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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask how your four year old behaves in a restaurant?

151 replies

AliBean · 02/02/2014 20:02

I am wondering if the way I expect my DC to behave is unreasonable. ..or old fashioned... are children allowed to crawl on the floor, climb on the furniture, race around in a restaurant?? And if this behaviour is in fact as unacceptable as I think it is, how do their parents achieve the ability to NOT CARE and enjoy their meal without copious amounts of wine and/or earplugs?
Perhaps I am a boring mean mummy but having met with friends for lunch today I remain gobsmacked by how they let their children behave..my DC1 kept getting sucked in but I kept intervening and I ended up feeling like I was the only one who cared and went home feeling really stressed but wondering if I am expecting too much and that's how all 4 year olds behave?

OP posts:
Twoprincessesistwiceasnice · 02/02/2014 21:55

I have a dd who is 3 and I would never allow her to act that way in a restaurant. I do bring her things to occupy her but these are small and quiet, i.e maybe a little colouring book or a storybook so she has something to do. I cannot stand when kids run amok in restuarants- and the parents just sit there and chomp away whilst there children destroy everything and anything. I went out with my SIL who has 3 children. They were running around, screaming, climbing, throwing cutlery and food, trying to run out the door and my dd just sat there stunned. I do feel sorry when a child is misbehaving (as all children do) and u see the parents getting stressed out and trying to control the child as all children play up, its more the parents attitude then the childs behaviour that winds me up

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 21:57

You might be right sock. But I went to an amazing one in Warrington recently, with great entertainment laid on for the kids. Which meant I could catch up with the family in peace. It was great. But, a rod for my own back too probably.

Sirzy · 02/02/2014 21:58

Mascrat Manor by any chance Brian?

spookyskeleton · 02/02/2014 21:59

brian did it have 'farm'in the name by any chance?

Grennie · 02/02/2014 22:00

If I see kids running around in restaurants, I can't relax as it is so dangerous for them. I end up just sitting there usually witnessing lots of near misses as adults are carrying hot food and drinks. And in many places, waitresses are carrying lots of things.

Original poster
AliBean · 02/02/2014 22:01

ImagineJL I use the term "expect" as I know how my child normally behaves.
If you read my OP then you will see I was eating with friends...women who I am friends with and have known for 5+ years... I wondered if my feelings after todays lunch were unreasonable as the way my friends allowed their children to behave seemed bizarre to me...as they both (and one friend's DH) barely raised an eyebrow to it I have come away feeling old fashioned! Not smug as I had a crap timeSad

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 22:01

Ermm, I'm not sure what its called. It was on the outskirts not too far from that big estate with marks and asda on it. But in the middle of a newish housing estate too. Do you know where I am? Grin

TamerB · 02/02/2014 22:03

I don't think it is smug. They sat at the table and behaved in a way that won't annoy others.

spookyskeleton · 02/02/2014 22:04

No, I don't know Warrington that well Grin . I just know there are a chain of restaurants that have great kids areas (we have one local to us) and there is one in Warrington -they are all called 'something Farm'. They also have the most amazing puddings Grin Grin

AllDirections · 02/02/2014 22:05

The key thing isn't the child, its how the parents react and how much effort they make

I absolutely agree with this. If I see a parent doing everything they can under difficult circumstances then I can empathise with what they're going through and I hope that people have thought the same with me. There have been many times when my DC have played up and I've tried to deal with it effectively. And there was once or twice when letting one of my DC play quietly under the table was preferable to having her sit at the table screaming, but only long to quickly finish eating and leave. Only one of my DC would naturally sit quietly and play/colour/chat but that doesn't mean that I let my other two be noisy or disruptive.

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 22:05

You're right. It is the farm one. I just googled the pics of it Grin Great food there, massive portions too!

Grennie · 02/02/2014 22:06

My nephew and niece were great at eating out in restaurants from 3 to 4 years old. As a result they always used to get loads of positive attention from waitresses, which they loved.

Sirzy · 02/02/2014 22:06

I know the area you mean - Gemini retail park - but not sure where you were eating.

olibeansmummy · 02/02/2014 22:07

I think it's unfair to claim that posters are smug just because their children behave in restaurants. The op asked if other 4 year olds behaved in restaurants and people answered that they do. Should everyone say that no, they have unruly children just to make sure no one feels bad?

In answer to the question, I have a 4 year old ds and newly 4 year old dneice. Both behave nicely in restaurants and just sit, chat and eat. I'm sure we're very lucky, but also made sure the children knew how to behave from a young age. I wouldn't be too hard on your ds though op , on this occasion (not that I'm saying you were) as it's hard not to get caught up in messing about. You're right in thinking that parents should at least try to get their children to behave.

Flyingbytheseatofmypullups · 02/02/2014 22:07

DD is nearly 3 and always loved her food and so generally good in restaurants. However we do engage with her and don't expect her to entertain herself. I think its unfair when parents get cross at children (of any age) not doing as they expect them to in restaurants but then act as if they're not there. I personally don't see the point of all going out together if you don't share the experience. Heavy debates, work talk, lots of booze etc need to happen when young kids aren't around.

I agree things can be difficult when out with others with different ways of doing things, but for me the key thing is that children aren't up and down from the table and/ or bothering other people. So things that we wouldn't do by ourselves such as iPhone ents (on quiet or ideally silent) or snacks prior to food arriving - we are ok with. Hide and seek or tag - we don't allow.

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 22:08

Oh its not the farm one, its mascrat manor, like sirzy said. Just checked again. Still great food though. If you're ever in warrington....

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 22:09

Gemini park, thats it Sirzy. Are you from warri?

LydiaLunches · 02/02/2014 22:11

My children (8, 6 and 3) are freakishly beautifully behaved when I take them out to eat with just me but they get steadily worse the more adults present, probably not their fault!

Lambsie · 02/02/2014 22:12

My son isn't allowed out of his seat but he can be noisy at times (has severe sn and doesn't understand being quiet). I hate it when children are allowed to run around shrieking as he finds this very distressing.

ImagineJL · 02/02/2014 22:14

It is smug. (not necessarily you OP, but many of the replies)

"other people's kids are naughty, mine are good, because of how I've brought them up"

Lots of perfect parenting on this thread.

God help those of us whose kids don't think that all their Christmases and birthdays have come at once when they're given a piece of paper and some crayons!

Pepperglitter · 02/02/2014 22:18

I refuse to eat out with my bother's children as they have no idea how to behave in a restaurant.
I don't think I'm too strict but my dc have to stay on their chair unless they are going to the loo. I don't care if they have their ds/iPad etc if they are under 12. I also don't think it's ok to let your dc drop food all over the floor and then leave it for the waiter to clean up( my family also do this!)
Mine are well behaved, normally chatty and good company. If they are in any way disturbing other diners they get taken out. And if you take a baby out to eat you probably do have to remove them at some point but if you are consistent you should end up with a 4yo who has perfect behaviour in a restaurant!

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 22:19

I used to be smug when I just had dd. She had amazing grown up speech from a really young age. People used to comment on it, and I used to say something along the lines of talking to her like an adult. It was only when ds came along that I saw the light. I was a twat. Punch me now, I deserve it, or I certainly did anyway. I look back on those words with horror. I knew nothing.

oldgrandmama · 02/02/2014 22:20

Ha, just had a lovely birthday lunch with my son and daughter, and their spouses, and five grandkids. One is three and a bit, the others are eight, eight, ten and ten. They were all lovely, amused each other and the three year old was happy drawing with me - her mum and dad provided paper and felt tips. She also helped me finish up my first course of delicious whitebait.

Seriously, I think it's important how one brings up kids to behave in cafes, restaurants etc. I used to take mine into these from the age of about 2 onwards and they've grown up to be quite civilised (now 46 and 44!) And their children too are pretty civilised.

If the kids were the sort that started running about and being absolute pains, my son and daughter would have promptly put a stop to this. But maybe they're the exception!

HamAlive · 02/02/2014 22:24

So what we should all do is; take books and toys, don't take books and toys as it's making a rod, give them your ipad/phone, only give ipad on silent, don't give ipad as eating out should be social, take them from an early age to get them used to it, don't take them until their behaviour improves, don't let them get down, take them for a walk, keep them quiet but enforce rules even if this results in a screaming fit Grin

HaroldLloyd · 02/02/2014 22:24

Grin At Brian, luckily for me my first DS is a wild unleashed animal I public.

DS2 is showing all the signs, screaming like being boiled in oil in his highchair, trying to crawl on table etc etc. I was hoping for a break.