their parents achieve the ability to NOT CARE and enjoy their meal without copious amounts of wine and/or earplugs?
Perhaps I am a boring mean mummy but having met with friends for lunch today I remain gobsmacked by how they let their children behave..my DC1 kept getting sucked in but I kept intervening and I ended up feeling like I was the only one who cared and went home feeling really stressed but wondering if I am expecting too much and that's how all 4 year olds behave?

My son just sits and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks. He then will talk and talk to people who are serving us sometimes leads to free things

Then he will talk and talk, and talk even more.

I wish he would run off and around sometimes

My DD is 5 now but at 3 and 4 she would last all afternoon in a restaurant (regular extended family thing on a Saturday). I would always have a book or colouring in my bag to keep her going. I cannot abide kids running around in restaurants and don't let mine off with it.

Our 3 yr.old sits quite happily and eats BUT if the food is a long time coming or if she is tired then yes she gets fractious. My days of Michelin stars are over so a couple of good courses served reasonably quickly works fine. Occasionally she may leave the table but one of us is with her to keep her out of trouble/under feet

I'm sure in certain cultures this sort of thing is acceptable. For some reason in this country it just isn't, no-one appreciates kids running around, screaming, climbing, so on and so forth in restaurants, it's just unacceptable.

Some kids will sit, some won't. Either way, taking kids to restaurants is never an enjoyable experience.

op have you considered that the other kids would have behaved if your dc vas not there? My 2 are really well behaved in restaurants but if you try to eat out with other kids they know they get over excited. So yabu.

I don't let my 4 yr old be noisy, run around or irritate other people. But it is bloody hard work and stressful. I bring things to entertain him, and beg the staff to bring the food asap. My dd was a dream in comparison.

I don't think they should do that,if my DS (4) acted up I would stop taking him till his behaviour improved. I generally just take colouring books/lexibook and he sits quite happily with that anyway. If i forget things or we go on a whim he just asks me lots of questions and i just engage him with silly stories.

I expect my DDs to sit still and have reasonable table manners.

No jumping up from the table, running around etc.

We've been taking them out to eat since they were tiny. They always sit nicely at the table and they enjoy eating out. They'll often sit and colour until the food comes.

They are almost 3 and 6.

There's a lot of smugness on this thread I think.

I think it's just in the nature of kids - some will sit quietly in certain situations, some won't. I'm sorry, but I really don't think you can congratulate yourselves on clever parenting if you get a quiet one.

Several posters say they have one child who sits calmly and one who doesn't, which proves it's not down to parenting.

My kids will sit nicely for a while, long enough for the food to arrive if the service is good, but if it's a busy restaurant with long gaps between courses/drinks/bill etc, then they play up, and my 4 year old has been known to crawl under the table and generally mess around. What exactly do you expect a parent to do in those situations? Obviously the usual talking/persuading/negotiating/bribing/threatening is tried and fails.

I avoid non-child-friendly restaurants, but once you've already eaten part of a meal you can't just up and leave because your child is bored. Half the time I'm waiting for the bill anyway, so I am actually trying to leave! We rarely eat out, really only if we're away from home for a few days.

And I hate hate hate the looks some parents give, as they sit there smugly with their Stepford children happily colouring in the same picture they were given the last 20 times they went to Pizza Hut. Do you honestly think we want our kids to play up?

It's the luck of the draw. Be thankful.

I completely agree with you, OP. Parents who let their DCs behave the way you have described make it really tough for those of us who don't think it's acceptable.

I was in a restaurant a few weeks ago with my DC (just turned 4) and my friends. She was the only child in the group. She ordered her own food and drinks with lovely manners, thanked the waiter when her food arrived, ate nicely, sat still, joined in conversation, etc.

It didn't occur to me to take any toys, crayons, books or anything else...that stuff drives me mad! It's not a playgroup it's a restaurant, but each to their own, and I know it works for some.

I feel like I'm in a minority in expecting my DCs to behave very well when I go out. It seems to me that parents' expectations are just not high enough a lot of the time. If their parents do not expect them to behave well, there is really no incentive or reason for them not to be crawling under the table, or running around the restaurant.

Exactly what imagine said ^^

They usually still sit nicely when we meet up with our friends and their children too, although we often try to go somewhere with a play area so they either run off steam before they eat or it's "if you don't sit and eat nicely, you won't go in the play area."

The only time DD1 hasn't behaved was when we went out with DH's family. Our niece (2 at the time) kept running off from the table and DD1 kept trying to get her back. DD1 was in a high chair so she couldn't escape! :o

my two ( 6 and 3) are pretty good tbh.
they do have to stay seated, but we bring cbeebies mags, paper and pens to occupy them.they are also greedy great eaters, so are occupied by theor food for longer than a lot of DC. we don't linger much though - 2 courses is our limit.

What exactly do you expect a parent to do in those situations?

You minimise the disruption to others.

You disract at the table

You don't let them wander around restaurants or annoy other diners.

The key thing isn't the child, its how the parents react and how much effort they make. Yes some children are angels (I wish mine was) and others are harder to control but that doesn't mean you don't make the effort to control them and doing so doesn't make a parent smug, it makes them a parent who is trying to teach their child how to behave.

Ds was brought up to sit and eat with others from the day he was weaned. He is brilliant when we eat out. I do take toys etc to entertain him. If ds (6) ended up on the floor it would mean the naughty step I'm afraid. I wouldn't be amused at 4 either but he would have toys to play with.

Dd 7 months and she's already been out for meals with the family in her high chair in pubs etc. So far she's been fine. Sits for a while then we go for a a few walks around when she needs to move.

We do control them and use tactics to ensure they are not disruptive to others. This involves electronic gadgets as I have not been 'blessed' with children who enjoy colouring or reading but some posters have turned their noses up at phones/ipods at the table.

Well go out for a meal with my 2 and see how you get on

I have a theory that is probably based on utter bollocks.

As a kid I saw kids in restaurants lots mostly behaving well,then the eating places with play areas happened and now all children think they should be bombarded with entertainment.

So never go to one with play areas and all should be well.

brettgirl2 the other DC were 2 from one family and 1 from the other. So its not like my son was a catalyst in a usually calm equation. Also when I asked him to settle down he did, and sat there wistfully watching the "puppies" crawling all over the floor..until my attention was back on his little brother and he slunk back under the table...
The reason I posted in the first place was I couldn't believe as I juggled a baby and a four year old(who was trying to behave) my dear friends made no effort whatsoever to control their DCs... hence my uncertainty as whether or not I ABU?

We've eaten out with ours right from when they were young as well and I've never let them get down and misbehave. This includes shouting/being a nuisance.

There have been times where we have left early or food uneaten due to one playing up. But unless they learn how to have manners from a young age when do you teach them ?

Interesting theory Sock. I have always avoided such places because I hate soft play areas and the likes at the best of times so I'm not going to start eating at them, and because I would rather DS learn to be entertained at the table rather than expecting to be able to run off and play which fits with your theory to an extent

Yes Sirzy, I would do all those things. But there comes a point when you think actually, my 4 year old sitting on the floor under the table is probably less disruptive to other diners than hearing me constantly telling him to get up.

Does it not occur to you that when you see an apparently apathetic parent, it may be that they've had the same fight a thousand times, and just want to get the meal over with as quickly as possible?

The smugness here astounds me. And as for people saying what they "expect" of their child - give me strength - when did parental expectations ever become a guarantee of outcomes? I could "expect" my babies to sleep through the night from 6 weeks old, happily take a bottle instead of breast when it suited me, love all vegetables, never make a mess, never break their toys, do well at school etc etc - doesn't mean it's going to happen!

september so what do you if the child doesn't care about whether you leave food half-eaten or not because they are not bothered about food? All that is going to teach them is that, by messing about, we will leave the restaurant sooner which is what they want because they are bored!!

Oh come off it - one child sitting underneath a table is not the same a multiple noisy children running around a restaurant (and I speak as one of the parents who had 1 child who would sit quietly during a meal, while the other 2 wouldn't/couldn't sit for longer than 30 minutes)

You do what you have to do - get up, go for a walk with them, play games, let them play on your phone, read to them - and if all else fails, go home early. It's not being smug to say that you wouldn't let your child run around or stand on the furniture in a restaurant, it really, really isn't.

Sockreturningpixie I agree with your utter bollocks theory!

The same thing with crayons and crap colouring books etc...they expect so almost can't manage without them!

And bloody kids menus..hate them. In Italy/France, where they don't have children's menus, children and parents expect children to eat small portions of meals off the one menu. Give a child a child's menu and it's pretty hard to go back!

I love places which have light bites menus, DS refuses to eat most things off kids menus (and I really don't blame him!) so light bite meals are ideal for him.