Or is my husband - re: repeated information

[DolomitesDonkey]

I've got a good memory and whilst I'm not a fan of labelling the quirky - had I been born in the last decade I'd be "in the spectrum".

On Thursday there were pictures in the media of that house in Italy which was nearly crushed by a giant boulder.

Yesterday morning my husband asked me if I'd seen it, I replied yes, I'd seen and read about it Thursday.

In the evening he asked me whether I'd seen the house in Italy blah blah blah.

I said "yes. You asked me this already today and my answer is the same as this morning - I saw it Thursday". He got grumpy and said he couldn't remember and that I'm arsey.

This is just one example, and by my own admission, I sometimes ignore him when he asks a question because it's repeated information/query or just plain dumb.

AIBU and a massive bitch or do repeats cause your soul to wither too?

YABU. My DH does this and it comes over as impatient and tatty.

That should be twatty.

You have said you have a good memory; many others don't. Your dh is making conversation, you are being rude

I don't think you are or aren't being unreasonable. It's irritating. Do you get ratty with him every time? If so, then perhaps a little u. But now and again? No. Similarly, dh does this to you all the time, he's being g a bit u and should really pay attention. It very annoying when people don't listen to you or remember.

Hope you don't get dementia OP.
You are being incredibly rude.

Yes I think that is rude or at least dismissive. My husband does this to me sometimes and it's quite humiliating, Id be sad if he did it all the time.

My DH has a poor short-term memory and it is really frustrating, especially when it impacts on the kids (forgotten lunches, hair not washed etc) but I have to accept he really can't help it and gets frustrated by it too. Hard though!!

I think you are being a bit rude, sorry. Sounds like DH is making chat!

I normally deal with this, if it happens a lot, by nodding and nicely saying "yes, I saw, as I said earlier, it was awful wasn't it?" as my lovely mother will repeat herself many times (not dementia, just a trait)

Life is too short to be snappy for unintentional irritations.

It sounds gruff but if you are on the spectrum it's not rude its a symptom of a social communication disorder.

But people on AIBU will ignore this and flame you as rude.

Personally I think good on you for asking if the tules don't come naturally to you.

I predict some of the people chastising you for being rude will be less than polite themselves about it.

Sorry - I also missed the spectrum bit and wanted to add I admire you for posting here. If you are on the spectrum, does DH not just shrug these things off?

My friend's DH is on the spectrum and can be a little bit gruff but I understand why and it doesn't bother me.

Not that what you have posted is a big deal anyway....

My fil has always had a bad memory, and is awful at listening. The two combined means you have to repeat bits of conversation about 3 times before he 'gets' it, then a week later he asks the same question, and the same repeating conversation happens again. He doesn't have dementia, btw. I had a job for 3 years where dp would pick me up at 7 from the train station, once or twice a week he'd nip round to his parents whilst waiting to go get me. once a week his dad would say, "where's fusilli,then?" dp would explain, then "does she always finish that time?".
Very frustrating, I feel your pain!

If you have spoken to a number of people over the course of a day, it is easy to forget who you have discussed something with and who you have not.

I'm sure your DH is not doing it intentionally to annoy you, so a politer response is required from you I think.

Unless you are perfect, there will be aspects of your personality that annoy your DH. How does he deal with those? Most people in a relationship find things about their partner annoying but care enough about the other person to protect their feelings.

I think you need to cut him a load of slack. He's not deliberately failing to recall the boulder conversation - he's just not recalling it.

I don't know how old you are but already in my late 40s my previously good memory has gone to pot. Fortunately DH is just as bad - we repeat conversations all the time. Then one of us will say "didn't we already talk about this?".

So a) count your blessings and b) be a bit more patient.

My DH are both as bad as each other so take the piss out of each other massively

As long as you're "matter of fact" , rather than agressive, when you say that he asked you before, I don't think YABU.

I'm a bit on the spectrum - very pedantic about facts, very logical in my assessments. I understand that you can ask someone something twice if you've had a busy day. I just say " you asked me that earlier" and then repeat my view on whatever he's asked. Neither of you are BU.

Ignore all the people saying you're rude.

Just re-read your post. I'd missed the bit about you ignoring him.
That IS rude.

"On the spectrum"-by whose diagnosis??

Are you sure that you're not just intolerant/rude??

by my own admission, I sometimes ignore him when he asks a question because it's repeated information/query or just plain dumb

Since you have the self-awareness to ask the question "AIBU and a massive bitch", I wouldn't "Ignore all the people saying you're rude." I'd listen to them. I suspect you are well aware that they're right, though I apologise for my lack of awareness if this arises as a consequence of being on the spectrum. I suppose one way of looking at it would be: if someone other than your DH repeated themselves to you, would you behave in exactly the same way? Or is it just your DH?

I get irritated and frustrated with ANYONE who does this.

I try to keep it in, but I get told it's obvious I'm annoyed, even of I don't say anything.

Why can't people just listen FIRST time??!!

I can just about cope with it in DC's under about 14, but it still makes me grit my teeth and want to yell.

I find it almost impossible to 'keep it in' when it's an adult.

I listen and hear things first time. It's rude to pay so little attention to what someone is saying that it doesn't stick in your head - so dementia / Alzheimer's / Processing Disorders / other specific memory problems aside, it's bloody rude, and if they gave been rude first, why should I be polite towards so done who is being rude to me?!

(Though I AM polite, it irks me and apparently it shows that I'm annoyed.)

Even thinking about this has obviously annoyed me - my typing has gone to shit!

As Diddl asked, by whose diagnosis are you on the spectrum?

The only reason I ask is that my ex partner used to say something very similar when he wanted to excuse his behaviour. It turned out he'd just read about various character traits/abilities held by those on the spectrum, decided he had some in common and therefore believed he had a perfectly acceptable excuse to behave like a rude arrogant twat every time the fancy took him.